


Everything is going to be okay

by fangirl_from_the_bookstore



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Chemotheraphy, Derek helps him, Derek loves to cuddle, F/M, Focus on sterek, I already hate myself for writing it, I try to be as accurate as possible, Lots of Crying, M/M, Protective Derek, Sappy times, Stiles has asthma, however I have never experienced any of this and only watch greys anatomy and use google, if you don't like death fics then don't read further than chapter 6, part 1 is a happy ending and part 2 not, scott is a puppy, sheriff stilinski feels guilty, sick!stiles, stiles has cancer, super cheesy at some points, the sheriff doesn't know anything about the supernatural, this story has 2 parts, warning: very depressing and sad as well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-03-04 20:27:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 47,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13372452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_from_the_bookstore/pseuds/fangirl_from_the_bookstore
Summary: “What are my chances?”, he whispered and looked into the eyes of Dr. Jones.“6-12 months if the treatment works.”, but Stiles knew there was downside to that.“And what if it doesn't?”, he was almost too afraid to ask. Dr. Jones kept quiet for a while“We will start the treatment as-”“How much time?”, Stiles asked again, this time his voice didn't quiver.“If it doesn't work...then...2-4 months”, Dr. Jones said and let out a deep breath.





	1. The Truth

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt on writing a bigger and more complex story  
> I don't know much about medicine, I just watch greys anatomy and used google, so I hope I get everything right  
> I am going to update this as fast as I can with uni and personal life getting in the way
> 
> I hope you like it ♥

Stiles had these coughs for a while now. It didn't really unsettle him, he had asthma since he was a little kid. Still, the coughing was starting to get annoying. It often happened in the most inappropriate times. When he was cuddling with Derek, when he had to present something in class or when he was driving and had to stop at the side of the road to finish coughing. Derek and his dad had noticed the more frequent coughing as well. The sheriff wasn't really disturbed by that. He thought that it was just a cold, plus Stiles did his best to try to avoid coughing when his dad was around. It wasn't always possible, but most of the time, he excused himself before it happened. Derek was with Stiles almost 24/7. They spend their nights snuggling close together or doing...other stuff. So most of the time it is Derek who experienced the coughing first hand. He also noticed that Stiles' scent was a bit off. Not enough to unsettle him though, because Stiles kept assuring him that it was nothing. But with passing time Derek and the sheriff both started to get worried. To get more information and to shut them both up Stiles made an appointment for Thursday with Dr. Jones.  
  
“Derek?”, Stiles called into the house, “I'll be home in an hour I guess, I have an appointment at the hospital.”  
  
Almost instantaneous Derek came around the corner and approached him.  
  
“Are you okay?”, Derek looked worried and Stiles got on his tiptoes to kiss him on the lips.  
  
“I am fine, I was just going to ask the doctor about my cough. It's getting really annoying.”, he smiled up to Derek and played with his hair.  
  
“Yeah that's a good idea, because I am starting to get really worried and you know how clingy I can get”, Derek smiled and held Stiles closer.  
  
“Yeah I do”, Stiles had a dopey grin on his face and gave him a passionate kiss. Derek tightened the arms around his waist and lifted Stiles up the ground. He started laughing and their kiss turned into their teeth pressed together.  
  
“Okay well I am off then, see you in a bit.”, Stiles kissed him again and waved after leaving the house. Derek was looking out of the window and following him with his eyes. There was something different about Stiles, but he didn't really know what. And it scared him. So he was more than relieved, that Stiles was going to get that checked out.  
  
Stiles wasn't really nervous when he drove to the hospital. His coughs didn't get worse and he was actually feeling better. Still, he was relieved, that he had the talk with the doctor this afternoon. It was unusual for a cough to stay that long. And he just wanted to get a quick check that everything was going okay. When he arrived at the hospital he took a seat in the waiting area after registering at the counter.  
  
“Nice to meet you Mr. Stilinski, I am Dr. Jones”, the doctor shook his hand after he led him into his room, “what can I do for you today?”  
  
“Well I have this cough for about three months now and I just wanted to check if everything is alright”  
  
“That's quite a long time for having a cough”, the doctor said and looked up from his computer.  
  
“Yeah, I know”, Stiles added guiltily, “but I have asthma since I was a kid and I thought that it would be just an allergic reaction or something, you know?”  
  
Dr. Jones kept typing things into the computer and Stiles was actually kinda getting nervous. _What if this is something serious?_ But he shoved this thought away when the doctor started talking again.  
  
“Did you notice anything while you are having these cough attacks. Like any fruits you were eating before or any animals around?”  
  
This almost made Stiles laugh. If the doctor only knew, that he was in a relationship with an Alpha...  
  
“No, not that I know of”, he answered after hiding his smile.  
  
“What about any sporty activities? Have you noticed that you are out of breath after taking the stairs? Or after a run?”  
  
“Well I am not the fittest person on the planet, but I didn't notice anything unusual.”  
  
The doctor kept typing on his computer.  
  
“Should I be worried?”, Stiles asked and actually felt a shiver down his spine.  
  
“For now all that we know is that it might just be an allergic reaction of some sorts based off your previous records. But just to be sure, I would like to take some blood from you, if that's okay”, he smiled up to him and Stiles relaxed instantaneously.  
  
“Yeah sure, I am just not that big fan of needles”, Stiles chuckled.  
  
“I don't think anybody is”, Dr. Jones laughed and started preparing the procedure. They talked about baseball and lacrosse and before Stiles knew it, the session was over. He did cough a few times, but the doctor wasn't bothered by that so Stiles took this as a good sign. Everything is going to be okay. Dr. Jones told him that the results would be here in like a week or so, so Stiles went home.

-

  
Derek must have heard his car from a mile away already, because he was standing outside his house with his nostrils flared and arms crossed in front of his chest, muscles twitchy. Stiles sighed and smiled to himself, he actually thought it was funny that Derek was freaking out, but on the other hand it felt nice to have someone who cares about you this much.  
  
As soon as he stepped out of the Jeep Derek took him into a close embrace and breathed in his scent. It was a bit off for a while now, so Derek was even more anxious than normal. He couldn't wait for Stiles to come inside and started bombarding him with questions.  
  
“What did the doctor say? Is it something bad? Are you going to be okay?”, he took Stiles head in his hands and inspected his body. He smelled a bit of blood on Stiles' left arm, indicating that the doctor took some of it for further tests. _Why would he need further testing?_ Derek started to get even more nervous.  
  
“Hey, easy there big wolf, it's fine”, Stiles laughed and took Derek's hands in his, “I talked to him and he said that it might be just an allergic reaction or something. He took some blood just to be sure and I will see him again next week.”  
  
Derek seemed to relax after hearing that. Maybe this was why Stiles' scent seemed off. An allergic reaction never smelled the same, plus there are too many allergies to know all the different changes in scent by heart.  
  
“Maybe I am allergic to dog hair”, Stiles smirked and kissed Derek on the cheek.  
  
“Haha, very funny”, Derek said, but couldn't hide his smile. Stiles tried to hide a cough and made his way into the house.

-  
  
About a week later the hospital called again and told Stiles to come by the next day. The woman on the phone sounded nice and calm, so Stiles wasn't as anxious as before. The last days the coughing became stronger and sometimes he had to stop in his walk to finish coughing. There were even times where his breath was wheezing. This didn't disturb him though, he just took his inhaler and the wheezing stopped for a while.  
  
There was just something about this day, that made Stiles wish he didn't get out of bed in the morning. He would have rather stayed with Derek today. Lately Derek was extra cuddly and affectionate.  
  
But sadly he couldn't.

Stiles was waken up by his alarm. He groaned and opened his eyes. Just to be shook by another cough attack. _Man these coughs are getting really on my nerves!_ he thought to himself and rolled back into bed.  
  
“Ugh, do you really need to go?”, Derek mumbled and pulled him closer to his chest. Stiles hummed happily.  
  
“I wish I didn't have to”, Stiles sighed and snuggled closer into Derek's chest. Another cough rocked his body and he had to roll away from Derek. Derek just took the opportunity to spoon him from behind after he finished coughing.  
  
“Mine”, he whispered and kissed Stiles' neck. It tickled and gave him goosebumps across the whole body. He heard Derek laugh and fasten the grip around his waist. Stiles' grin widened and he almost fell asleep again.  
  
“Dereeek...”, he sighed, “I really REALLY need to go.”  
  
“Fine”, Derek groaned and threw Stiles onto his back. Stiles made a surprised sound and opened his eyes just to be greeted by Derek's lips on his. He smiled into the kiss and put his arms around Derek's waist. Derek deepened the kiss before breaking it and smiling down to Stiles.  
  
“Now you can go.”  
  
Stiles went to the bathroom, still smiling widely. He never thought he could be that happy. He took a quick shower and changed into his clothes. Stiles looked into the mirror and was greeted with a dopey smile on his face. But then he realized why he had to wake up this early and his stomach dropped a little. _It's going to be fine_ he tried to tell himself and after a while his breaths were as even as they could get lately. He went back into his bedroom and saw Derek still sleeping soundly with his legs tangled into the sheets. Stiles bent down and put a small kiss onto his forehead. Derek hummed in agreement.  
  
“See you later”, Stiles whispered.  
  
“Love you”, Derek answered and Stiles smiled to himself.  
  
“Love you too.”  
  
Stiles made his way to the Jeep and started the motor. He just can't shake this weird feeling in his gut, but it was probably just the result from not sleeping enough. Derek and him had...other things to occupy themselves when they both should sleep. The drive to the hospital wasn't far and he was on time for the appointment. He went inside and announced himself at the counter.  
  
“Good morning Mr. Stilinski, the doctor will be with you in just a second. Please take a seat.”, the nurse said nicely.  
  
“Thank you”, Stiles smiled and sat down.  
  
He took a look at the magazines next to him. He got excited when he found a car magazine and was deep inside an article when they called him.  
  
“For Stilinski please”, another nurse led him to the doctor's office. Dr. Jones was already inside and waiting for him.  
  
“Thank you Sophie”, he said and she closed the door.  
  
“So, did you see the game last night?”, Stiles smiled up to him, but stopped when he saw the expression in his eyes. Dr. Jones was looking devastated and exhausted. _Maybe he went out last night, I mean doctors can also party, right?_ Stiles tried to calm down. _I am sure it's nothing._  
  
“Mr. Stilinski...Stiles....we did the test”, Dr. Jones took a big breath and ran his hands over his face.  
  
“Okay”, Stiles said breathlessly. Suddenly his stomach twisted and turned. He tried to clear his throat, but it was like his lungs were shrinking in size.  
  
“And we....found something...strange”, Dr. Jones took another breath and finally told Stiles everything, “we tested your blood just as a routine, but then we found out that your red and white blood cells are in high numbers, which is...unusual”  
  
Stiles could just sit and stare. _This can't be happening._ He took in wheezing breaths and clutched his chest. But there was no point, his heart was hammering in his ears and the panic was already there.  
  
“Stiles....you have cancer...lung cancer to be exact”  
  
The truth was out. And it took Stiles breath away. He didn't know how to react. Do you cry? Do you scream? Or do you just stare blankly at the distance?  
  
“Are you....are you sure?”, he asked in a quiet voice. He hated the way it quivered.  
  
“We ran the test three times and it gave the same result every time”, Dr. Jones said and looked at him, “I am really sorry Stiles. I am.”  
  
The room was silent for a while. Dr. Jones was observing Stiles, but he was just sitting in the chair. He could hear his breaths coming out harsh and short and it reminded him of how little time he probably has left.  
  
“How...how long...”, Stiles couldn't finish the question.  
  
“We don't know for sure...but we need to start chemotherapy as soon as possible to minimize the tumour spread.”  
Stiles managed to nod, he still hadn't cried yet. Why didn't he cry yet? This was the worst news someone could get. He would die. And nobody knew when exactly. And suddenly Stiles started to panic. He was going to destroy everybody close to his heart! His dad was going to lose his son, his last remaining family member. Derek was going to lose his soulmate. And his friends were going to lose a brother.  
  
“What are my chances?”, he whispered and looked into the eyes of Dr. Jones.  
  
“6-12 months if the treatment works.”, but Stiles knew there was downside to that.  
  
“And what if it doesn't?”, he was almost too afraid to ask. Dr. Jones kept quiet for a while  
  
“We will start the treatment as-”  
  
“How much time?”, Stiles asked again, this time his voice didn't quiver.  
  
“If it doesn't work...then...2-4 months”, Dr. Jones said and let out a deep breath.  
  
Stiles mind was racing. _2 months? This isn't enough time! He wanted to do so much more!_ Then he thought about the others.  
  
_How the hell is he going to explain this to them?_


	2. Confessions

When he came home after the appointment yesterday afternoon, luckily nobody was home. His dad had to work a double shift at the station and Derek was out patrolling the preserve, he won't come back until the next night. Stiles just went to his room like he was on autopilot. _I have cancer._ It was unreal to think about that. _It can't be real. Please don't let it be real!_ He started kicking things and punching at the wall, but nothing was helping. The voices in his head were screaming.

 

_I have cancer_

 

_I am going to die_

 

_I have cancer_

 

It was very hard to fall asleep that night. Normally Derek was there to keep him company, but even if he wasn't, because he had to take care of werewolf business, Stiles was okay with falling asleep on his own. Not this night though. He tried distracting himself with a good book and actually forgot for a minute, that he was probably going to die in a few months. But the thought was always there in the back of his mind. Reminding him of his fate. Making his heart flutter and his whole body shiver. He took his mp3 player and his headphones and started blasting music through his ears. This actually helped a bit and he fell asleep after a few hours of tossing and turning and coughing.

 

In the morning Stiles decided he was first going to tell his dad. It's like after all these years he owed it to him to always be honest. He didn't tell him about the whole supernatural situation yet, but this was to protect him. And Stiles tried his best to keep this secret from him. He made sure, that Derek wasn't home the whole day or in reach to eavesdrop, he would talk to him later. Derek was probably still scavenging the preserve anyway. The other problem was telling the pack, but Stiles wanted to tell them all one by one, since he couldn't deal with telling them all at the same time. He would text the others to come by later this night.

 

After he got up he made himself a sandwich, but lost his appetite quite fast after thinking about the afternoon where he had to tell his dad about the whole cancer thing. Stiles decided that maybe cleaning the house might distract him from the voices in his head so he played some loud music again and started sweeping the floor. After a few minutes he felt so exhausted like he had just ran a marathon. He had to pause to cough and it made him furious. Can't he even clean the house now?? Tears were starting to form in his eyes and he wiped them away. _This is not fair this is not fair THIS IS NOT FAIR!_ And then he just screamed. At the top of his lungs. Until he was hoarse. When he finished screaming his face was wet from all the tears and a coughing attack shook his whole body. He didn't feel better than before. _It was no use_ he told himself. The last thing he needed was to loose hope, but was there even any? Yeah, there are people who defeated lung cancer, but the five-year survival rate was only reached by 4% of people who were diagnosed with it. Normally people die a lot sooner. Not really a positive thought. 

 

The rest of the day was spent with him sitting or laying down on his bed, deep in thought.  _How do you explain to your friends and family that you are going to die? How do you even start?_ Stiles had no idea. He actually wished, that Derek was here, he always helped Stiles with his thinking. But Stiles realised, that this might not be a very good idea since well he had to tell Derek the bad news as well. Suddenly Stiles felt so hopeless and defeated. It's not like he hated his life, it was actually quite alright. He had a wonderful boyfriend, friends he could trust and a lovable father. But Stiles always felt like he was the weakest link in the group. The poor fragile human and now being diagnosed with the disease further proved his point. He sighed and put his hands over his face.  _Don't loose hope, Stiles_ he told himself  _the fight isn't over yet!_ But with every passing minute it was harder and harder for him to believe that.

 

Stiles and his dad made lasagna later this afternoon. It was kinda their new tradition. This dish was easy enough for his dad to prepare it on his own while Stiles chose a movie and prepared everything in the living room. He noticed the glances his dad was shooting him. But Stiles did his best to give him a reassuring smile and this seemed to calm him down. Stiles still didn't know how to start...While he was switching through Netflix he was desperately trying to find a way to explain it to his dad. In his head he was playing different scenarios. He thought about just saying it while they were watching the movie. Or waiting until it was over. Or maybe it was better to just say it now, the damage was already done anyway.

 

Stiles was still switching through the recommended list and deep into thought when his dad sat beside him.

 

“Lasagna is in the oven. So which movie are we going to watch?”, he looked at Stiles and could see that something wasn't right.

 

“Stiles?”, he asked carefully and took the remote out of Stiles' hand. This seemed to get him out of trance and he quickly turned around to face his father.

 

“I have to tell you something.”, Stiles took a deep breath and it made a wheezing sound.

 

“Are...are you okay son?”, Noah asked. He didn't like the way Stiles' breath sounded. It had sounded wrong and sick for a while now. But Stiles kept assuring him, that it was nothing. It still worried him. Sometimes during the night he could hear him coughing and wheezing and it broke his heart to hear him like that. He used to run to Stiles' room as fast as he could and often found him clutching his chest being out of breath. It scared the hell out if him!

 

“I don't...I don't know how...I”, Stiles started and tears shimmered in his eyes. His hands began to shake and he moved to bury his face in his hands.

 

“Okay kiddo, it's okay”, now Noah was really worried. Stiles took another deep breath and turned to face him again. He decided that it was better to just say it now, he couldn't keep it inside of him anymore. He needed to talk to someone about this.

 

“You know that I have this cough for a while now...”, Stiles started and looked at his dad for reassurance.

 

“Yes”, his dad said questioningly. _Where is he going with this?_ , “you said it was just an allergic reaction of some sort.”

 

“Yes, that's what I thought, but then I...”, a tear was rolling down Stiles' cheek and he sniffed. He angrily wiped it away.

 

“Stiles, what's wrong?”, his dad's voice was warningly, “what the hell happened, are y-”

 

“I HAVE CANCER.”, Stiles suddenly shouted and looked his father straight in the eyes. But it seemed like his father wasn't there anymore. Stiles hid his face in his hands. Maybe there was a better way of telling his dad, but his mind was racing and he couldn't think of a better way to tell a father that his son is going to die. It was dead silent in the room. Stiles could hear his small sobs and the cars outside his window. But no sounds were coming from across the sofa. He opened his eyes and looked at his dad.

 

Noah was frozen in shock. His eyes were wide and glassy, tears spilling over and he couldn't really seem to focus. His thoughts were going crazy. _It was just an allergic reaction, just an allergic reaction_. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again as he had no idea how to react to that. Stiles thought that maybe this was a good thing, you know. _Better than screaming_ he guessed.

 

“Dad?”, Stiles asked carefully as to not startle him.

 

“H....How...how...”, Noah couldn't say anything else as his voice shivered so much. His eyes wandered unfocused around the room.

 

“I went to the doctor to let it get checked and they ran some tests. He told me yesterday.”, Stiles approached his dad like a frightened animal. He slowly got closer to him and put his arms around his dad. But the sheriff was sitting on the sofa, unmoving, with more and more tears coming. _This can't be happening again_ the sheriff thought to himself. _Not my son, please don't take my son, too!_

 

“I don't know what to do, dad. I feel like I am lost...”, Stiles cried. Still no answer from the sheriff. Stiles loosened the embrace and looked into his father's eyes.

 

“Dad?”, he asked quietly. Finally his dad moved his gaze and looked him in the eyes. He looked so old all of a sudden and Stiles wished he could take everything back. His dad didn't deserve this. Stiles felt horrible for doing this to him. Noah swallowed and blinked.

 

“Uhm...are they sure?”, it was not more than a whisper.

 

“Yeah, they did the test a few times and came up with the same result.”, Stiles said and took his father's hands in his. After a while his father returned the contact with a small squeeze and Stiles almost sobbed. And then his father broke. He clutched his chest and started sobbing uncontrollably. It broke Stiles heart to see him like that. He threw his arms around his dad's shoulders and rubbed his back. He had to be strong now. Both of them.

 

“No no no no...” he could hear his father whimper in his arms and Stiles felt horrible. He did this to him. So now after his mum, his dad also had to deal with another possible death. But maybe Stiles wasn't going to die, right? Right?? He held on to that thought. He had to make it. If not for him, then for his dad and his friends.

 

“I am so sorry dad”, Stiles cried and hid his face in the crook of his father's neck. This seemed to get him out of this state and his dad placed a strong hand on his back. They both tightened the hug.

 

“It's not your fault Stiles, it's the damn sickness”, Noah said and choked down a sob. Stiles remembered him saying that to his mum, when she started to forget who they all where. Suddenly the memory of his mum and the long days at the hospital became too much and Stiles held onto his dad like his life depended on it. He was so scared.

 

Suddenly the alarm went off to signal that the lasagna was ready and both Stilinskis jumped in their seats. With a small squeeze, Stiles let go of his father and got up. He straightened his shoulders and went to get the food out of the oven. _Stay strong_ he told himself _for him_. When he came back his father was still crying, but now silently. Stiles put the plate with the food in his hands, but both of them weren't hungry anymore.

 

-

 

Derek came home later that night. He was exhausted from the last hours where he kept running around the preserve checking for intruders. Derek couldn't wait to take Stiles into a close embrace and never let him go for the rest of the night. Whenever he wasn't next to him he missed Stiles with all his heart. He never knew he could be this happy. If his mother could see him now she wouldn't recognize him. With Stiles by his side Derek grew more confident and stronger than before. All thanks to Stiles. When he walked into the house it was deadly quiet. Which wasn't normally a bad thing, the sheriff had to work a lot so he wasn't around all the time. But Stiles often had the TV on or music to occupy his mind. The house was quiet though. Derek made his way into Stiles' room.

 

Stiles was sitting on his bed and Derek couldn't see his face, but when he came in Stiles got up and threw his arms around Derek's neck.

 

“Wow, hi, what did I do to deserve this?”, he asked laughingly and put his arms around Stiles as well. He lost quite some weight during the last weeks, which was making Derek nervous. Stiles had never been a kid who was full of muscles, but now his collarbone and some of his ribs were sticking out.

 

“I just had a really crappy day and I needed it.”, Stiles muffled into Derek's neck. Derek was totally fine with that and placed kiss on Stiles head.

 

“I love you so much”, Stiles mumbled and Derek couldn't hide the grin on his face. Then he heard Stiles sniffle. Derek broke the hug and looked at him. Stiles had puffy eyes and he was biting on his already bloody lip.

 

“Hey, what's wrong?”, the worry was clearly recognizable in Derek's voice. Normally Stiles always said 'nothing' or 'I'm fine', but not this time. This time he didn't say anything at all. It scared the hell out of Derek.

 

“What is wrong?”, Derek asked again and began looking for any injuries on Stiles' body.

 

“I have to tell you something...and you won't like it.”, Stiles said and wiped some tears off his face. Now this statement definitely made Derek's breath go short and his heart to start racing.

 

“Okay”, he said carefully and tried to even his breaths.

 

“Okay”, Stiles repeated. He already felt the tears coming again. Stiles closed his eyes and tried to calm his mind.

 

“Okay okay, look...uhm”, he started again.

 

“Stiles, relax”, Derek shot him a reassuring smile, “it's me.”

 

“I know, that's why it is so hard.”, Stiles whispered and looked him in the eyes. The tears distorted his gaze, but he could see, that Derek was really trying not to panic. God Stiles wished he didn't have to break his heart.

 

“Stiles”, Derek tried again, “please tell me what's wrong before I freak out and destroy something.”, Derek tried to make a joke, but it didn't work when he saw that Stiles wasn't even close to smiling.

 

“Okay, now you are really starting to worry me.”, Derek said and Stiles could see his muscles twitch.

 

Stiles took another deep breath, which ended in a cough. This time it took some time to stop it and by the end Derek was holding him upright and supporting his weight.

 

“Thanks”, Stiles said breathlessly and sank down on the bed. Derek sat right beside him.

 

“Stiles, please”, Derek pleaded and it sounded so sad and defeated.

 

“Okay, here we go”, Stiles said and closed his eyes, “you remember how last week I went to the doctor to get this cough checked out?”

 

“Yes, but you said, that it was just an allergic reaction.”, Derek said, but it sounded like he didn't believe a word he just said after seeing Stiles' reaction to all this.

 

“The results came in yesterday and...”, his breaths came out short and wheezing. Stiles didn't want to drag it out too much, he had to tell Derek now.

 

“...and?”, Derek was getting really impatient. It was quiet for a few seconds and Derek was about to say something again, when Stiles spoke up.

 

“And it...it is lung cancer.”, he said and breathed out. The silence in the room was overwhelming. Stiles looked down to his hands, they were shaking. He felt horrible. Derek had been through so much already and they were both finally happy! _Why??_ he asked himself for the hundreth time this day.

 

“You are kidding right?”, Derek said after a while and smiled up to Stiles.

 

“I wish I was”, he whispered and tears were spilling over. Derek couldn't say anything. There was nothing that he could have said that would make this situation better. When the room remained quiet Stiles looked up and saw Derek sitting next to him. He looked horrible.

 

“Derek?”, Stiles asked and tried stroking his face, but Derek flinched away. Stiles pulled his hand back and his stomach twisted at the sight of Derek flinching from him. Then suddenly Derek stood up, his eyes were full of tears and his hands were shaking. _No_ he thought to himself _No! This is not happening!_ Derek felt like he needed to break something. His mind was panicking and he paced around the room.

 

Stiles looked at him from his position of the room. He didn't know what to do either. Derek handled pain differently than other people. He either closed himself off or freaked out and Stiles was still waiting for the result. Too afraid to ruin something.

 

“Derek?”, Stiles asked again and whiped the tears off his face before standing up, “now _you_ are really worrying _me_... please say something.”

 

“I-”, Derek started, but his mind was still totally blank. Except for a mantra of _No no, please god no, please!_ He needed to get out of here! Before Stiles could say anything else Derek ran to the window and jumped outside, fully shifted and ran away. Stiles ran to the window as well, but Derek was already gone. He sighed and slumped back onto the bed.

 

“Well two down, one left to go.”, he tried lifting the mood, but failed completely. The fear of the disease and of the consequences...of...dying...made his head spin and then his body practically collapsed on itself. Stiles found himself laying on the bed having a breakdown. _I can't do this_ he cried into his pillow. He understood why Derek had to ran away, this new information was like dropping a bomb, but he needed someone right now. Suddenly he felt so alone. 

 

-

 

The last obstacle was telling the pack... He asked them all to come over so that he didn't have to tell everyone on their own. These last few hours were one of the most exhausting he ever had. Stiles felt so tired and sad, he just wanted to lay down in bed and lock his door. But he knew that he needed to do this. His friends deserved the truth. And they deserved to hear it from himself. He kinda wished that either his dad or Derek were here, but his dad got called back to work with an urgent case and Derek well...was a wolf now. So Stiles sighed to himself and started figuring out how to tell the story _again_.

 

It was close to midnight when they all came to Stiles' house. They were pretty confused when Stiles texted them, but didn't think about anything bad, since the meetings were often held at this time of the day. Lydia was the first to arrive, she was always on time. When she parked her car in front of Stiles' house, she could already hear Scott and Allison coming as well, so she waited for them to knock on the door.

 

“Do you guys know what happened?”, she asked them, but they both shook they head when Stiles opened the door.

 

“Hey Stiles, what's up?”, Scott asked and gave him a hug. He noticed how thin Stiles got as well. And then there was also the change in his scent, which worried him a bit. Maybe today Stiles was finally going to explain what was happening to him.

 

“Hey Scotty!”, Stiles said, but his voice was hoarse from all the crying. Scott shot him a questioning glance, but then Lydia stepped into focus and embraced Stiles as well. After Allison hugged Stiles they followed him into the living room.

 

“I am glad, that you are all here.”, Stiles said but his voice failed at the end. And the whole atmosphere in the room changed.

 

“Stiles?”, Lydia approached him slowly and put a hand on his arm. He flinched away. “Are you alright?” Lydia was feeling this weird tug in his chest for a few months now. She wasn't a banshee for that long, so she couldn't quite interpret this feeling yet. But it was starting to get stronger and unsettle her. And seeing Stiles now like this reminded her of this feeling. Suddenly she wished she would knew what it was.

 

“This is why I brought you all here.”, the tears were coming again and Stiles wiped them away angrily. He was so sick of crying! And he was so sick of telling the story over and over again. But he had to do it one last time.

 

“You know this isn't the way I expected the last days to happen at all ”, Stiles huffed a laugh and sniffed, “I was supposed to have more time”, he whispered.

 

“Stiles?”, Allison had tears shimmering in her eyes. Her hand searched Scott's as to steady her. Stiles looked up. His friends were all here. He didn't have a lot, but he had the best friends in the whole world. And now he was going to hurt them.

 

“I love you all so much.”, he cried and nodded to himself, “this wasn't supposed to happen like that! I mean I run with wolves, you know? Why does it have to end like... _this_?”

 

“Stiles you are really scaring me”, Lydia cried. Scott was just standing there. Allison was practically leaning onto him, unable to stand on her own with her knees shaking like that. Scott was waiting for Stiles to laugh and say that he just goofed around. But he knew, that Stiles would never put them in so much pain just to laugh and push it all away. He was also listening to Stiles' racing heartbeat and heard that everything he said until now was the truth. There was something bad going on. Scott still didn't want to think about the feeling in his gut. It's like he secretly knew, that this wasn't a normal pack meeting. But he was too afraid to say it out loud. Too afraid, that his worst nightmare was actually coming true.

 

“On Friday I went to the hospital, because my results came in from the blood tests I did. I just wanted to get these coughs tested out and now I wish I never went...”, Stiles seemed lost in thought. He was so sick of saying goodbye! He had done it twice already today, can't he catch a break? He grunted angrily and wiped another set of tears away.

 

Scott couldn't see his brother like this so he stepped forward and put a hand on Stiles' shoulder. This time he didn't flinch away, because Stiles knew, that there was no way out of it. He had to tell them.

 

“I am sick, very sick...”, Stiles took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He wasn't prepared to see their faces. “I have lung cancer.”

 

Scott was desperately trying to hear the lie out of his heartbeat. Lydia and Allison seemed to want it to be a lie as well and looked at Scott. But he shook his head and tears were spilling over his face. Allison gasped and put her hands over her mouth. Scott had to steady her, otherwise she would have sunken down to the floor.

 

“No”, Lydia breathed and closed the distance to Stiles in a few angry steps, “tell me this isn't true. Please!”, she begged him, shook him even, but when he opened his eyes, she saw in them, that this here was reality.

 

“I am sorry, but it is true...”, Stiles voice quivered.

 

They were all shocked and didn't know what to do or say. Scott was the first one to find his voice again.

 

“How...how long until...”, Scott pleaded him with his eyes to not make him say it out loud.

 

“6-12 months if the treatment works, 2-4 if it doesn't.”, Stiles said quietly.

 

They were all quiet for a while. All lost in thought.

 

“It will work”, Lydia mumbled after a while, “it just has to.”

 

Stiles said nothing, just forced a smile on his face. Allison then surged forward and embraced him in a closed hug. Soon after that Scott and Lydia followed and they were a bundle of bodies and limbs all crying and sniffing.

Stiles realised how good this felt and when he thought about the possibility of leaving them he cried even harder.

Lydia felt incredibly guilty. Why didn't she tell them about the sickening feeling in her stomach. Maybe she could have prevented it. Made Stiles go to the doctor earlier. And then maybe they would have treated him sooner.

Scott remembered the thing Deaton told them. _Loosing a pack member is like loosing a limb_ and he wasn't ready to loose Stiles. He wasn't just a member of the pack. He was his best friend, his brother. They both trusted each other with their life and Scott couldn't loose him.

Allison just felt empty inside. She didn't know Stiles that well, but over the last year they became really close, kinda like brother and sister.

 

_Why him?_

 

_Why him?_

 

They were all thinking the same thing. And they all wished, that this here was just a bad dream. But they all had to be strong now. Stiles was soon going to start chemotherapy and he needed them all there.

 


	3. The Incident

Lydia, Allison and Scott left after Stiles dropped this heavy information on them. They didn't want to leave him, but he assured them, that he is going to be fine. Besides, Derek is coming home soon, he told them. He really hoped, that he was right about that. The pack left after hugging him goodbye and the house was quiet and dark again. Suddenly Stiles was unbelievably tired and cold. He shuffled to his room and closed the door.

 

_How the hell am I going to get through this?_

 

He thought to himself as he laid down on his bed. There were no more tears left to cry and Stiles was actually grateful for that. He felt so alone and had no idea how the next days were going to play out. He was supposed to start have his cancer surgery on Monday, which was necessary in order to get better results for the chemotherapy, so tomorrow was his last day as a healthy human. Stiles had never experienced chemotheraphy, but he read books about people having cancer and it didn't sound pleasing. His whole body was shaking and he blamned this on shock. He must have fallen asleep at some point, because when the mattress moved next to him, he jerked awake and his heartbeat quickened.

 

“I am sorry, it's just me”, Derek whispered and Stiles sobbed. He turned around and basically crashed into Derek's arms. Derek just held him.

 

“I am so sorry I left Stiles”, Derek was crying, “I didn't know what to do when you told me that... but that is no excuse, I am so sorry..”

 

“It's okay”, Stiles smiled and snuggled closer to Derek. He didn't have the strength to start an argument indeed he wasn't mad at Derek for leaving. He wouldn't have known how to process this information either. Stiles just wanted to get some sleep right now and try to forget the last days.

 

“I love you so much”, Derek's voice quivered and he fastened the embrace.

 

“I love you, too”, Stiles said. He felt safe in Derek's arms and he wished he never had to leave this bed ever again. He heard Derek silently crying into Stiles' hair and felt him stroking his back. Stiles relaxed almost instantaneously and fell asleep with a small smile on his lips.

 

Stiles woke up the next day and decided that today was a day without crying. He was sick of it and it was no use anyway. He had to enjoy his last remaining days as best as he could. This didn't mean that he gave up, he was just stating the facts. It was possible for him to survive the whole dilemma, but there was also a chance of him dying. He had to be prepared for both situations. While Derek was still asleep Stiles went to the kitchen and made breakfast. He decided to make pancakes with bacon and with every passing minute his mind calmed down. Preparing the meal distracted him and he even caught himself humming a melody. A few minutes later he heard his door open and figured that Derek must have woken up. Then strong arms were hugging him from behind.

 

“Good morning”, Derek mumbled into Stiles' hair.

 

“Morning”, Stiles said and leaned back into Derek's touch.

 

“Are you al-”, before Derek could ask the question Stiles turned around and kissed him.

 

“No talking about cancer or pain or whatever similar, okay? Today is a fun day”, Stiles smiled up to him and turned around to finish making the pancakes. He put the stripes of bacon into the pan as well and the room was filled with the smell of it.

 

“Fine by me”, Derek said with a smile and set the table. He didn't feel rested after this night. After Stiles told him everything he didn't know how to react and just snapped. Derek didn't remember a lot of things when he was a wolf, but he must have ran at least a few miles. When he came to him he was laying on the forest floor covered in sweat and blood. He had no idea what he did, but the blood smelled like an animal he didn't want to further specify. He was just glad, that he didn't kill a human. And then he remembered that he left Stiles alone at home. Who was probably scared out of his mind and Derek just left him. With guilt in his chest he first ran to his loft to pick up new clothes and then took off into the direction of Stiles. He climbed back through the window and saw Stiles sleeping with tears on his face and Derek felt horrible. As softly as he could he laid down next to Stiles and put his arms around him. _I will protect you Stiles, I promise_

 

When the pancakes and bacon were ready Stiles joined him at the table.

 

“These look amazing!”

 

“Yeah, hey maybe in my next life I could be a chef!”, Stiles laughed and Derek was relieved, that Stiles' humor was back. Even if it felt weird laughing about it, seeing Stiles like this made him happy.

 

“You are right, these don't just look amazing, they also taste amazing!”, Stiles said and hummed happily. They ate in silence for a while.

 

“I was thinking, that maybe we could go to the movies today,”, Derek proposed, “I heard that the movie _The Greatest Showman_ is supposed to be the best of the year.”

 

“Derek Hale wants to go into a musical?”, Stiles said mockingly with a smirk on his lips, “I have to see that!”

 

Derek chuckled and looked down to his plate. He actually enjoyed musicals and knew, that Stiles did too, so this movie was perfect for today's occasion of having fun. After breakfast Derek insisted of cleaning up by himself, since Stiles made everything so he excused himself and went to take a shower. On the way to the bathroom Derek could hear him coughing. Almost immediately Derek's hands began to shake and he nearly dropped a plate, but after taking deep breaths the trembling stopped. _Today is a fun day_ he told himself and finished cleaning up.

 

Under the shower the warm water relaxed Stiles' shoulders. He didn't sleep that great since his mind was now constantly racing. But Stiles forced the thoughts away and the smell of his shower gel calmed his mind. He let the water wash over his face and the traces of tears away. Stiles didn't know how long he was under the shower, but after a while he felt warm and in peace. He went back to his bedroom to change into new clothes when he saw Derek standing at the window. When he walked inside Derek turned around.

 

“So today is a fun day, huh?”, he asked and smirked at Stiles. He was perplexed and still stood in the doorway.

 

“Uhh...yeah?”

 

And then Derek made two big steps to close the distance between Stiles and him and started kissing Stiles like the world was going to end. Not that Stiles would mind, it was actually perfect and he enjoyed it, but the way Derek kissed him made his head spin. His knees began to shake and before he knew what was happening he was laying on the bed with Derek on top of him, kissing him breathless. So far the day was amazing. They had to stop almost every minute for Stiles to take in a big breath since you know his lungs hated him apparently, but this just made Derek kiss Stiles elsewhere. He loved kissing Stiles' neck, since the skin was soft and warm against his lips. Or down his stomach where Stiles was ticklish and goosebumps began forming on his skin. A few times he moved even further down and placed kisses on Stiles' hips. This made Stiles almost stop breathing. Even just by kissing Derek made him feel so many things all at once. Stiles took Derek's face in his hands and crashed their mouths together. He deepened the kiss and put so much passion in it, that his mind went fuzzy. He loved Derek with all his heart. His lungs began announcing themselves again and Stiles let go of his face and moved his head to the side to breathe. Derek took the opportunity to kiss Stiles' throat. Derek's mind was like pudding. Whenever he was kissing Stiles he felt like his heart was about to explode. Stiles' hands were stroking his skin and it felt like it was on fire. After they stopped kissing both were breathless and laid next to each other on the bed. It took a while for them to find their voice.

 

“So”, Stiles said breathlessly, “what's the next agenda?”

 

Derek had his eyes closed and a small smile on his lips. He turned around to face Stiles.

 

“I don't know, it's your day. What do you wanna do?”

 

Stiles thought about that for a while, still trying to catch his breath.

 

“My brain isn't functioning right now, thanks to you “, he finally said and snuggled closer to Derek, “I guess we can just lay here for a while”, he said sleepily. Derek put his arms around him and pulled him close to his chest.

 

They must have fallen asleep, because when Derek woke up the sun was shining into the room in a different angle than before. He yawned and tried to stretch, but noticed, that Stiles was laying all over him, snoring softly. Derek's heart ached at the sight of that. But he forced himself to push the thoughts away. _Not today._ He promised Stiles. Almost on cue Stiles moved and slowly opened his eyes.

 

“Did we fall asleep?”, he mumbled and rubbed his eyes sleepily.

 

“Seems like it”, Derek said and pressed Stiles to his chest again, “but I like our fun day so far”

 

“Me too”, Stiles smiled and yawned.

 

“But I definitely need to get out of this bed, I am gonna be laying in bed enough for the next weeks”, he untangled their legs and sat up. He looked at Derek sleepily and yawned again.

 

“Then how about we get out of the house and walk around town for a bit? If I recall the schedule right the movie should also play at 3pm.”

 

“Sounds perfect!”

 

It was actually a wonderful day outside. The sun was shining and there was a light breeze moving the trees around them. They moved silently side by side with their hands intertwined. The town was quite busy today because of the great weather and they met some people from school. Stiles kept making small talk with all of them and he looked really happy. There were some times were he had to excuse himself to cough obviously, but most of the time he was cracking jokes. Derek caught himself thinking that life wasn't fair. Why would they take such a beautiful soul away? Stiles must have noticed him being lost in thought and squeezed his hand to get his attention. Derek blinked and moved his glance to look at him. Stiles just smiled and held his gaze for a second before continuing to talk with the guy about college. Stiles had to admit, that it was weird talking about college when he didn't even know if he would make it until then. But talking with people who didn't know anything about his disease and cracking jokes with them was relaxing and quite calming.

 

They made a stop at the bookstore and went looking for books by themselves. Both of them loved to stay in bookstores forever, plus Stiles wanted to buy some books to occupy himself in the hospital. He didn't know how long they were going to keep him there, but buying books is never a bad decision. Stiles remembered, that he read about the book _Something like summer_ and decided to buy it. Whenever he was inside a bookstore he felt so peaceful between all these books and the smell of fresh pages. He took a deep breath to calm his mind. Stiles found himself thinking about the next weeks and about the possibility of dying several times this day already, but he kept forcing the thought back. He spotted Derek next to the postcards and made his way over to him.

 

“Found something interesting?”

 

Stiles showed him the book and Derek read the back.

 

“That sounds pretty good, I am definitely going to steal it from you when you are finished with it”, he chuckled.

 

“What about you?”, Stiles asked.

 

Derek held up two books.

 

“I haven't decided yet. It's a tie between _Central Park_ by Guillaume Musso or _Guards!Guards!_ by Terry Pratchett...”

 

Stiles took the books and read their back as well. “The first one sounds more interesting to me, but both books are very different. It's difficult to choose...”

 

“Yeah I thought so as well. I am just gonna buy both of them. You never know when you need a great book.”, Derek smiled to Stiles. But on the inside his stomach twisted again, because he thought about the next weeks where he was staying by Stiles' side. Sitting next to his bed to make sure that he was okay. He was definitely in need for a way to spent time and reading was his favourite way to do so.

 

“Alrighty, sounds good to me”, Stiles smiled and went to pay for his book. After they got out of the store they still had an hour to go until the movie started, so they went into a cafe. They spent the next hour talking about movies and books and drinking their teas. It was an amazing afternoon and Stiles felt so happy and peaceful, he was grateful for this day. About half an hour before the movie started they made their way to the cinema. It was't crowded, since it was only 3pm, so they got the tickets rather quickly.

 

“Now the most important question of the day”, Derek asked. Stiles looked at him questioningly.

 

“Popcorn or nachos?”, he smiled.

 

“That actually is an important question”, Stiles said laughingly, “I think today I am up for popcorn.”

 

They made their way into the right room and took their seats. Another cough attack shook Stiles' frame and it took a while to stop this time. By the end Derek looked at him with a worried expression, even though he tried his best to hide it. Stiles sighed and took his face in his hands.

 

“No thinking today, remember? You promised.”

 

Derek just nodded and forced a smile on his face. “Sorry”, he mumbled and Stiles laid his head on Derek's shoulders. Stiles noticed a metallic taste on his tongue, but it was gone before he could worry about it further. When they showed all the new trailers Stiles and Derek whispered their predictions about each movie to each other. They always did that and it was a lot of fun. Some trailers left them wheezing for breath, because it looked so stupid, which resulted in weird looks by the people around them. Other trailers just left them looking at each other and saying “lame” at the same time. Which made them laugh again. Stiles took Derek's face in his hands and gave him a long kiss. When they seperated, he thought he saw tears in Derek's eyes, but he wasn't sure.

 

“Thank you”, he said and Derek nodded with a sad smile on his lips, because he understood why Stiles said that. After some commercials the movie started and the whole cinema went dark. The music started and it was mesmerizing. The beat and choreography added to the feeling of happiness and lightness. The movie went on and it was just interrupted by some small coughs from Stiles from time to time. Derek was so taken aback by the music that he completely forgot everything around him, plus he was slowly getting used to it by now.

 

Suddenly Stiles let go of Derek's hand, because he needed to cough. After a while the other people in the cinema were shooting annoying glances at him, because he was still coughing and Derek growled.  _Leave him alone!_ he wanted to shout, but then Stiles excused himself and went outside. Derek was still shooting angry glances at everybody and listened with one ear for Stiles. He expected him to come inside soon, but the coughing didn't seem to stop. Derek was about to go outside as well to check on him, when he heard Stiles gasp. And then it hit him. The smell of blood.  _No._ Derek shot up from his chair, grabbed their stuff and ran outside. 

 

Stiles loved this movie! The music went through him and he felt like all his cells were dancing around and he felt joyful. His lungs began aching after a few minutes, but he forgot about it rather quickly. Sometimes he had to cough, because he just couldn't help it, but actually he was used to this by now. But then his lungs began to hurt really bad. He started to cough, but it didn't help. People were looking at him and he felt embarassed, so he excused himself and went outside the room. Stiles leaned against the wall and tried catching his breath, but the pain didn't go away. Slowly he started to panic. He forced himself to calm his breathing, because panic really didn't help right now. But there was no use. Stiles felt like he was coughing his lungs out and then there was this metallic taste again. Without thinking about it he put his hands in front of his mouth the next time he coughed and when he removed them they were covered in blood. He didn't have time to look at it for a long time, because more and more coughs were coming and he had to sink to the floor to not collapse on himself.

 

When Derek came rushing out of the room Stiles was kneeling on the floor trying to breathe, looking at his hands in disbelief.

 

“Stiles, what-”, Derek started, but then he saw the blood on Stiles' hands and mouth.

 

“D...Derek?”, Stiles voice quivered and he was again rocked by coughs. Derek overcame his shock and rushed down onto the floor to him. He didn't know what to do. He was in complete shock. Derek started rubbing Stiles' back and tried calming him down. There were no rational thoughts going through his mind, just pure blank panic.

 

“Shh, it's okay Stiles, you are going to be fine...Shh...just try to breathe”, his voice was high and cracking, he had to hold back his tears. The last thing this situation needed was tears. _Think Derek, THINK!_

 

“I...I...I can't....I can't...”, Stiles panted and clutched his chest. With his other hand he gripped Derek's arm and if he wasn't a werewolf Stiles would have definitely left bruises on his skin. And then he saw Stiles' lips turn a slight shade of blue. _Shitshitshitshit_ he thought _what do I do WHAT DO I DO??_

 

“Stiles please, you have to calm down...I don't know what to do!” But Stiles still kept coughing and his breath started to rattle. _911...I have to call 911!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK ABOUT THIS BEFORE?_ Derek picked up his phone and called an ambulance. 

 

“This is 911 how can I help you?”, a calming voice answered him.

 

“This is Derek Hale, you have to help me....please....I don't-”, Derek's voice failed. Stiles was trying to suck in air, but it sounded sick and wrong. Derek was close to shifting into wolf form and just running away. But he wasn't going to leave Stiles!

 

“It's okay, I am here to help. Try again.”

 

“My boyfriend has lung cancer and he is coughing up blood and I don't know what to do! We are at the cinema, please help him!”, Derek panted and wiped away some tears that escaped his eyes. He smeared blood all over his face during the process, but couldn't care less about it.

 

“Okay, we are on our way, it will take only a few minutes.”, and the phonecall stopped.

 

Stiles was still sucking in air without success and his mind was racing. He was so scared. Derek's hands were trembling and sobs were rocking his body. _What if the paramedics won't make it in time?_

 

“Stiles we have to get outside so that the paramedics can help you faster”, Derek said and the panic made his voice shake. He didn't know if moving Stiles was a good idea, but his mind made that conclusion. Stiles was still clutching his chest, his whole shirt was now full of blood stains. He was trying to breathe, but no oxygen was coming in. His lungs were screaming and Stiles was scared out of his mind. _I can't breathe, I can't breathe._ Derek scooped him up from the floor and basically ran outside. Stiles' sight began to blurry and dark spots were dancing at the edges due to the reduced amount of oxygen in his body. 

 

“Stiles? Stay with me! Stay with me!”, Derek shouted and finally reached the exit. The people at the ticket office were looking at him with a confused and shocked expression when he ran past them. He got outside and already heard the ambulance a few streets away from them. Stiles was still desperately trying to breathe, but it hurt so bad. _I can't do this, I can't._ He just wanted everything to stop. Derek kneeled down but kept Stiles in his arms. When he noticed that Stiles' eyes kept dropping close his heart started racing even more. Derek shook him.

 

“Hey! Don't you dare!”, now Derek couldn't help it, the tears were streaming freely down his face.

 

The ambulance came racing around the courner and Derek sighed in relief. Two men jumped out and ran to them. By then the sound of Stiles sucking in air became louder and more desperate. His face was distorted into a mask of pain and his lips were blue.

 

“Mr. Hale? I am John and this is David, we are here to help you.”, John said, but Derek couldn't really focus. His only concern was Stiles. He looked up at the paramedics and they could see the pure panic in his eyes.

 

“Can you please place him on the floor?”, John said again and finally Derek was able to move his body. He nodded quickly and placed Stiles down. The loss of contact made his heart break and he started stroking Stiles' hair and mumbling reassuring words to him. Derek was on the verge of a panic attack.

 

“Please, please help him!”, he said and looked up again.

 

It took the paramedics a few seconds to analyse Stiles' condition and this time David approached Derek, while John went back into the ambulance to get some supplies.

 

“Mr. Hale? Are you still with us?”

 

“Yeah yeah, I am here”, but Derek wasn't sure if he said that to David or Stiles. David continued anyway.

 

“What's your boyfriend's name?”

 

“Stiles...his name is Stiles”, his voice quivered, “please, you have to help him!”

 

“It seems like Stiles has fluids in his lungs. This can be either blood or water. We have to remove it as fast as possible or he could suffocate. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, yes I undestand.”

 

Derek was in complete shock. Stiles was gripping onto Derek's arm, gasping for breath. He managed to open his eyes and look at Derek. Even though Derek could see that he was panicking, Stiles seemed to signal him to stay calm and breathe. _Even when he is the one in need of help he keeps me centered._ This made Derek snap out of it and he looked at David.

 

“Please just help him, please! I can't loose him!”, he pleaded with tears in his eyes. John came up from behind and knelt next to Stiles as well. With one swift motion he injected Stiles with morphine to help him with the pain.

 

“Stiles, we have to do this now, we can't wait for the morphine to kick in. Are you ready?”, John asked and looked at Stiles.

 

Stiles squeezed Derek's arm and his eyes shut in pain. He couldn't speak at this point. _I can't breathe I CAN'T BREATHE!_

 

“Yes, yes, he is ready!”, Derek shouted and put both his hands on Stiles' head. He began draining his pain, luckily it was getting dark outside, so the black veins on his arms weren't that prominent. Plus the paramedics were trying to safe Stiles' life, they weren't even looking at Derek anyway.

 

“Okay Stiles, here we go.”

 

Then John jammed a needle into Stiles' chest and he sucked in a big gulp of air and his eyes shot open.

 

“I am sorry, we are almost done Stiles”, John said and slowly pulled at the needle. Derek's eyes widened in shock when he saw, that it was soon filled with bloody liquid. Then he noticed a change in Stiles' body. He looked down and saw, that Stiles' grip on his arm weakened. His eyes began dropping close and it took him longer to open them again.

 

“Stiles??”, Derek shouted, but then Stiles' eyes were rolling back into his head and his whole body went slack.

 

“STILES!”, Derek looked at the paramedics, “what the hell is happening to him!?”

 

“It's okay, it's okay Derek”, David tried calming Derek down, “his body is just exhausted and the morphine is slowly kicking in.”

 

When David saw, that it didn't help calming Derek down he grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes.

 

“Hey, hey, breathe Derek. Look at his chest, it is moving. He is still breathing.”, Derek saw David's face through the tears and then moved his glance to Stiles. And David was right. Stiles' chest was moving up and down in a constant rhythm. Derek allowed himself to relax a bit. Stiles was okay for now. It was still crushing his heart to see Stiles laying to his feet with his eyes closed and a needle coming out of his chest. David put an oxygen mask over his face. It was bloody and there was a layer of sweat covering it. But Stiles was okay. Derek kept repeating that phrase inside his head as a mantra. _Stiles is okay. Stiles is okay._

 

“We're going to take him to the hospital now”, John said and removed the needle out of Stiles' moving chest. They began putting him onto a stretcher and wheeled him into the ambulance.

 

“I will follow you”, Derek said to the paramedics and kissed Stiles on the forehead. _Don't leave me_ , _please_.

 

Derek raced to his car and before he could enter it, the ambulance was already gone. He could hear the sirens fastly moving away from him. Derek started the motor and floored the gas pedal. He cursed every red light and played with the thought of driving across the intersection anyway, but he couldn't help Stiles if he was dead. The drive to the hospital seemed to be going on forever, but finally he saw it. He parked his car in front of the emergency exit and sprinted inside.

 

_Please be okay_

 

_Please be okay_

 


	4. At the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, this took a while. Uni is being a bitch at the moment  
> Enjoy ♥

Derek came sprinting through the doors. His heart was pounding and his vision was foggy from all the tears. He almost tripped over some stretchers and wheelchairs when he made his way to the reception. The woman at the counter looked at him worryingly.

 

“Sir, can I help you?” she carefully asked.

 

Derek forced himself to focus again.

 

“Yeah...my boyfriend must have arrived a few minutes ago. He...uhm...he was coughing up blood and the paramedics...uhm...John and David they brought him here...”, he was totally out of breath and his mind was still racing. He couldn't even form a clear thought.

 

“Okay, let me check that.”, she said again and typed some things in the computer. Derek closed his eyes for a second and tried steadying himself, because he could feel the wolf bubbling under the surface. _Easy, easy_ he told himself _it's okay, everything is going to be okay_.

 

“Your boyfriend is Mr. Stilinski, is that right?”

 

“Yes, that's him”, Derek said and shot the nurse a hopeful look.

 

“Yes, Mr. Stilinski was brought in about ten minutes ago and is now being treated by Dr. Adams. I could call him, so that he could come out and talk to you”, the nurse looked at Derek.

 

“That would be great”, Derek said and forced a smile on his face. He needed to know if Stiles was okay, otherwise he would loose his mind.

 

“Okay, then please take a seat over there, he will be with you in a few minutes.”

 

Derek mumbled a 'thank you' and sat down on one of the chairs. He knew, that there was nothing he could do now for Stiles and that the doctors were doing everything they could, but it still felt like he was useless.

 

_Everything is going to be okay_

 

_Everything is going to be okay_

 

_Everything is going to be okay_

 

It was like a mantra inside his head. His leg was twitching up and down in a fast rhythm and he formed his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. He didn't even hear the doctor come trough the doors, he was so focused on keeping calm.

 

“For Stilinski?”, Derek's head shot up.

 

“Yes!”, he almost shouted and ran to the doctor, “how is he? Is he okay?”, he was so anxious to hear the answers, his whole body started shaking again.

 

“When Mr. Stilinski arrived here he was in a very bad condition”, the doctor started and Derek was about to faint at the sound of that information, “the paramedics did a great job removing the fluids, however when they brought him in, we had to remove some more, since his lungs began filling up again.”

 

Derek tried nodding and comprehending what he was saying, but all he could think about was the fact that Stiles could die right here right now just because Derek had been too slow.

 

“He is now in the intensive care unit and hooked up to a machine to help him breathe, but he is okay for now.”

 

The doctor must have seen how horrible Derek looked, so he put a hand on his shoulder and Derek flinched at the sudden contact.

 

“Mr. Hale, right? Derek?”, he asked and Derek slowly nodded.

 

“Derek, you did a great job back there”, Derek looked him in the eyes and didn't believe a word he was saying, “you reacted appropriately and called the ambulance right away. You have saved his life, you know that?”

 

“I...I did?”, Derek's voice quivered.

 

“Yeah, you did”, Dr. Adams smiled and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. Derek took a deep breath and let that sink in. _He is okay, he is okay._

 

“Can I...can I see him?”, he needed to see it with his own eyes, that Stiles was okay. But the look on the doctor's face wiped away all hope.

 

“I am sorry, but only family members are allowed in the intensive care unit. It's hospital policy”, Dr. Adams looked genuinely sad.

 

“Okay”, Derek swallowed the lump down his throat. He understand, but this didn't change the fact, that he was getting more and more anxious with every passing minute. However he had to stay calm now and he knew there way no point in making a scene.

 

“Did you already call his dad?”, he asked therefore.

 

“Yes, Sheriff Stilinski is on his way, we called him a few minutes ago. I am really sorry, that there is nothing I can do for you right now, but just remember, that Mr. Stilinski is fine right now, thanks to you”, Dr. Adams smiled again and put his hands back in the pockets of his coat.

 

“Okay, thank you. Please take care of him.”, Derek said and looked Dr. Adams in the eyes.

 

“We will”, the doctor said and went back through the door he came in earlier.

 

Derek's heart finally slowed down to a normal rhythm. _Stiles is fine. He is fine._ Derek almost started to laugh. He couldn't stop the small smile forming on his face. He tried focusing his hearing to find Stiles' or Dr. Adam's voice, but there were so many different noises, that he couldn't focus properly. He sank down into the chair and suddenly felt so exhausted. The small shot of happiness was gone too fast and the crushing fear was back. There were so many things that could go wrong, Stiles could have another cough attack or he could actually suffocate. The thoughts in his mind began to get wilder and crazier with every second, so he had to physically force himself to focus again. He formed his hands into fists so hard his knuckles cracked. His breaths were coming out harsh and short. The people around him were starting to look at him, so he opened his fists again and thought of something different to occupy his mind. Derek started thinking about all the good times he had with Stiles. Like the time were a pack meeting went extra long and Stiles fell asleep with his head on his shoulder. Derek was afraid to move for the rest of the night. When the others left, Stiles was still asleep, so Derek picked him up and carried him to bed. Stiles always stayed up late doing research, so a good night sleep was well needed and deserved. When Derek removed his arms from under Stiles, he rolled around and made a disapproving noise. Then Stiles grabbed onto Derek's arm and slowly pulled him onto the bed as well. Derek was so nervous when he layed down next to him, but Stiles just mumbled something in his sleep and put his head on Derek's chest. This was one of the best sleep both of them had in weeks. While he was thinking about that memory and smiling to himself he didn't notice Noah entering the hospital.

 

The sheriff came rushing through the doors, his jacket flying after him like a cape and his face was red from either crying or exhaustion or both. He ran directly to the counter and asked for his son. When the nurse was looking at the computer the sheriff looked around the room and saw Derek sitting in the chair with his eyes closed and a soft smile on his face. After the nurse told him that he could go see his son, he thanked her quickly and made his way to Derek. Noah needed to see Stiles, otherwise he would go mental, but seeing Derek made him realise, that he isn't the only one whose heart was about to break. And so he approached Derek carefully.

 

“Hey, Derek”, he whispered, but Derek's eyes shot open as if he had been screaming that into his ears. When Derek saw the sheriff he was so scared, that he was going to yell at him, because he got Stiles into this mess. But what he didn't expect was the bone crushing hug he got from Noah. Derek froze for a second, but then fiercly hugged him back and his his face in the sheriff's neck.

 

“I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to do”, Derek kept repeating over and over again. And the suddenly there were tears forming in his eyes, “I am so so sorry...”

 

“Shh, it's okay son”, Noah said and slowly rocked him back and forth, “it's okay.”

 

They stayed like this for a while and then Derek let go of the sheriff and leaned back into his chair. He realised, that he was keeping him away from seeing Stiles. Derek sniffed and looked at the sheriff.

 

“Go see him, I am sure he is already waiting for you”, Derek tried to smile and wiped the tears off his face.

 

“Okay”, the sheriff said softly and forced a smile as well, “I'll tell him, that you are right outside waiting for him.”

 

Derek nodded and the sheriff got up to vanish through the doors. Derek took a deep breath and dragged his hands over his face. At least now the sheriff was with Stiles and that calmed him down a lot. Derek was dead tired, but he couldn't rest. Not until he saw Stiles with his own eyes. The time was slowly dragging along. It felt like he had been sitting here for three days, even though it had probably just been three hours. Derek was slowly getting insane. He thought about just running through the doors and finding Stiles, but he didn't want to make a scene.

 

He then saw Noah coming through the door, he looked exhausted as well. Derek looked at him hopefully.

 

“Stiles is still asleep”, Noah said and slumped down into the chair next to Derek, “but I think that's a good thing...I think...”

 

Derek sighed and relaxed a bit. Stiles was still alive.

 

“He probably just needs to rest”, Derek started, “it was pretty...his last cough attack was pretty severe”

 

“He is going to be fine, he just has to be”, the sheriff said quietly. Derek couldn't answer anything. He was scared out of his mind.

 

“I'll better get back in, just in case he wakes up”, Noah said and wiped his hands over his face.

 

“I am pretty sure it would mean a lot if you were the fist person he would see after he wakes up”, Derek said and smiled. Noah chuckled and smiled as well.

 

“Okay, I'll talk to you soon”, Noah said and hugged Derek before walking back to Stiles. Derek watched him leave and tried following his steps back to Stiles' room. It took him a great amount of focus, but he could hear Noah stop and then the rustling of a hospital bed. He focused his hearing even more and could make out the beeping of some machines. It was in a steady rhythm, a bit slower than it should be, but Derek was glad that it was going steadily. He heard the sheriff talking about something, but he could just make out pieces of the conversation. Appparently something about Stiles being a pirate for his birthday. Derek smiled to himself. The sheriff just continued to talk about somme other childhood memories and then Derek heard Noah shout.

 

“HE IS AWAKE! HE IS AWAKE!”, and it didn't take Derek two seconds to burst trough the doors. He heard the nurse at the counter shout after him, that he was allowed to go through there, but he couldn't care less about that right now. All that mattered was that Stiles was awake and most importantly alive right now. He ran into some nurses and doctors on his way, he just blindly followed the sheriff's voice. And then he saw Noah standing in a doorway looking like he just won the lottery and found the cure for cancer himself. He stopped in front of Noah, breathing heavily. Noah just nodded happily and Derek ran around the courner into the room.

 

Stiles was sickly pale and connected to a big, noise making machine. Dr. Adams was checking his vital signs at the moment and looked up to shoot him a small smile before continuing his work. Stiles' eyes were small slots and they were dropping close almost every second. Derek rushed to his side and took his hand.

 

“Hey”, Derek's voice broke. Stiles' eyes slowly opened again and he started to smile. He then moved his arm and removed the oxygen mask off his face.

 

“Kiss me”, Stiles whispered and without Derek's abilities he might not have heard it at all. But he did and the sound of Stiles's voice made his breath almost stop. He hadn't been sure if he was going to hear his voice ever again.

 

Derek leaned down and placed a kiss on Stiles' chopped lips. Stiles returned it timidly. Derek almost forgot where they were, because whenever he was kissing Stiles the whole world around them stopped and he felt whole. After they broke Stiles put the mask back on and squeezed Derek's hand. This movement alone exhausted him and he just wanted to sleep. He felt his dad's presence on his other side. Derek didn't pay attention to the other people in this room, he was so focused on looking at Stiles, and almost jumped at the sound of Dr. Adams speaking.

 

“Mr. Stilinski, it is better if you aren't talking a lot for the next few hours, just to give your body and especially your lungs time to rest and regenerate. I need to ask you some questions though. Just squeeze your dad's hand once for 'yes' and twice for 'no', okay?”

 

“Yes”, Noah answered for Stiles.

 

“How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?”

 

“No”, both Noah and Derek shot angry glances at Stiles and it actually looked quite funny. After a few seconds he squeezed Noah's hand again.

 

“Yes”, Noah said and looked back at the doctor.

 

“Do you need more painkillers?”

 

“No.”

 

“Do your lungs hurt? Are you feeling any pain in your chest?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay, this is normal Stiles. The tubes you are connected with can irritate your body and the whole process of removing fluids from your lungs strained them as well. Do you feel pain anywhere else? Like in your head for example?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay, we will give you some more painkillers, they should help you. But if there is anything else, you tell us, okay? Just notify your father or Derek and then we will help you.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Stiles tried so hard to listen and stay awake, but his eyes kept falling shut. His lungs were aching pretty badly, but it wasn't the worst pain he had ever experienced. At least he could breathe again. He was exhausted and everybody in the room could see it. But they weren't finished yet and things needed to be discussed. But Stiles was so unbelievably tired.

 

“We have to start chemotheraphy as soon as we can, however in order to get the best results we have to perform surgery to minimize the size of the tumor. I saw in your file, that it was due tomorrow anyway, we didn't expect your condition to change so quickly”, the doctor saw, that Stiles was almost falling asleep and shifted his focus on the sheriff instead, “we need to keep him here in order to check on him every day. Is it possible that you could gather some clothes and supplies for him?”

 

“Yes, I can do that, of course. Do you know how long he will stay here?”

 

“For now we can't say anything for certain. We will perform the surgery tomorrow and then he gets a few days of rest before the chemotherapy will start. The cycle will go on for three days. He still needs to rest after that as well. I would say, that he needs to stay here at least 4 to 5 weeks, maybe even more, depending on the results from the scans we are doing after the first cycle.”

 

Stiles was still listening with one ear and could feel both his dad and Derek next to him. They were holding his hand, one at each side and this made him feel safe and warm. His dad's hand was sweaty and shaking. Stiles wanted to reassure him, that everything was going to be fine, but he couldnt get his eyes to open up again. Derek's hand was warm and strong, but it was shaking as well. Stiles was so happy that he was here as well. With both of them by his side, he could get through everything.

 

“Okay”, the sheriff nodded fiercly as if trying to hide the shock. Dr. Adams waved at some nurses and they came inside and started working on the machines surrounding Stiles. By now he was fast asleep and breathing normally.

 

“Since Mr. Stilinski has woken up and his vital signs are in the normal area again, we can move him into a different part of the hospital where he will stay for the rest of the treatment”, Dr. Adams looked both of them in the eyes “we will do everything we can, I promise you that.”

 

“Thank you”, the sheriff said and it was genuine. The doctor nodded and excused himself, he would see after Stiles later again.

 

The nurses finished with their work and began wheeling Stiles out of the room, so Derek and Noah had to let go of his hand. It felt like a goodbye, but this time it was Derek who shot Noah a reassuring smile and put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“He is going to be fine”, Derek said determingly

 

“Yeah”, the sheriff breathed and both of them started walking behind the nurses. They walked for about 10 minutes and then arrived at Stiles' new room. It was located on the third floor, a floor designated to cancer treatment. When they wheeled him in the nurses began setting up the equipment again, but this time it was just an oxygen tank next to Stiles' bed and the heart monitor. The last thing was just a precaution, that everything was okay with Stiles. The nurses left after they were done and Derek and the sheriff were alone with Stiles.

 

“Alright, I am gonna get his stuff, I guess I'll be back in an hour or so”, Noah said and put a hand on Stiles' leg. He started stroking it unconciously for a few seconds and then cleared his throat. Stiles' stirred in his sleep and slowly opened his eyes.

 

“Dad?”, he croaked.

 

“Hey kiddo”, Noah said and moved closer to Stiles, “I am just going to fetch some stuff alright? You are gonna stay here for a while.”

 

Stiles swallowed and nodded.

 

“Are you going to stay with him?”, Noah asked Derek.

 

“Yes, I won't leave his side”, Derek said and from the look on his face Noah knew, that Derek would protect his son at all costs. It almost made him tear up, because he was so happy for them. They were an amazing pair.

 

“Okay”, Noah said and with a last squeeeze of Stiles' arm he shuffled outside.

 

“Are you feeling alright? Do you need anything?”, Derek said softly and sat down next to Stiles.

 

“Come here”, Stiles whispered and tried to move a bit to make room for Derek. Derek didn't want to hurt Stiles, but his wolf needed to feel Stiles and he had the impression that Stiles needed it too. So Derek took off his shoes and carefully layed down next to Stiles. He put his arm around him and slowly fastened the embrace. Stiles sighed happily and fell asleep immediately. Derek kept stroking his hair and caressing his skin and after a while the slow beeping from the heart monitor made him fall asleep as well.

 


	5. The Surgery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry it took so long... but here it is! The next chapter will come sooner, it is already 90% done, I just couldn't stop writing.  
> Again, I hope I got everything right, if not, then please correct me. I tried to be as accurate as possible.

Derek called the pack after Stiles was fast asleep again, to tell them everything. At first they were confused and started almost screaming when they found out, that Stiles was at the hospital. But after Derek told them the rest of the story they calmed down a bit and announced themselves to visit Stiles first thing tomorrow morning.

 

Later that night the sheriff came back and brought all the stuff Stiles might need in the next weeks. Stiles was still asleep then, his body was exhausted and the battery drained. They talked in hushed voices about the next weeks and then the nurse came in to tell them that visiting hour was over. It was insanely difficult for both of them to leave Stiles here, even though they knew, that he was perfectly taken care of. The next day they could come back at 11 am, but this left them both without Stiles for many hours. Noah felt like he was leaving Stiles forever and Derek had to almost drag him out of the room. Noah then drove home and walked directly to his bedroom. It was too depressing to see the empty house and he wanted nothing more than to sleep and catch a break. He tried to not think about the similarities to Claudia's situation so many years ago, but his heart ached at the thought of his loving wife. He couldn't bear loosing Stiles, he was everything to him.

 

Derek drove to the loft to fetch some things and to pack a bag for the hospital. He wasn't planning on leaving Stiles there all alone. The loft however felt really empty in comparison to Stiles' home where there was always something happening. Either a movie was on TV or the pack was over or Stiles would just talk and talk about everything. Falling asleep that night was difficult as well. Derek thought about going to Stiles' bedroom to at least sleep with his scent in his nose, but decided, that this might be too much. So he tossed and turned and finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

He woke up in the morning not feeling very rested. Derek decided, that it might help him to go for a run. So he changed into his running gear and sprinted out of the house and into the woods. The steady rhythm of his feet on the ground helped him calm down and his heart was beating in a steady drum. He started to think more positive about the whole situation. Derek knew, that Stiles was strong and pretty badass, he survived a nogitsune for God's sake! He can survive this stupid cancer as well. Derek arrived at the loft about an hour later and took a nice long shower. He felt so much better after this and cleaned up a bit before heading to the hospital. He was there at 11 am sharp and took the elevator to the third floor. When he went around the corner he saw Scott, Lydia and Allison standing in the main hall looking totally lost. Then Lydia saw him and ran towards him.

 

“Where is he?”, she asked breathlessly and Derek led them to Stiles' room. They were quiet on their way, all of them completely lost in thought and then Scott saw Stiles and the sheriff through the window of his room and started running.

 

The room was filled with “Oh my god”s and “Thank god”s when they all came bursting through the door. Allison jumped straight into Stiles' bed and gave him a bonecrushing hug.

 

“Damn you!”, she muttered when she fastened the embrace. Stiles and his dad just laughed and Stiles pulled her closer to him as well. He looked healthy and well rested and Derek almost forgot the reason he was in here. Only the nasal cannula, which was providing him with air was an indication of the disease.

 

“Hello to you too”, Stiles laughed.

 

“You gave us a pretty good scare!”, Scott said accusingly and looked at Stiles with his big brown eyes.

 

“Well it's not like it was a pony ride for me”, Stiles said laughingly again and let go of Allison.

 

“How are you feeling now? And don't say fine again or I swear to god, I will break something.”, Lydia said mockingly. Derek chuckled.

 

“I am fine guys, really. They removed the liquid from my lungs and chemo starts soon. I am actually bored out of my mind!”

 

Derek was watching the whole scenario from the other side of the room and couldn't stop the stupid grin forming on his face. It made him beyond happy that they were all here to cheer Stiles up. And he looked geniunly relaxed and content right now sitting in between the pack. The sheriff was looking better as well. Seeing Stiles in a hospital bed reminded him of bad times, but then again seeing him happy and carefree like that made his heart flutter. He was so proud of his son for being so strong.

 

The pack stayed for a few hours and these were filled with laughter and happiness. Even Derek couldn't stop laughing at some point when Scott didn't get an obvious joke. It left them all wheezing for breath and holding their stomachs, because the confused look on Scott's face was hilarious.

 

At around 1 pm a nurse came in and told them, that Stiles had to get ready for surgery. Derek could see on their faces, that they completely forgot about the disease and were now painfully reminded again. They all hugged him goodbye and Stiles promised them to take some pictures when he was high on those drugs. But nobody really laughed anymore.

 

When they were all gone, Stiles smile almost faded completely. He was too tired of keeping up the act. He was actually scared out of his mind. His dad came up to the bed and sat down. He put a hand on Stiles' shoulder and made him look at him.

 

“Hey, it's going to be alright”, he said quietly. Stiles shot him a forced smile and cleared his throat.

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

Derek sat down on the bed as well and put a steadying hand on Stiles' leg. Stiles felt better with them all by his side. He was eternally grateful for them all. Scott actually made a little book for him. Inside there were photos of the pack and some reassuring words. It looked absolutely adorable and Scott had made an effort to do it as best as he could, but the pictures were glued in crookedly and it put a smile on Stiles' face. No matter how bad the situation got, Scott was always by his side. They were brothers and everybody could see that. Derek noticed the little book and asked Stiles about it. Stiles took the book in his hands and sat cross-legged on the bed.

 

“Scott gave it to me”, Stiles chuckled and opened the book. His dad and Derek leaned in and looked at the pictures. It showed the pack smiling and messing around. Stiles told stories to each of the pictures and some of them made Derek and his dad laugh out loud.

 

After about half an hour later the nurse came in followed by Dr. Adams.

 

“Hello Stiles, how are you today?”, he asked with a smile.

 

“I am good. Ready to get this thing out of my body”, Stiles laughed.

 

“That sounds good. We are going to prepare you for surgery, but first I wanted to explain to you what we are doing exactly”, Dr. Adams started and opened the folder he had in his hands.

 

“These are your X-ray pictures from the scan we did when you got here. Can you see, that there is a blob of tissue at the end of your right lung?”

 

They all nodded and the doctor continued.

 

“Today we are going to perform a Lobectomy. This means, that we are going to remove the lobe of your lung that contains the cancer”, he marked the right spot with his marker, “don't worry, after that your lungs will still function. You are just going to keep the nasal cannula after the surgery for more oxygen inlet, alright?”

 

Derek listened to the doctor talking and he sounded calm and trustworthy. And Derek really did trust the doctor, but on the other hand it was Stiles going into surgery and if something would happen to him, he would never forgive himself for not realising sooner, that something was wrong. Then his phone rang and he excused himself to answer it outside the room.

 

“Scott, what is wrong?”

 

“Derek? You have to come right now”, he was whispering, “we think that there are werewolves here and need your help.”

 

“Stiles is having his surgery today and-”

 

“I know dude, listen we-”, he stopped and Derek could hear leaves rustling and the wind blowing through the phone. Scott must be running through the preserve right now. Derek heard a few other footprints as well and figured, that Lydia and Allison were with him. He anxiously waited for Scott to talk again.

 

“I know, but I can smell more than just one werewolf and we need every help we can get”, Scott was still whispering.

 

Derek sighed and said, that he would be right there. He wanted to be here with Stiles today, but at least the sheriff was with him.

 

Stiles was anxiously sitting on the bed with his father's hands in his. He felt much better than yesterday, but now hearing about what they were going to do with his lung made him pretty nervous. When Derek's phone rang Stiles almost jumped up, because his whole body was so tense. He saw Derek walk outside and focused back on Dr. Adams.

 

“Remember, that this surgery needs to be done in order to get better results for the chemotheraphy. If we already remove most of the tumor tissue beforehand, then the drugs can work more effectively, okay?”

 

“Yes, I understand”, Stiles said and his dad squeezed his hands, because he noticed how nervous Stiles actually was. Besides, Noah was freaking out himself and needed the physical contact himself.

 

“Okay, then if you don't have any more questions”, both of them shook their heads, “then we are going to prepare everything and take you with us, alright?”

 

“Okay”, Stiles said and smiled. The sooner he would get this over with the better. Derek was coming back inside and walked up to him and his dad, while Dr. Adams talked to the nurse.

 

“I am really sorry guys, but Scott needs my help with...something.”

 

Stiles instantaneously knew, that it was something supernatural. He was sad about it, but he knew, that Derek had to go. Nevertheless he hated, that he couldn't go with Derek to protect him, he was always scared when Derek went alone. He was relieved to know, that the pack was there as well and that they would all protect each other.

 

“Okay, but be safe, alright?”, he said to Derek. Derek smiled.

 

“Always am”, he gave Stiles a kiss on the forehead, “you, too.”

 

“I will inform you if anything comes up”, Noah said and stood up to shook Derek's hand.

 

“Thank you, sir”, he said and with a last glance on Stiles he walked out of the room.

 

Then everything was done quickly and Stiles was actually getting calmer with every second. Being nervous didn't help him now anyways and he was more than happy, that today he could finally start fighting this stupid thing inside his lungs. His dad however was biting his nails and his forehead was wrinkled with sorrow. Stiles squeezed his hand and shot him a reassuring smile. His dad timidly returned it.

 

“Are you ready, Mr. Stilinski?”, the nurse asked.

 

“Yeah, as ready as I can ever be”, Stiles smiled and looked at his dad. He was just looking into nothingness, his brows still furrowed.

 

“Dad, it's going to be fine, I promise.”

 

His dad gave him a big hug. He took a deep breath and smiled back at Stiles.

 

“You got this!”, he then said and the nurse wheeled Stiles outside the room. _Now what?_ the sheriff thought to himself and sat down on the chair. The room was suddenly so empty and quiet. The sheriff forced himself to think positive. _Stiles is a strong kid, he can do it!_ Time was dragging along and Noah got more and more anxious. He paced around the room and looked out the window and then walked back to the chair. He was too nervous to sit down and relax, so he decided to tidy up the room, but since Stiles only got here yesterday, there wasn't much to do. After about fifteen minutes the wardrobe was rearranged and he had placed Stiles' stuff in the bathroom. Noah thought about going down and asking how the surgery was going, but he didn't want to disturb the doctors, so he forced himself to take some deep breaths. _This is nothing like Claudia_ he said to himself. _He is going to be fine, he just has to be._ Suddenly his phone rang, it was Derek.

 

“Hey, Derek, what's up?”, his voice almost broke and he cleared his throat.

 

“How is it going?”, Derek sounded out of breath. Noah wondered why.

 

“He is still in surgery, but I haven't heard anything, so I think it's going well.” _I hope._

 

“Yeah, that sounds good”, Derek said, “listen, this will take longer than expected. Scott has a problem with...with maths. Is it okay for you, if I stay a bit longer?”

 

The sheriff was confused.

 

“For me?”

 

“Yeah, for you. I know how nervous you are, I can sense it through the phone”, Derek froze and wanted to punch himself for saying it like that. He hoped, that this didn't sound that strange to a human who didn't know anything about the supernatural world.

 

“Oh”, Noah just said and was confused, that Derek could apparently sense his current mental state, “it's fine, don't worry about it. Fix the sitation and then come back, the surgery will take a few hours anyway.”

 

The line was silent for a while.

 

“Okay then”, Derek said, “take care of yourself sheriff.”

 

“You, too”, he said and ended the phonecall. He continued pacing back and forth the room. All this stuff reminded him of his wife and he missed her so much. Noah almost thought that he was hearing her voice inside his head, talking about how it hurt and how she just wanted it to go away. His breaths started to come out harsh and uneven and his hands started to shake. Noah knew that these were early signs of a panic attack and tried calming down his breaths. _This is not helping right now!_ he said to himself and slowly his heart rate calmed down again after a few minutes. God, he was so scared, that he would loose Stiles as well. But he reminded himself, that it was too early to think like that. After a while he decided, that maybe he would need a coffee and headed down to the cafeteria. But as soon as he was standing at the checkout his heart started to race. What if something went wrong and they were looking for him? And since he wasn't in Stiles' room they couldn't find him! What if Stiles was in danger? His mind was racing and he almost threw the money at the cashier before sprinting back into Stiles' room. Noah got there and was completely out of breath, but no nurse was waiting for him to tell him bad news. _It is just my imagination going wild_ he told himself and ran his hand over his face. The coffee actually helped and soon he felt calmer. He sat down on Stiles' bed and took Scott's book in his hands. Noah flipped through the pages and smiled when he saw all their happy faces. Finally, after what felt like forever, he heard voices outside the room and saw Dr. Adams coming around the corner.

 

The nurses wheeled Stiles back into the room, Dr. Adams was following them. Stiles was asleep and looked so small laying in that hospital bed. There was a tube coming out of his chest and an oxygen mask on his face. It scared the hell out of Noah to see him like this. Stiles was motionless, which was already weird and if it wasn't for the constant beeping of the heart monitor, Noah would have thought that Stiles was gone. As soon as they finished connecting Stiles to everything, the sheriff moved to sit on his bed and held his hand. It was ice cold and Stiles looked sickly pale.

 

“The surgery went well Sheriff, now he just has to rest”, Dr. Adams said, but Noah couldn't talk. He was afraid, that if he would open his mouth, he would start crying and never stop. He was relieved to hear, that everything was going to be okay. But seeing his son like that...

 

“The tubes need to stay in a little bit longer, they drain fluid and blood out of Stiles' chest to help his lungs refill with air. You see this machine there? It sucks all the fluids out and pumps them into this container. As soon as nothing drops into it anymore, we can remove the tubes. It actually looks worse than it is”, he smiled up to the sheriff, but could see, how frightened he was. Dr. Adams moved to his side and put a steadying hand on the sheriff's shoulder.

 

“He is going to be just fine, promise me, he is a strong kid. It is completely normal for the body to be like this after a surgery, but trust me, he is going to be okay.”

 

Finally Noah opened his mouth.

 

“Thank you”, he said and held back a sob.

 

“The tubes probably need to stay for a few days, but don't worry, this isn't unusual, like I said. It takes some time for the lungs to be filled with air completely without any fluids inside.”

 

“Okay, thank you doctor”, the sheriff said and stood up to shake his hand.

 

“I will check on him in a few hours, but if anything comes up, then ask for me”, he said, before walking out of the room.

 

Noah let out a big sigh and sat back on the bed.

 

“I am too old for this”, he said and chuckled. Stiles looked peaceful in his sleep, which calmed Noah down a bit. He stroke his hair out of his face and placed a kiss on Stiles' forehead.

 

“I am here, you are safe”, his voice broke and his hands began to shake. He was so happy and relieved, that the surgery went well, but seeing his own son like this broke something in him. He felt, like he failed Stiles, like he didn't protect him enough. Just like he failed to protect his wife. The thought of Claudia made him cry and he felt so alone all of a sudden.

 

When Stiles slowly opened his eyes he took in a raspy breath and it hurt like hell. He noticed the mask on his face and something was itching inside his chest. He slowly blinked and saw his dad sitting on his bed, leaning over him, but everything was kinda unfocused and blurry. He saw his dad's mouth move, but didn't hear any sounds. Stiles swallowed and closed his eyes as the blackness took him in again.

 

When Derek came back, Stiles was asleep and the sheriff was biting his nails. When he noticed Derek Noah just looked up and shot him small smile before focusing back on Stiles. Derek sat down on the other side of the bed and took Stiles' hand as well.

 

“How are you holding up?”, Derek asked the sheriff.

 

“He woke up a few minutes ago, but just for a moment. What if he is never waking up? What if I failed him as well?”, he whispered the last part and subconsciously stoke Stiles' hand. Tears were falling down on their intertwined hands. Derek looked over and the sheriff was sitting in a hunched position. Derek got up and moved over to him. When he stood behind the sheriff he placed a hand onto his shoulder and drew some of his pain, making sure, that he didn't notice that. It was more than expected and the sheriff reaked of grief and sadness. Noah sighed at the sudden loss of pain and cleared his throat.

 

“You know, I was the one who was supposed to be laying in a hospital bed with Stiles caring for me. Not the other way around.”

 

Derek didn't know what to say.

 

“I can't loose him”, Noah sniffled and his voice broke.

 

“You won't”, Derek said quietly.

 

“You don't know that.”

 

“I know...I don't”, Derek answered defeatedly.

 

They were both quiet. None of them knowing what to say.

 

The second time Stiles opened his eyes the mask was replaced with a canula and it was much easier to breathe. His chest still hurt though. Stiles swallowed and noticed that somebody was holding his hand. Both of them actually. He squeezed them and almost instantaneously he heard his name coming from both sides in a concerned voice.

 

“Stiles? Stiles are you alright?”

 

“Do you need anything? Are you okay?”

 

The voices were loud and his ears were ringing. He closed his eyes for a second and waited until the ringing got less. When he opened his eyes again he saw his dad and Derek standing at both sides of the bed. The sight of that made him smile.

 

“Hey”, he croaked and both sighed and relaxed.

 

“How are you feeling kiddo?”, his dad asked him.

 

“Sleepy”, Stiles said and already felt tired again.

 

“Just relax, we are both right here. We are not leaving you”, Derek said quietly but after the first sentence Stiles was already asleep.

 

The next time Stiles woke up, third time's a charm, he felt much better. He was greeted with his dad smiling at him, still sitting in the same position as the last time he saw him. Stiles looked around and saw Derek standing at the window, now walking towards him.

 

“How are you now?”, his dad asked.

 

“Much better”, Stiles answered truthfully and wanted to sit up, but then a pain in his chest stopped him. He hissed and reached to the site just to find a tube sticking out of it.

 

“What the-”, he started and fell back into the pillow again.

 

“This tube helps your lungs recovering”, his dad explained him, “take it easy for a while.”

 

“Huh”, was all Stiles could say, because it actually really hurt. He looked around, but couldn't find Derek. He was about to ask his dad, when he saw Derek coming back with the doctor. Derek looked like he hadn't slept in days and his clothes were stained with dirt at some places. Stiles wondered what had happened and wanted to ask him, but was interrupted by Dr. Adams.

 

“Good to see you are finally awake now”, Dr. Adams smiled and checked the machines and Stiles' vitals, “everything seems to be working fine, how are you feeling?”

 

“He is in a lot of pain”, Derek answered before Stiles had the chance to. Stiles shot him an annoyed glance, he could take care of himself. But then he saw how devastated Derek actually looked and wanted nothing more than to hold him close.

 

Dr. Adams moved to one of the IV bags and opened the switch more and Stiles felt better almost immediately.

 

“Is that better?”, Dr. Adams asked him.

 

“Mhm”, Stiles said happily and relaxed.

 

“Is the pain normal?”, Noah asked with a concerned voice.

 

“Pain is pretty common after this type of surgery, I am really sorry about that. But we will give your son some painkillers if it gets too much.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Dr. Adams left after a few minutes and Stiles was feeling much better already. He looked at Derek, who noticed the glance.

 

“What the hell happened to you?”, Stiles asked and furrowed his brow in confusion. Derek got closer to the bed and sat down. He knew, that the sheriff had no idea about the supernatural and tried to find a way to start explaining the story without it in it. But luckily the sheriff went outside to stretch his legs. Derek waited a while to be sure, that the sheriff couldn't hear them and then started talking.

 

“There were some werewolves who wanted to claim the territory for themselves and we had to fight them off”, he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“Is that...blood in your hair?”, Stiles picked up some dried flakes, which were slowly falling down onto the bed.

 

“Oh yeah, I must have missed seeing it earlier, it's not mine, don't worry”, Derek tried waving it off, but could see, that Stiles wasn't ready to do that quite yet.

 

“Well I _am_ going to worry, because this sounds dangerous! Are the others okay?”

 

“The whole pack is safe, don't worry. Lydia was a great help, she is getting better with using her abilities and Allison was the perfect sniper”, Derek chuckled.

 

Stiles didn't say anything, he was still looking into Derek's eyes and held his hand.

 

“Are _you_ okay?”, Stiles asked him.

 

“Yes, of course”, Derek answered surprised, “I can heal.”

 

“I know you can heal”, Stiles rolled his eyes, “you just look like you got ran over by a truck.”

 

“Hey, it's fine, I am not the one you need to worry about. You are the one who needs to get healthy”, Derek smiled.

 

“I still hate it when you go out and then come back like that”, Stiles said quietly and stroke a thumb over Derek's hand. Derek put his hand over his and kissed him longingly.

 

“You need to take care of yourself as well”, Stiles added, “I can't loose you.”

 

“You won't. I will be fine, I promise”, Derek said and couldn't hide the smile forming on his face.

 

There was a soft knock on the door and when they both looked up they saw the nurse standing in the doorway.

 

“I am sorry, but it would be best if Stiles could get some rest. You can come back tomorrow”, she said with a smile.

 

“No, it's okay, really”, Stiles said and held onto Derek's hand stronger.

 

“Mr. Stilinski, you really need your rest-”, she started again, but Stiles was interrupting her.

 

“I can rest at night, please let them stay, it's fine”, Stiles was almost pleading. It worried Derek to see him like this. Stiles looked really scared, even though he tried to hide it.

 

The nurse was quiet for a few seconds.

 

“Fine”, she finally said softly and Stiles relaxed, “but if you feel like it is too much, then don't hesitate to let them know, alright?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Stiles looked back at Derek and saw him raising his eyebrows.

 

“What?”, Stiles asked.

 

“Are you sure you are okay?”

 

“Yeah, I'm fine. I just don't like being alone right now, that's all”, Stiles said and looked down.

 

“Well your dad and I are not leaving you, if you don't want to. And if you need us during the night, just call. I am pretty sure, that even Allison or Scott would love to hear your voice, even if it is the middle of the night”, he smiled and put his hand under Stiles' chin to move it up.

 

“Thank you”, Stiles just said and gave Derek a small kiss on the lips.

 

“Should I leave you two lovebirds alone?”, Noah laughed when he came back into the room.

 

Their kiss turned into their teeth pressed together when both of them smiled.

 

“Way to ruin the mood, dad”, Stiles laughed.

 

The doctor gave Stiles about a week of rest before they would start with chemotheraphy. The first day Noah was staying with them at the hospital as well, but after that he had to go back to work unfortunately. He still called Stiles every night, just to check in with him and hear his voice. This made them both feel less alone. Derek stayed with Stiles everyday, he had nowhere else to go anyway. Most of the time they didn't need to talk, they just read their books in silent next to each other. But it was never awkward or strange, they just enjoyed each others company. Sometimes they went up to the roof and layed down in the sun or went for walks around the hospital. Stiles still had some cough attacks, but they weren'tt as severe as before the surgery. He had to get used to the weird feeling of not being able to breathe that deeply anymore, when he wasn't wearing the cannula though. But other than that nothing stopped him from being the sarcastic kid he was. One day the whole pack came over as well. Stiles and Derek could hear their chatter from the hallway long before they entered the room.

 

“Hey Stiles!”, Lydia said and dropped onto the bed. Allison and Scott joined them and made sure to not sit on any tubes. It took them a while to get used to the situation and after some time they finally stopped shooting worried looks at Stiles, whenever they thought he wasn't looking. It was worse for Scott, since he knew Stiles basically his whole life and couldn't bear the fact that there was nothing he could do. But Stiles always told him, that just being here or calling made everything so much better and that made Scott feel better as well. Soon they were all chattering and laughing about anything but hospitals and cancer. Derek sat next to the window and continued reading his book. He enjoyed the sound of their laughter in the background.

 

“So guys, how is school?”, Stiles asked them.

 

“Same old”, Scott groaned.

 

“To be honest, classes are quite boring without your constant sarcasm”, Allison laughed.

 

“Obviously!”, Stiles returned and laughed as well.

 

They continued talking about school and lacrosse all afternoon and Stiles was so grateful for them. He actually started to miss school, which was weird. He missed going to class with his best friends and sitting at lunch together. He missed playing lacrosse, even if it just involved him sitting on the bench. He just missed being a normal teenager without doctor's appointments and cancer talks.

 

After a few days the chest tube could finally be removed. It hurt like hell, because all the skin around it had started to heal and now it was being ripped open again. They reduced his morphine dosage as well, because they didn't want him to get addicted. Stiles knew that it was right, but now the pain was always there, like a dull ache flowing through his whole body, driving him crazy. He got jumpy and it was easier to irritant him. He told his dad and Derek that he was fine, but it was getting harder and harder to fall asleep every night. Stiles could lie to his dad, but Derek sensed his pain and got mad at him for lying about it. One day it got too much for Derek. When he walked in the room and asked Stiles how he was, he was greated with the same response as always.

 

“I am fine”, Stiles said and smiled.

 

“Cut the crap”, Derek suddenly said and he looked like he tried really hard not to yell.

 

“I am! What has gotten into you?”, Stiles asked more loudly. He was confused as to why Derek was acting like this.

 

“I am so fed up with you just denying everything, we just want to help you! And you are clearly not fine!”

 

“I am sorry Derek, but I don't want you to worry!”, Stiles said loudly.

 

“Well this is kinda my job!”

 

“Derek I am fine! There is nothing you can do anyways! Stop being worried all the time! I am not a little kid!”, Stiles shouted.

 

“I care about you so much so of course I am worried, don't you get it!?”, Derek was now shouting as well.

 

Derek just stared at him angrily. Then he took a deep breath ran his hands across his face.

 

“Look, I don't want to fight. I am just worried about you. We all are”, Derek said apologetically and sat down on the bed. Stiles sighed as well and slumped back into the pillows.

 

“I know, I am sorry”, Stiles said quietly, “I just hate all this, I just want it to be over.”

 

Derek got onto the bed and pulled Stiles into a close embrace. Stiles snuggled closer.

 

“This is soon going to be over. You are going to have chemotheraphy and after that we get out of this place”, Derek said softly.

 

“And then we are having another fun day, alright?”, he added with a small smile on his lips.

 

Stiles chuckled.

 

“That sounds awesome.”

 


	6. Chemotherapy and END OF PART 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you guys the next chapter would come sooner :D  
> Okay so about this chapter... This marks the END OF PART 1. I always had two ways of how the story would end in my head and wanted to write both of them, because I couldn't decide. If you don't like death fics, then don't read any further, this here is the HAPPY ENDING, after that things will get worse... Since I have two endings, I won't update the tags with "major character death", because this story can be read both ways.
> 
> Again, I have never experienced chemotherapy and don't mean to depict it wrongly. If I wrote something in a wrong way, please tell me.

After Stiles got to rest for about a week, Dr. Adams told him that chemotheraphy would start on Monday. His dad couldn't make it, but as always Derek was there. He came by at 11am as usual, close before the chemotheraphy would start. He wanted to wait in Stiles' room, not wanting to bother him while he was having the session. Stiles was tense this morning, but warmed up after a while. Just before the session was about to start he got quiet again. Derek could almost hear the gears turning inside Stiles' head and wanted nothing more than to protect him from all of this.

 

“Hey, you are going to be fine, alright? I won't let anything happen to you”, Derek said and put a hand on Stiles' knee. Stiles looked up and smiled.

 

“I know.”

 

Derek smiled back and they sat in silence for a while.

 

“Will you come with me? I don't wanna go alone”, Stiles then said and looked at Derek again. Derek was taken aback by that question. Normally Stiles never showed any weakness to anyone and always made sure, that nobody knew how he was feeling. But Derek and him always had a special bond. Seeing each other at their worst kinda made their bond stronger. Both felt guilty because of their actions in the past. Stiles still dreamt about the days when he was under the spell of the nogitsune and often woke up screaming and crying. Derek always saw his family's faces whenever he closed his eyes and saw them burn again. Having these nightmares kinda connected them and they felt comfortable and safe around each other.

 

“Of course. I will be there the whole time, if you want that.”

 

“Yeah, that would be great”, Stiles smiled. Through the door he saw the nurse approaching his room with a wheelchair in front of her. She entered the room.

 

“Good morning Mr. Stilinski, are you ready for your session?”, she asked friendly.

 

“Yeah, but I can still walk”, Stiles laughed.

 

“I know, this is for after the treatment”, the nurse said nicely, but the phrase had another effect on both of them. It showed them again how horrible this disease was and both their stomachs turned and twisted.

 

The room got dead quiet and Stiles sat down into the wheelchair. The nurse wheeled him outside and Derek followed them. The treatment room was at the opposite end of the floor. About five streatchers were standing in the room, each one with a small table next to it. The room looked quite nice, there was a big window front at the right and the left, one of them leading outside and the other one leading to the main hall.

 

“Please take a seat Mr. Stilinski. I will prepare everything and be right back.”

 

“Thank you. Oh and you can call me 'Stiles' by the way”, he said with a smile and the nurse smiled back.

 

“I'm Erica.”

 

She left the room and they were alone again.

 

“Well this is it”, Stiles said and smiled up to Derek, “I am glad that you are here with me.”

 

Derek forced a smile on his face. “Yeah me too.”

 

Stiles was still looking at him and his eyes were beautiful and full of hope. Derek moved closer and took his face in his hands. “I love you so much”, he said and kissed Stiles longingly and deeply.

 

“I know”, Stiles said and Derek chuckled, because he remembered that Stiles loved that scene in The Empire Strikes Back. After they had watched it he pleaded Derek to always respond like that whenever they said their confessions.

 

Erica came back and had an IV infusion set in her hands. She connected it to the stand next to Stiles with a few experienced movements.

 

“Okay, are you ready?”, she asked Stiles.

 

“Yeah”, he said, but his voice quivered a bit. The nurse took the end of the hose and pushed it into Stiles' skin.

 

“You will feel worse with every passing minute, but remember, that this needs to be done in order to fight against the tumor, alright?”, Stiles nodded anxiously, “here is a blanket and over there on the small table are some trays for you to puke in.”

 

It sounded like she did this talk a few times already. What Stiles scared was that she said 'for you to puke it' not 'if you need to puke'. They were actually poisoning his body right now. He was getting more and more anxious and his heart rate began to speed up. But then felt Derek's hand on his arm to steady him.

 

“Okay, thank you”, Stiles said more steadily and leaned back. Erica opened the switch at the bottom of the bag and the content was now slowly dripping into Stiles' system.

 

“I will check on you every 15 minutes to half an hour, but if there is anything, please let your friend know, so that he can alarm me, alright?”

 

“I will tell you if anything happens”, Derek said and squeezed Stiles' arm. He could already smell the change in Stiles' scent and hated it. Erica nodded and went outside. Stiles wanted to say something, but then he felt a change in his body. His heart started to race again and a thin film of sweat was forming on his skin. His body was already fighting.

 

“Hey, hey, it's okay”, Derek knew that he might as well could quote the bible right now, since these words weren't really helping Stiles at the moment. Stiles was panting and his stomach twisted. Derek got the tray just in time for Stiles to see his breakfast again.

 

“Oh god”, Stiles breathed and curled in on himself. He didn't expect it to go so bad so soon. But it actually felt like his insides were burning. It broke Derek's heart to see him like that and the IV was still full. Derek fastened the grip on Stiles' arm and took some of Stiles' pain. The pain hit him like a truck and almost made him fall off the chair, because he hadn't expected that.

 

“No, stop”, Stiles panted, “this will only hurt you...it doesn't do anything...the pain is just gonna come back.”

 

“Just please let me help Stiles!”, Derek pleaded and fastened the grip again.

 

“No”, Stiles just breathed, “I don't want to hurt you.”

 

Derek thought about just ignoring Stiles and taking his pain anyway, but he knew how much it bothered Stiles to be the reason for somebody elses pain.

 

“Please”, he whispered again and looked Derek in the eyes, “it will just make you feel worse and I don't want that.”

 

It hurt Derek to agree with Stiles. He knew, that there was no point on draining his own battery right now when Stiles would need him after the treatment. So he loosened his grip and tried to catch his breath again. He then moved to stroke the hair out of Stiles' face and mumble reassuring words to him. He felt so useless and didn't know what to do.

 

“What do you want me to do?”, Derek whispered and his voice almost broke.

 

Stiles' face was distorted into a mask of pain.

 

“Can you tell me something?”, he panted, “anything?”

 

And then Derek just talked about the days when his whole family was having parties in the garden. He told Stiles about his favourite ice cream flavour, which was strawberry, and how they used to make it at home. Derek continued to talk about the day when he got into a fight with his mum and ran away from home. And how when he came back, he was scared that his mum would still be mad at him. But all she did was give him a big hug and told him, that it was okay. All this talk made Derek miss his family even more, but it also was soothing to talk about these memories without feeling the huge wave of guilt and pain wash over him. He still felt guilty about their deaths, but it wasn't overwhelming him anymore and for that he was grateful.

 

After a while Stiles started shivering and his lips were loosing all their colour. It scared Derek so much, that he called Erica after she had just walked out to check on him again. But this was just another symptom of enduring the chemotheraphy, she told him with a sad smile on her face. The IV was dropping so slowly, it made Derek more and more anxious and almost furious. He hated this disease so much! But there was nothing he could do now except hope for it to be over soon. So he continued to tell Stiles his favourite memories from when he was a little boy.

 

Derek tried wrapping Stiles up in the blanket the best way he could, but he was still shivering. So Derek moved to sit on the stretcher with one leg still on the floor and embraced Stiles from behind. He tried transferring his warmth to Stiles, because there had to be something he could to. It didn't really help though. Stiles didn't make any sounds apart from an occasional chatter of his teeth. He had his eyes closed the whole time and a constant wrinkle on his forehead from all the pain. But he was incredibly grateful for Derek to be there. The chemotheraphy was making his mind fuzzy and everything hurt, but through the pain he could hear Derek's reassuring voice and it helped taking his mind off it. He relived the memories with Derek and the pain wasn't that prominent anymore. Parts of it was because Derek kept drawing small bits of it, just enough so that Stiles wouldn't notice. He didn't want to make Stiles angry or to do this behind his back, but there was no way, that Derek would just sit there and watch him being in pain.

 

Erica came in a few more times and shot Derek a smile when she saw him closely hugging Stiles from behind. She checked Stiles' pulse everytime and talked quietly to Derek. He always had concerns and told her what he noticed between the last time she was here and this time. But Erica told him that these apparently were the symptoms he had to get used to. Stiles never said anything. He didn't even really notice when Erica took his hand to check the pulse, he was just focused on Derek's voice and tried to block everything else out.

 

The session finally ended after an hour and Stiles was disconnected from the IV bag. Right now he was barely even awake and cold as ice. It scared the hell out of Derek, but he kept reminding himself of the things Erica always had said. This was just how chemotheraphy affected people. Erica also said, that the first chemotheraphy was always the worst. The symptoms would always be the same, but after a while Stiles would feel better, because he would know beforehand what to expect from the session. So he could prepare for it in a way.

 

“He will stay here for as long as he needs, just to get his blood circulation back up”, she said and continued disassembling everything and throwing the trash away.

 

“Thank you”, Derek whispered. He was still holding Stiles and kept stroking up and down his arm. Stiles looked horrible and smelled like death. The wolf inside of Derek was going wild. He had to remind himself, that Stiles was alive. He was alive. Derek put his head back onto Stiles' head, continued humming a melody and draining a little of his pain. After a while Stiles started to move.

 

“Is it over?”, he asked and his voice was barely a whisper.

 

“Yeah”, Derek breathed, “you did it.”

 

Stiles answered with a happy sigh and settled closer into Derek's chest. Derek could feel him slowly getting warmer and his heart rate was finally returning to a normal pace.

 

“You wanna get back to your room and into your bed, so that you can sleep?”, he asked quietly.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Derek looked around, but didn't see Erica. So he untangled their bodies, which resulted in disapproving groans from Stiles, and was just about to move outside to look for her, when she came back inside.

 

“Does he want to go back to his room?”, she asked Derek and he nodded. Erica gave him the wheelchair and Derek lifted Stiles' up to place him inside. Stiles' head was falling back and forth and his hands were gripping the chair so fiercly, his knuckles turned white.

 

“It's okay Stiles, I've got you”, Derek said and put a steadying hand on his shoulder. The nurse began wheeling him outside and back into his room, while Derek kept holding Stiles. Stiles didn't recall much about the way back to his room, just the warmth of Derek's hand.

 

They arrived at his room and Derek layed Stiles back into bed and pulled the covers up to his nose. Stiles was getting warmer, but still, Derek couldn't help it. Erica excused herself and said, that Stiles would probably sleep until the evening, but it was nothing to be worried about. His body needed to heal himself now and to start fighting the cancer again. Derek thanked her and she closed the door. Derek finally allowed himself to breathe and walked up to the window. He looked outside and thought how great it would be if he could get Stiles out of here right now to see the sun. Or take him to the beach. But right now the first priority was to get him healthy again.

 

“Derek?”, Stiles soft voice came from the bed and he slowly opened his eyes, “where are you?”

 

Derek hurried to the bed and stroke Stiles' face. “Hey, I am right here.”

 

“Love you”, Stiles mumbled and this time it was Derek's turn to say it.

 

“I know”, he said and Stiles huffed a laugh. He moved to one side of the bed and opened the covers for Derek to climb inside. As soon as he was next to Stiles they tangled their bodies together again and Stiles felt at peace. He hummed happily and mumbled something Derek couldn't make out. Derek started taking his pain, but only a little, to help him sleep.

 

Noah was coming by later that afternoon after work. He hated it, that he couldn't be there for Stiles all the time, but he also had to earn money to pay the bills. Noah was more than happy to know, that Derek and the others would always be there for Stiles. When he entered the room, he saw them both laying in bed sleeping. He closed the door again and Derek's eyes opened.

 

“Hey, how did it go?”, the sheriff asked quietly.

 

“It went alright, I guess. I was freaking out more than him”, Derek chuckled and yawned. Noah smiled.

 

“You wanna take my place?”, Derek asked him.

 

“No, it's fine. I don't want to wake him up”, he said quietly and moved the chair closer to the bed to hold Stiles' hand. He looked peaceful in his sleep and was snoring softly. Noah and Derek continued talking in hushed voices until Erica came in again to check on him. Everything was alright and she left after talking to the sheriff and getting him up to date with everything that had happened. Noah actually started to feel hopeful. Maybe Stiles was going to make it. Maybe this would all be over soon. He held onto that thought when he returned to Stiles' room and held his son's hand.

 

Derek and Noah made sure to be with Stiles at all times, but Noah still needed the money, so he had to go to work but came back whenever he could. Derek didn't have a job or anything else and even if he had, he would bail on it, just to be here with Stiles. They often spend their day playing games or watching movies on Stiles' laptop. Stiles was the same old witty kid and soon all the nurses at the station loved him. He would crack jokes with them or play games like “never have I ever”, while waiting for his vitals to be checked. His room was a constant source of happiness and laughter, because that's just how he was. Stiles wouldn't let this stupid cancer break him! One thing he definitely didn't get used to though were the effects of the chemotheraphy on his body. There were often days, when he couldn't get out of bed, because he was so tired and all his muscles were aching. On these days Derek tried cheering him up, but sometimes Stiles just said 'not today' and the room was filled with silence. Derek knew, that Stiles didn't mean to sound rude, but seeing him like that wasn't easy. Whenever visiting hours were over and Derek drove home he had to stop at some point, because he couldn't stop crying. It just wasn't fair.

 

After two chemotheraphy sessions Stiles began loosing his hair. Derek was with him at almost all sessions, sometimes he had to leave because some supernatural shit was happening. But most of the time he stayed with Stiles and told him more stories about him. When he stroke his hair that day he suddenly had a bundle of it in his hands. He looked at it in shock and Stiles looked up as well, since Derek stopped talking abruptly.

 

“Oh”, Stiles just said. He didn't really care at this point. If loosing his hair was all it would take to fight this stupid thing, than that's how it was going to be. So after Derek left in the evening Stiles got up and went into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and almost didn't recognise the boy looking back at him. He looked tired and worn out. His cheeks had sunken in and his eyes almost lost all their sparkle. _Get yourself together Stiles!_ he told himself and grabbed the razor. When Derek came back in the morning, Stiles was his usual self and shot him a big smile, but all Derek could see was his bald head.

 

“Is it that horrible to look at?”, Stiles asked him after a few seconds of silence.

 

“No, no, that's not it”, Derek said and smiled once he sat on Stiles' bed, “I just have to get used to that.”

 

Stiles returned the smile.

 

“Now I almost look like Professor X from the X-Men!”, he laughed and made a funny face. That made Derek laugh as well and they got into a deep debate on who was the best X-Men. Erica came by a few hours later and took them to the chemotheraphy room. By then it was more routine and neither Stiles nor Derek were as anxious as at the beginning. It still worried and unsettled Derek to not being able to smell Stiles anymore, because of all the chemicals, but he just reminded himself of the fact, that this would get him healthy again in the end. After a while Stiles became quieter and quieter, until he just layed there with his eyes closed and his brows furrowed.

 

“You know what we can do?”, Derek asked.

 

“What?”, Stiles breathed.

 

“I am always the one telling stories, why aren't you the one for a change. It could help keeping your mind off the pain. You know, since then you are distracted with thinking about it.”

 

Stiles opened his eyes and looked at him.

 

“Sure, why not give it a shot”, he said and gave Derek a small smile. He then closed his eyes again and settled closer into Derek's embrace.

 

“Okay, here we go”, he said and began talking about his favourite day. It began with both of them laying in bed talking and cuddling. After that Stiles moved to explain all the different kinds of food they were going to make for breakfast. While he continued to talk about that Derek looked at him and was glad, that the pained expression on Stiles' forehead was completely gone.

 

After this session they did this more often. Sometimes it was Derek's turn to tell stories, but most of the time Stiles was talking for the whole session. It really seemed to work with his pain and he wasn't as groggy as on the earlier sessions. He was still tired and exhausted after each of them and slept for a few hours, but other than that this tactic actually seemed to work.

 

The pack often called over skype to chat with him in the evening. Stiles was so grateful for them all. Scott was always the one who couldn't really hide the fact, that he was absolutely terrified and scared. Stiles was more than happy, that he had Allison now. They were a great couple and supported each other no matter what. Lydia always brought him school stuff and then both of them studied in the afternoon. Sometimes they would just gossip and talk about boys, which was a nice distraction. But there was this sickening feeling in his stomach, that he was going to hurt them all if this didn't turn out to be a happy end. And the last thing he wanted to do was hurt them. The look on his father's face was full of pain and sorrow whenever he thought Stiles wasn't looking and Stiles wanted nothing more than to wipe that expression away. One day he woke up and the pain was excruciating. He felt dizzy from the moment he woke up and it didn't go away after breakfast. He called Erica and she gave him some painkillers. They didn't really help though, since the pain had already spread across his whole body, but at least it was dulled. It were days like these where Stiles wondered why he was doing this.

 

Derek came by at the usual time and greeted Stiles as he opened the door. But there was no response.

 

“Stiles?”, he asked and looked at him. Stiles was laying on his side, covers pulled to his ears and he was grunting in pain. Derek rushed over to him and put a hand on his shoulder to draw pain immediately.

 

“You know how I feel about that”, Stiles said between pressed lips and turned away from Derek.

 

“I have to do something!”, Derek almost shouted, “I can't just sit here and watch you...and watch you-”

 

“...die”, Stiles finished the sentence, “you can't just sit here and watch me die. And I don't want you to.”

 

Stiles turned around again and looked Derek in the eyes.

 

“Look, this is only gonna get worse at some point and I don't-”

 

“I know what you are going to say and you can stick that up your ass! I am not leaving. Neither of us are! You understand that?”, Derek said determingly and crawled into bed. Stiles resisted for a bit and then moved so that he was laying in Derek's arms.

 

“I don't want to hurt you”, he whispered and his voice sounded broken and weak, “I don't want to hurt any of you.”

 

“Well that's just how it is. We are all here for you and we are not leaving, alright? Not now not ever.”, Derek said and stroke Stiles' back.

 

“Okay”, Stiles said after a while. He felt horrible for doing this to them, but he was also selfish and wanted them to stay with him through all this. The times when he was alone after the visiting hours were over were the worst, because he was left alone with his own thoughts. Trying to sleep was almost impossible and 90% of the time he called Derek or the others to at least hear their voices through the phone. He felt guilty about that and wanted to seem strong and independent, but the voices in his head were driving him crazy. He had never been the kid who was fine with being by himself all the time. He didn't mind being alone in the morning, because these were always quite busy with appointments and talks with the nurses. It were times when everything was dark and quiet when he thought about the future he might not have.

 

They stayed in bed for an hour, neither one of them being sad about that. Derek got used to these mood swings. Sometimes Stiles was chatty and wanted to play games and watch movies, but sometimes he didn't say anything and just laid in bed staring into nothingness. Since Stiles had his last chemotherapy session yesterday, he had had sessions everyday for a week, today marked the first day of rest. This would take three weeks and after that a scan would be performed to check, if the cancer had spread or not. Derek had something planned for today, as a celebration for ending the chemotheraphy, but seeing Stiles like this made him rethink that plan. This last week had been painful and stressful and they would have three whole weeks to do something. And Derek actually didn't mind spending a whole day with Stiles just laying around. He felt Stiles' breaths coming out more even and figured, that he might have fallen asleep. Slowly he started draining his pain until the pained expression was gone and Stiles looked relaxed and peaceful.

 

The next three weeks were spent with nothing but fun. Stiles felt better with each day and his hair was slowly growing back. His dad took some days off work to spend it with Stiles instead. Noah looked relieved, when Stiles was feeling more himself again. He felt hopeful. Mostly they were playing games or walked around the hospital. After they realised, that Stiles hated being alone, they all made sure, that at least one of them was with Stiles everyday. Sometimes it was just Derek and on other days Noah spent the whole day with Stiles alone.

The hospital had a roof where one day the pack and Derek provided a picnic and brought all the good stuff like cake and cookies. While they were eating it Stiles kept ranting about the horrible hospital food and told funny stories about the nurses and doctors of the station. The sun was coming out that day and after they ate all the food, everyone just laid down on the warm asphalt and enjoyed the sun. Allison was laying in Scott's arms and after a while both of them were fast asleep. It looked absolutely adorable, because even in sleep they were bundled together like they were meant to be. Lydia was sunbathing and brought a book with her. It was some sort of alternative healing book for cancer patients. She was positive that with the right mindset, Stiles would be cancer free forever. Derek and Stiles just kept enjoying each others company. Stiles was wearing the nasal cannula for so long, both of them didn't notice it anymore. The oxygen tank was stashed into a backpack and laying next to them, so that it was easier for him to carry it around. Both had their eyes closed and felt the breeze on their skin. It was a wonderful day with no need of talking.

 

The three weeks went by rather quickly and by the end of it Stiles felt totally normal. He was wearing the nasal cannula 24/7 to get enough oxygen into his body, but other than that he felt strong and healthy again. At the end of the three weeks they performed a CT- and X-ray scan to see if the cancer had spread or not. Stiles and his dad went to see the doctor the next day to talk about the results.

 

“Well this is it”, Stiles said and looked over to his dad, who was trying not to freak out. They were both standing in front of Dr. Adam's office.

 

“Yeah, let's go”, Noah said and knocked on the door. He didn't want to waste any time anymore and just wanted this all to be over.

 

“Come in, please”, Dr. Adams called. Stiles and his dad entered the room and took a seat. It was quiet for some time, Dr. Adams was opening the right tabs on his computer.

 

“How are you feeling Stiles?”

 

“I am good. The pain has stopped and I am actally feeling pretty good.”

 

“I am glad”, Dr. Adams smiled, “I have some good news for you.”

 

“Okay...”, Stiles said carefully and was anxiously waiting for Dr. Adams to talk again.

 

“We performed some scans, if you remember, to check if the cancer had spread or not.”

 

“Yeah...”, Stiles said almost questioningly. His father was getting nervous and Stiles could see his hands trembling. He wanted nothing more than to take them into his own to stop it.

 

“Well I have the results right here and it seems, like the cancer is gone”, Dr. Adams looked genuinely happy for Stiles.

 

It was quiet for a second, both were trying to process the information. Noah cleared his throat. Stiles was confused, but then a huge smile was forming on his face.

 

“Are you sure?”, Noah asked.

 

“Dad, stop asking and start celebrating!”, Stiles laughed and ran around the desk to hug Dr. Adams, who was now laughing as well. The sight of that made Noah snap out of it and when Stiles returned to him, he pulled him into a close embrace. Stiles jumped around when they went outside the room and started calling Derek. The phone rang twice and then Derek's alarming voice answered the phone.

 

“Stiles, what's wrong, is everything okay?”

 

“Yes! Yes everything is awesome!”, Stiles laughed, “I did it! Derek, it is gone!”

 

The phone was silent for a while and there was nothing to hear except for Stiles' short breaths from all the jumping. Stiles could almost hear the gears in Derek's brain falling into place.

 

“It is really gone?”, he asked breathlessly.

 

“Yes! Now come over here or no actually wait! I am free to go, I'll come to you!”, Stiles couldn't stop laughing and his whole body was shaking with excitement. Derek didn't say anything, Stiles could just hear him laugh.

 

After that he wrote a message into the group chat of the pack.

 

_< I am back baby! Fuck cancer!>_

 

It didn't take more than 5 seconds and his phone was ringing. The caller ID said 'Scott' and Stiles happily answered the phone. He told Scott everything and could hear Scott jumping around as well. Scott was talking so fast it was hard to make any words out, but in the end both of them were just laughing on the phone, not believing, that the nightmare finally ended. After Stiles ended the phone call, he saw that Lydia and Allison tried to call him about 10 times. Stiles first called Lydia, then Allison and after all this talking his mouth was dry and his voice raspy. From all the walking and jumping around his lungs were protesting and his breaths came out uneven. He definitely had to take care of himself more than before. His father was standing at the window looking at him. Stiles looked back.

 

“Let's go home, dad”, he said and Noah smiled at him with tears shimmering in his eyes.

 

First they had to take everything out of his hospital room, but it wasn't much anyway, so they got it done quickly. Stiles then walked up to the nurse's office and said goodbye to Erica and the others. She hugged him tight and told him how proud she was of him. It was sad, that he was probably never going to see her again, but right now Stiles was just happy to have his life back.

 

As soon as they got home Stiles ran to his room, dropped all his stuff and then sprinted back outside and into his Jeep. He had missed his car so much. When he drove to the loft he had to catch his breath a bit. His lungs were still recovering. But it was so hard to not freak out and jump around when you just beat cancer! He stopped in front of the loft and already saw Derek standing at the window. When Derek saw Stiles pulling up he sprinted to the door. Stiles barely even exited his car when he heard Derek shout his name. Stiles turned around and saw him sprinting towards him. Stiles couldn't hide the huge grin on his face and ran towards Derek. They both met in the middle and Stiles jumped into Derek's arms. Derek embraced him closely and made sure to not damage the oxygen tank on Stiles' back. Derek spun him around and Stiles kept laughing. Finally Derek stopped and put him down again.

 

“Oh man, I have missed you so much!”, Derek said and pulled Stiles closer to him.

 

“Yeah tell me about it!”, Stiles laughed and then pulled Derek's face closer to kiss him.

 

“I have a surprise for you”, Derek said and and smiled mischeviously, “I am going to close your eyes, alright?”

 

“Uhh, I love surprises!”, Stiles said and let Derek led him up the stairs and into the loft.

 

“Well I didn't really have time to prepare everything”, Derek said apologetically and moved his hands from Stiles' eyes. But when Stiles opened them the whole pack was standing in front of him, all bubbling with excitement. In the background there were papers glued to the wall with 'Fuck cancer!' on it and somebody had ordered pizza.

 

“Welcome back!”, they all shouted and then ran towards him to embraced him.

 

They were all so happy they felt their heart almost exploding.

 

_I am back!_ Stiles thought.

 

_I am back._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, as a recap:
> 
> PART 1 is a happy ending and it ends here  
> PART 2 will start with the next chapter and it won't go well


	7. The Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty guys, the next chapter is here. Like I said, this will mark the beginning of part 2 and from now on everything will get worse and worse, so...brace yourselves I guess?  
> I also don't know how fast I can update, since I have a ton of work for university...

Stiles opened his eyes and was greated with Derek's relaxed and beautiful face. He was still asleep and looked peaceful. The worried expression which was always on his forehead finally gone. Stiles looked around and saw that he was laying in his own bed. The sun came through the curtains and Stiles thought that he was still dreaming. This all here was just too good to be true. But then he realised, that he was out of the hospital and that this was real life. He couldn't stop the grin forming on his face and the warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach. Stiles moved closer to Derek and put a kiss on his nose. A small smile was now forming on Derek's face as well.

 

“Morning”, he smiled with his eyes closed.

 

“Good morning”, Stiles said and moved into Derek's arms.

 

“I have missed this”, Stiles mumbled and closed his eyes again. There was a small chuckle from Derek and Stiles wanted to ask him about it, when suddenly Derek moved so fast, all Stiles could feel was a breeze and then there were lips on his.

 

“Mhm”, Stiles said surprised and then leaned into the kiss with his hands on Derek's face. They deepened the kiss and Derek put his hands next to Stiles and slowly laid on top of him. Derek moved his hands all over Stiles body while never breaking the kiss.

 

“I have missed _this_ ”, he then said and put a small kiss on Stiles' nose as well before rolling down from him. Stiles was out of breath and his mind was fuzzy.

 

“Woah, yeah I _definitely_ missed _that_!”, he then said breathlessly. Derek just laughed and pulled Stiles to his chest. They stayed like this for a while and fell asleep again. It was the best sleep they had in days. The next time Stiles opened his eyes the sun was shining from a different angle through the window. They must have really fallen asleep, which made sense since both of them were exhausted from the last weeks.

 

“I never thought I could have this”, Stiles mumbled more to himself. But Derek heard him.

 

“Have what?”

 

“ _This..._ Us....You”, Stiles silently added and was scared about what Derek would say to these big words. Derek moved, so that he could look into Stiles' eyes. He caressed his cheek and kissed him deeply.

 

“Me neither”, Derek returned quietly and Stiles was close to tears. He smiled back to Derek and both snuggled closer to each other and tangled their legs together.

 

“I am going to make breakfast alright?”, Derek said quietly after a while, “just stay here, I will bring it to you.”

 

Stiles happily mumbled something in return and snuggled closer into the blankets. He sighed happily and heard Derek open the fridge. He was humming a melody and Stiles' heart fluttered at the sound of that. Derek deserved so much more in his life and it was amazing to see him that happy. What was even more amazing was, that Derek was this happy being with  _him._ Stiles never thought, that he could have this, never thought he could have Derek. But he had given Derek everything and he had returned it ten times.

 

Derek returned to Stiles' room with a plate full of pancakes and bacon. He even roasted some hashbrowns and the smell was amazing. He even got orange juice and fresh coffee!

 

“I am going to keep you!”, Stiles laughed and sat up in bed. Derek chuckled and placed the tray down.

 

“Up for a movie?”, Derek asked and Stiles nodded. Derek opened the drawer and looked through the DVDs.

 

“Any preferences?”

 

“Something funny”, Stiles said with his mouth full and after Derek flipped through most of the DVDs he held up _Guardians of the Galaxy_.

 

“Perfect”, Stiles returned and grabbed another stripe of bacon. Derek grabbed the laptop from the desk and jumped back into bed. He started it and inserted the DVD. He then opened his arms and Stiles crawled inside with a pancake in his hand. They stayed like this for the entire movie, happily munching on the food.

 

After they finished Derek did the dishes while Stiles went to the bathroom. Derek had proposed to go to the beach and Stiles had happily agreed. He took a nice long shower and felt so happy and weightless. The person staring back at him from the mirrow looked healthy and it seemed like there was a constant smile on his face. He went back into his room and packed a bag while Derek got ready. Stiles went down to the kitchen and saw a picnic basket full of good stuff and smiled to himself. Derek reallly had thought about everything. Derek joined him at the front door and reached for his car keys.

 

“Don't even think about it, I am driving!”, Stiles said and grabbed his keys. Derek smiled and followed him outside and into the car. Stiles turned the engine on and a smile formed on is face.

 

“Ohhh baby, I have missed you!”

 

“Should I leave you two alone?”, Derek chuckled and Stiles punched him in the shoulder.

 

“OW!”, Derek said laughingly.

 

“Asshat”, Stiles laughed and pulled out of the driveway. The next beach was about 60km away and they got there in about an hour. Stiles had a CD from the Oldies in his radio and soon both of them were shouting the lyrics to _Simply the Best_ from the top of their lungs. When they arrived at the beach it wasn't as crowded as expected, which was a relief. Stiles shouldered his backpack with the oxygen tank inside and jumped out of the car. He took a deep breath and felt the sand between his toes and the sun on his face. It put a soft smile on his face.

 

“You coming?”, Derek asked and Stiles grabbed his hand.

 

“Let's go!”, Stiles smiled and they looked for a place to lay down. They found one close to the water and spread their towels onto the sand. When Stiles removed the shirt his scars were cleary visible. The shirt also got tangled up in his cannula and he ripped the whole apparatus from his face with a disapproving grunt. Derek didn't mean to stare and moved his gaze away quickly, but Stiles noticed it and his shoulders immediately hunched. He put the cannula back on and cleared his throat. He hated the way the scars were marking his body and wanted to put the shirt back over his head.

 

“Hey no, you don't need to hide them”, Derek said and took the shirt out of Stiles' hand. Stiles didn't look convinced. So Derek took Stiles' face in his hands and made him look at him.

 

“You are beautiful”, he emphasized every word, “you survived cancer! That is incredible, you should be proud of yourself.”

 

Stiles sighed and then smiled. He kissed Derek and then said “okay” before jumping up. He knew, that he should be proud, that he got away with just a few scars, but he still felt insecure about them. _But not today_ he told himself and put a smile on his face.

 

“So, who is ready for a dip? Well at least to the hips”, he laughed.

 

“I am!”, Derek said and jumped up as well.

 

“Whoever makes it there faster is granted a wish”, Stiles laughed and sprinted towards the waterline. Of course Derek was the first to arrive and jumped head first into the waves. Stiles stopped when he was knee deep in water and tried catching his breath. Derek breached the surface and the small water drops on his skin made it sparkle.

 

“Show-off!”, Stiles shouted and Derek just laughed. He dove back under and popped up close to Stiles. He then shook his head and the water was splashing all over Stiles' face.

 

“Hey!”, Stiles laughed and splashed back. Then Derek wrapped his hands around Stiles' hips and pulled him closer. Stiles put his hands around Derek's neck and played with his hair.

 

“So what about that wish?”, Derek said and chuckled.

 

“I don't know, it's your wish, what do you want?”

 

“Well I want to take advantage of it so I might need to think about it for a while”, Derek then smirked. Stiles smiled back and placed a small kiss on his lips.

 

“Stay with me...forever”, Stiles said quietly and Derek almost forgot to breathe.

 

“Are you...proposing to me?”, Derek chuckled.

 

“I think my dad would kill me if I got married that early!”, Stiles laughed, “I am just saying. I am really happy with you and super grateful, that you stayed through all this”, he added more seriously.

 

Derek had a genuine smile on his face and fastened the grip on Stiles' hips.

 

“Of couse I stayed”, he said softly, “I am going to be here for as long as you want.”

 

“And I wish...I wish that you want me to stay with you forever”, he added quietly.

 

“Forever sounds perfect”, Stiles chuckled and kissed him again.

 

The day at the beach was perfect as well. The weather was beautiful and both enjoyed each others company while reading their books and eating some snacks. At one point however Stiles got pissed that he couldn't do anything with this stupid backpack on his back! There were even some angry tears forming in his eyes, but they were gone before Derek could see them. Stiles didn't want him to worry, but he missed being normal. He looked at Derek who was swimming in the ocean and wanted nothing more than to be there with him. Derek saw him looking and waved at him. Stiles waved back and smiled. And then he made a decision. He took one last big breath and then removed the nasal cannula and the backpack. It felt weird and his heart started racing due to the adrenaline rush, but it was also a good feeling to feel normal again. Stiles got up and made his way to the beach with slow and cautious steps. Since they laid down close to the water it only took him a few steps to reach the ocean. When he arrived at the waterline nothing had happened yet and Stiles started to smile. Derek saw him coming up and swam towards him. He then noticed that something was different and saw, that Stiles didn't have his backpack. Derek started to panik.

 

“Stiles, what the-”, he started but then Stiles dove under and Derek's heart almost stopped. He was close to having a panik attack, but then Stiles resurfaced and laughed. Derek was just looking at him with his eyes and mouth open, unable to do anything. Stiles felt amazing! The water was refreshing and it felt so good. Then he noticed, that his lungs were slowly starting to hurt again. Luckily the towel wasn't far away from the waterline.

 

“Well, this had been fun, but I have to go back, so...”, he laughed and waved at Derek before making his way back to the shore. Derek still didn't move. He saw Stiles walking towards the towel and picking up his cannula. Stiles took a deep breath when he put it back on, the smile from earlier was still on his face. He laid down and took his book to continue reading like nothing happened.

 

“Uh...”, Derek said unbelieavably and looked around. Did Stiles really just walked up to the beach? Just like that? Derek couldn't believe it. He laughed. _I love this man!_ he thought to himself and then got out of the water as well.

 

As kind of a tradition they went to the cinema to watch another movie. _Avengers: Infinity War_ was finally out and both of them were super keen to watch it. Stiles insisted on paying for the tickets this time, after all this crap he wanted to do something nice for Derek at once. This left Derek with choosing the snacks and he sticked to popcorn. For him, popcorn always was a part of being at the cinema, nachos can also be bought in stores. But eating warm and sugary popcorn while sitting in these comfortable chairs was almost the best part of the whole experience. He met with Stiles near the stairs and both of them went up to the right room. Once they sat down they placed the popcorn in the middle and Stiles took a big handful of it.

 

“Man, I have missed this.”

 

“I think I have heard that sentence a few times already”, Derek chuckled and took a handful as well.

Stiles just looked at him happily and then threw popcorn in the air and tried to catch it. Most of it wasn't even close to hitting his mouth and it looked absolutely hilarious. Derek couldn't help but laugh.

 

“Stop laughing!”, Stiles laughed, “you try it!”

 

Derek just looked at him with a mischevious smile on his face, threw the popcorn in the air and caught it. He winked at Stiles.

 

“Stupid werewolf reflexes”, Stiles muttered under his breath.

 

The new trailers for different movies came on and they played their little game again. When the trailer for _Solo: A Star Wars Story_ came up both were quiet after the trailer ended, then looked at each other and said 'YES!' at the same time. Other than that nothing happened and both of them just enjoyed the movie. At some point during the movie Stiles laid his head on Derek's shoulder and Derek kissed his hair. There was of course a Stan Lee cameo and it made both of them laugh. The climax of the movie happened and Stiles sat there with his hands over his mouth and his eyes wide open. It looked incredibly cute and Derek hid the grin forming on his face. When the credits rolled most people stood up and walked outside.

 

“Pfft, amateurs”, Stiles chuckled and Derek agreed. There was always a postcredit scene in a Marvel movie! Always! How could people not know this? The lights were turning on after the scene was finished and both looked at each other.

 

“That. Was. Awesome!”

 

“Oh yeah totally! Did you see Spiderman's new suit? I want that for myself!”, Derek laughed while they put on their jackets and went outside.

 

The whole drive to Stiles' house was spent with them talking about their theories and the analysis of almost every scene. They arrived at the house and walked inside.

 

“You want something?”, Derek asked when he walked up to the fridge.

 

“Actually yeah”, Stiles said and walked up to him to place a long and deep kiss on Derek's lips. Derek was surprised at first but then eagerly returned the kiss. He picked Stiles up, so that his legs were wrapped around Derek's hips and walked to his bedroom. Once he closed the door Derek put Stiles back onto the floor, but didn't stop kissing him. His hands were roaming through Stiles' newly grown hair and Stiles moved his hands under Derek's shirt. Stiles kissed him slowly and provocative.

 

“How about we order some pizza and lay in bed all evening without moving?”, he said slowly.

 

The way Stiles was kissing him made Derek's heart race. There was so much love and passion behind it, that Derek thought this here was all happening in a dream. It felt too good to be true.

 

“Sounds good”, Derek said while slowly moving his hands under Stiles' shirt. Goosebumps were forming on Stiles' skin while Derek kept caressing it. While Stiles was kissing Derek he pushed him on the bed and got on top of him. The cannula was getting in the way and the backpack was sliding over his shoulder and almost slammed Derek in the head. With a grunting noise Stiles stopped kissing Derek and removed the backpack to put it next to the bed.

 

“That was so not sexy”, Stiles sighed.

 

Derek just sat up and took Stiles' head in his hands. He stroke his cheeks and kissed him.

 

“Don't worry about it”, he softly said and continued kissing Stiles. Stiles moved so that he sat in Derek's lap and wrapped his legs and arms around him.

 

“Mine”, he said and kissed him on his nose.

 

“Yup”, Derek answered and a dopey grin was forming on both their faces. He then playfully bit Stiles in the neck and Stiles laughed. It was the most beautiful thing Derek has heard in long time.

 

Stiles was grateful for them all, but the thing he actually missed while he was at the hospital was doing a thing for himself. He still hated being alone at night when everything was quiet, but walking outside when the sun was out calmed his mind. He always loved just talking walks through the park when the weather was as beautiful as today. So he got his phone and headphones and went outside. It was a wonderful sunny day and Stiles enjoyed the sun on his face. He went to the park and sat down on a bench just watching people passing by. Stiles closed his eyes and relaxed.

 

He then walked up to his favourite bookstore and enjoyed the smell of fresh pages. He decided to buy the second book from the _Something like_ series, because he really enjoyed the first one. After buying the book he walked up to the café, grabbed a coffee and a muffin and sat down next to the fountain. He opened the book and started reading and completely forgot the time. When he looked up again the sun was just barely shining through the trees, indicating that it must be around 5pm. Stiles got up, stretched and then made his way back to his house while listening to more music. He felt weightless and carefree when he arrived.

 

Everything was going fine for about three weeks. Then one night Stiles suddenly shot up from the bed screaming out of his lungs. Derek was torn from sleep and shot up as well. For a second he was comletely confused and didn't know where he was. Stiles' screams were full of agony and pain and it scared the hell out of Derek. He didn't know what to do. _Breathe, Derek, just breathe!_ Stiles kept clutching his chest and screaming with tears streaming down his face. Derek's ears were ringing, the screams were everywhere. He forced himself to calm down and quickly made a list inside his head: _pack a bag, grab Stiles,_ _call 911,_ _get to the hospital, call the sheriff_. Then Derek jumped out of the bed and grabbed random clothes and shoved them into a bag.

 

“Stiles, shhh, Stiles, it's okay, it's okay!”, Derek tried soothing him down, while he continued packing and searched for his car keys. Stiles' screams got quieter and more desperate and he sucked in raspy breaths in between them. It broke Derek's heart. Finally he had everything together and sprinted to the other side of the bed to scoop Stiles up into his arms. Stiles didn't feel anything but pain in his chest. He tried focussing on something else like Derek's voice, but it felt like his lungs were on fire. It hurt so bad, Stiles felt completely hopeless and trapped in his own body.

 

“I've got you Stiles, I've got you”, Derek's voice trembled while he sprinted outside. He almost ripped the door out of the car and placed Stiles onto the passenger's seat. He was now whimpering and his whole face was wet from all the tears. He was still wearing his Star Wars pyjama and the sight of it reminded Derek of happier days. Derek focussed back on the situation and ran around the car to get inside himself.

 

“Everything is okay, Stiles, shh....it's going to be fine”, Derek kept saying things just to keep himself from freaking out. Once he got the motor started he called the hospital to announce themselves so that they could prepare everything in order to treat Stiles better and faster. After that he called the sheriff, who was currently at the station. He picked up after the phone rang once.

 

“Derek, what-”, he started but then heard Stiles panting and whimpering in the background.

 

“What the-”, he started again, now louder, but Derek interrupted him.

 

“We are on our way to the hospital. Stiles had some kind of reaction of whatever...I...I don't know...I don't know! But we are on our way now!”, Derek almost screamed at the phone. His knuckles were white because he was gripping the steering wheel so fiercly. His gaze wandered to Stiles every 5 seconds, but his condition didn't change. He had his legs up to his chest and his brows were furrowed. At least the screams were gone, now he just sucked in air and whimpered.

 

“Uhm, okay, I'll be right there”, Noah's voice trembled and the phonecall ended.

 

“Stiles, are you still with me?? You are going to be fine, alright!?”, Derek said and his voice broke. His vision was blurry from all the tears and he tried to fight back sobs. He put his hand on Stiles' knee and started drawing pain. It hurt like hell and Derek felt like his veins were burning.

 

“Jesus”, he muttered under his breath, but fastened the grip to draw even more pain.

 

“Stiles, just focus on my voice, alright?”, he said between pressed lips and Stiles actually heard him this time and put his hand over Derek's and gripped it tightly. Derek had to hold back tears. He looked over to Stiles whose breaths went shallow and fast and he had his eyes squeezed shut.

 

“I've got you, I've got you”, Derek said soothingly, “I love you Stiles, you are going to be fine.”

 

They finally arrived at the hospital and Derek jumped out of the car and ran to the passenger's door.

 

“Help! I need help!”, he screamed and luckily there were already paramedics waiting for him at the entrance to the emergency. Stiles was still trying to get his breathing under control and all his muscles were tense. His face was distorted into a mask of pain and he looked horrible. Derek scooped him up and placed him on the stretcher. They immediately wheeled him inside and Derek tried to keep up with them, but was stopped by nurses when he wanted to follow them through the doors to the intensive care unit.

 

“Sir, you can't go in there”, she said firm but friendly and Derek tried to calm himself. He ran his fingers through his hair and sat down on one of the chairs. He forced himself to take a few deep breaths and then called Scott. It rang twice and then Scott picked up. Derek heard him putting him on speaker.

 

“Derek? What is wrong?”, Scott's voice was sleepy and Derek heard Allison switch on the lights and yawn.

 

“It...it's Stiles”, he sobbed and put his hands over his mouth. He couldn't stop it anymore. The other end of the line was silent. He cleared his throat and talked again.

 

“He just shot up from the bed screaming and crying and I didn't know what to do...I just-”

 

“What happened!?”, Scott and Allison both asked at the same time.

 

“I don't...I don't know...but we are at the hospital and...”, Derek's voice broke.

 

“We will be right there! Did you call Lydia already?”, Scott panted.

 

“No, I...I-”, Derek couldn't talk anymore, the sobs were rocking his whole body. He saw the sheriff bursting through the doors.

 

“It's okay Derek, just be there with him, we will call her”, Allison said and Derek could hear them both running outside to the car.

 

“What about his dad?”

 

“He is right here”, Derek cried and then Noah ran up to him. He looked devastated and absolutely crushed.

 

“Okay, we are on our way!”, Scott tried to keep calm, but Derek could sense that he was about to break as well. Derek ended the phonecall and looked at the sheriff. He just looked back and gave him a fierce hug.

 

“You did good, Derek. You did good”, Noah kept mumbling when he rubbed Derek's back. They both stayed like this for a while. Derek cleared his throat and broke the hug. He wiped the tears away and took a deep breath.

 

“Just tell me that he is alright”, he whispered to the sheriff and he nodded in return. Noah hugged him once more and then vanished through the doors.

 

Noah came back after a few minutes and told Derek the current status. Stiles had a severe case of fluid in his lungs which resulted in immense pain in the chest area. Now he was in intensive care...again...but he was alive, so that was at least something positive. The pack came by after about twenty minutes and everybody was close to tears. Noah explained everything to them as well and now they were all waiting in front of Dr. Adam's office to wait for the results. They had performed a scan immediately after they had admitted Stiles to the hospital, to see what had been the cause of that reaction. Noah was pacing back and forth, unable to rest. Derek was just unbelieavably tired and crushed and sat there in silence. They were all lost in thought, nobody quite realising, that the happy times were over. Finally Dr. Adams opened the door and everybody's head shot up.

 

“Please come inside”, he said and his face was unreadable.

 

All of them shuffled inside and Lydia closed the door. She knew, what the doctor would have to say. This feeling in her stomach wasn't a new one. The silence in the room was crushing.

 

“I have the results right here”, Dr. Adams said and everybody was looking at him.

 

“How bad is it?”, Noah whispered.

 

Dr. Adams opened his mouth and then closed it again. It seemed like he was looking for the right words.

 

“Please just tell us”, Scott pleaded. Dr. Adams took a deep breath.

 

“I am very sorry to say that...but...the cancer has spread”, he finally said what everybody else was already thinking and the walls came tumbling down. Noah broke down crying and held onto Derek who sank to the floor as well. Derek was frozen in place and couldn't believe what he had just heard. Allison was in Scott's arms with her face hidden in his neck. Scott was just looking into nothingness. Lydia had her hands over her mouth and her whole body hurt. She knew that this wasn't a good sign.

 


	8. The Second Treatment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so sad, it took me a while to find the right words... I still hope you like it and forgive me for writing stuff like that ♥

Stiles woke up and everything was blurry and unfocused around him. _Why?_ he asked himself. _I can't do this anymore._ He closed his eyes again and contemplated falling back asleep. But he felt his dad's hand in his and so he tried a second time to open his eyes and this time he could make out his surroundings. He saw his dad sitting next to him, looking out of the window, and squeezed his hand. Noah's head immediately shot around and he looked at Stiles with a worried expression.

 

“Hey”, he whispered, “hey, you are okay.”

 

Stiles just nodded, too exhausted to do anything else. He furrowed his brows and looked at his dad, who seemed to understand what he wanted to say.

 

“You had a severe case of fluid in your lungs, but now they got everything out. The tube at your side is just for the remaining drainage, but it should be removed soon. Derek brought you here, he is outside.”

 

Stiles smiled and closed his eyes again. He just wanted to go back to sleep. But the thought of Derek being here with him made him so happy and grateful.

 

“It's alright Stiles, I am gonna stay right here, get some rest”, Noah stroke Stiles' hair and smiled as well. It didn't take long and Stiles was asleep again. Noah laid back in the chair and sighed. _I am getting too old for this_ he thought to himself and ran his fingers through his hair. He then pushed the button next to Stiles' bed to inform the nurses that he woke up.

 

After the first shock was over and Stiles got to rest a bit he was moved to another room. He still felt dead tired and everything just hurt. They gave him painkillers, but the pain didn't seem to go away. It was everywhere. Crawling up his legs, reaching his chest and moving further into his head. He just wanted everything to stop. Derek and the pack couldn't make it this time, because there had been another weird smell going around the preserve, so they had to leave almost right before they moved Stiles out of the intensive care. They all hated themselves for it, because they wanted to be there for him. Noah stayed with him the whole time and watched the nurses put up the equipment.

 

“Okay, Stiles, you know the drill”, Dr. Adams said with a sad smile on his face and opened the folder in his hands. Stiles returned the smile sleepily.

 

“This here is your lung and these things are the cancer”, he pointed at several knots of tissue, “there are more than before, so this surgery will remove even more parts of your lung. But don't worry, they will still keep their function.”

 

“But there are so many knots...”, Noah couldn't finish the sentence.

 

“I know sheriff, but trust me, we will to everything we can in order to get your son healthy again.”

 

“Dad, it's going to be fine”, Stiles said sleepily and squeezed his dad's hand. Noah looked at him and swallowed. Stiles was weirdly calm, but Noah blamed this on the pain meds. What he didn't know was that Stiles didn't really care anymore. There was nothing he could do anyway, he just had to endure everything again and again and again. And that made him tired. He was just so tired of fighting all the time. Noah nodded and focused back on the doctor.

 

“Okay and this surgery is planned soon? What about chemotheraphy? Are there new sessions planned as well?”, Noah tried to keep calm.

 

“Yes, the surgery is planned in two to three days, depending on his recovery, and after that the procedure will be similar. After about a week, again depending on the recovery, new chemotheraphy session will start in order to minimize the cancer even more.”

 

“Is he even strong enough for that?”, the worry was written all over Noah's forehead.

 

“Dad, I am still here. I can hear you”, Stiles said with a small smile, but Noah didn't even shoot him a glance.

 

“I can understand your concern sheriff. We will give Stiles all the supplements and support he needs in order to fight against the cancer.”

 

“Okay”, Noah was still worried, but he had to trust them now.

 

Noah stayed with Stiles for the rest of the day. Stiles fell asleep soon after the doctor left and didn't wake up for the entire day. It was soon time for Noah to leave him and this time it felt like his heart ripped in half. He gave Stiles a kiss on the forehead and tried holding back his tears. When he drove home he didn't recall much, he just stared in front of him for the whole ride. He arrived at the house and sat in his car for he didn't know how long. At some point he sighed and got out of the car and into the house. He moved to the kitchen and opened the cabinet where he stored his whiskey. Noah knew how much Stiles hated him for drinking, but he needed it now. He poured himself a drink and sat in front of the TV. He randomly switched through the channels, but didn't find anything worth watching. The whiskey made him feel warm and he laid down on the couch. The sounds of the TV became quieter with time and he fell asleep with the thought of his wife in his head.

 

Stiles recovery went fast and after two days the next surgery was planned. When the sheriff came by in the morning he could already tell, that Stiles was different. He didn't greet him with a sarcastic comment or a catchphrase. He just returned the “good morning” and smiled, but Noah could see through that mask.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

Stiles sighed.

 

“Everybody is asking me that lately”, he said and rolled his eyes, “how would you think _you_ would feel with having a freaking tumor inside of you?”

 

He didn't say it in a mean and angry way, he just sounded tired.

 

“We are just worried about you”, Noah said quietly and sat down on the bed.

 

“I know”, Stiles sighed and smiled. He didn't mean to sound grumpy or anything, but all these questions about him being fine or not were starting to bother him.

 

Dr. Adams came by and explained the surgery again. This time they were almost removing half of his lung, but at this point Stiles didn't really care anymore. He just wanted it to be over. He saw Derek and the pack coming from the hallway and couldn't hide the smile.

 

“Hey guys”, he said to them and they all hugged him.

 

“We just wanted to wish you good luck”, Lydia said.

 

“Thanks guys, I really appreciate it”, Stiles said with a genuine smile.

 

“Are you ready Stiles?”, Dr. Adams said.

 

“Almost”, he said and all of them were looking at him with a confused expression.

 

“I just need to kiss my boyfriend”, Stiles said with a smile and looked at Derek, who started blushing. Derek smiled softly and looked to the floor before walking up to Stiles. Stiles stretched his arms out and opend and closed his hands in a grabbing motion. When Derek was close enough Stiles grabbed his face and placed a long kiss on his lips. It was so long that he heard Scott clear his throat and his dad chuckle. Stiles broke the kiss and looked at Derek. He was still blushing and now had a dopey grin on his face.

 

“ _Now_ I am ready”, Stiles said with a smile.

 

“Okay then”, Dr. Adams laughed and they wheeled him outside. Stiles' smile faded and he laid back. He didn't want to sound pessimistic, but he saw his X-rays and the look on the doctor's face. Maybe this story wouldn't have a happy end. They wheeled him inside the operating room and placed him onto the right stretcher. The anaesthesist was already waiting with the whole team preparing everything around her. After a while she approached Stiles.

 

“Okay, Stiles, ready to fight this bitch again?”

 

“So ready”, Stiles forced a smile.

 

“Okay, you know how it works. Could you please count from ten down for me?”

 

“10, 9, 8...7...6...”, and he was gone. He opened his eyes and found himself in a meadow. The last time he was having surgery he had a dream about walking at the beach, so at least this one was different. He already saw his favourite people in the whole world waiting for him, sitting on a blanket with food around them. His dad, Scott, Allison, Derek, Lydia...and his mum. Just like the last time. A wide grin spread over his face when he ran over to them.

 

The surgery went well and Stiles was being wheeled back into the room. Dr. Adams told them how it went and that they got most of the tumor out. Now it was up to Stiles or rather the chemotheraphy to kill the rest of it.

 

Stiles woke up and everything hurt again. He hated it and closed his eyes to force himself back into unconciousness, back into his dream where they were all together and happy.  _What is the point?_ he asked himself, but sadly his body didn't led him escape back into his dreams. With a small sigh he opened his eyes for the second time. Everything just hurt so bad.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

He heard Derek's voice from far away and thought about just going back to sleep where there was no pain. Maybe if he just tried harder it might work. But then he felt a hand on his cheek and opened his eyes again.

 

“Hey”, Derek said, “you are in pain.”

 

“Yeah”, Stiles just answered and closed his eyes. Derek started taking it and was surprised, when Stiles didn't say anything against it. It was a lot and he tried his best to drain most of it. Then Stiles felt different hands on him and figured it must be Scott, because the pain became even less and was now managable.

 

“Thank you”, Stiles mumbled and was greated with “of course” from both sides. And then finally sleep rolled over him and Stiles was free of any pain. When Stiles was awake for good he felt better. Not healthy, but better. He saw that everybody was still there.

 

“Guys you don't need to stay here all day”, he said sleepily.

 

“No, it's fine”, Lydia started, but then changed her tone, “or do you want us to leave?” and all eyes were on him.

 

“No, of course not”, everybody relaxed, “I am just saying, I don't want you to waste your time.”

 

His dad approached him and sat down to take his hand.

 

“Kid, when are you going to realise, that we _want_ to be here with you?”, he said with a smile.

 

“Okay”, Stiles smiled back.

 

They spent the rest of the day talking about anything but cancer and watching some TV while commenting on it. It was actually quite fun and Stiles forgot the disease for a while, even though there were still waves of pain hitting him from time to time.

 

After about another week of rest they started with chemotheraphy. They did it the same way as before and Derek stayed with him through all of them. This time Derek was always the one telling stories and Stiles listened, it seemed like he was too tired to tell stories himself. In fact, Stiles wasn't talking at all most of the time. He was just laying in Derek's arms and enduring the procedure. Derek got more and more worried about him because of that. So sometimes when it was very bad, Derek switched to humming a melody. Or telling Stiles how proud he was of him. Or reassuring Stiles that they were all here for him. The only things Stiles would mumble in return were things like “thank you” or “I love you”.

 

The pack came by a few times as well and they noticed the change in Stiles, too. He was quiet most of the time and just returned some witty comments, but never said them himself anymore. They all thought, that he looked tired and worn out. As a matter of fact, Stiles didn't say, that he was fine, when they asked him, he mostly ignored the question or said nothing at all. It wasn't like him to be like that. He didn't participate in the conversations they were having anymore and it started to worry all of them. They talked to Noah and Derek about it and both of them said, that they noticed stuff like that as well. Noah chose to talk to Dr. Adams about that.

 

“Sheriff, what can I do for you? Is everything alright with Stiles?”, Dr. Adams shook his hand and offered him a seat.

 

“Thank you”, Noah said and sat down, “that is what I wanted to talk to you about... He is different.”

 

“Different, how?”

 

“I don't know..it's...it's like he doesn't care anymore...like he gave up.”

 

Dr. Adams nodded like he already expected that answer.

 

“This reaction is pretty common. Sometimes when people endure chemotheraphy they can't focus on anything anymore but the pain. I mean, chemotheraphy is literally poisoning the body and so it could be, that the body decided, that he needs to shut down and focus on healing. This way the patient will feel groggy or sad, because the body shifts all its strenght into healing.”

 

“Ah”, Noah said and nodded to himself. That made sense, but he didn't feel any better. He even felt worse, now that he knew that Stiles had to go through all this.

 

“Is there anything we can do for him?”, he asked Dr. Adams.

 

“Just be there with him and for him. Talk to him or spent time together. Do things he loves and basically this will help taking his mind off things.”

 

“Okay, thank you”, Noah forced a smile on his face.

 

“We are doing everything we can to make him feel better soon”, Dr. Adams looked at Noah determingly.

 

“I know”, there was now a genuine smile on Noah's face, “thank you for everything.”

 

Derek entered Stiles' room later that day.

 

“Hey, Stiles”, he said and tried to sound happy.

 

“Hi”, Stiles answered quietly. His voice was weak and when Derek looked at Stiles, who was laying in bed, his heart ached at the sight of that. Stiles looked sick and miserable and it felt like his strength had left him. Derek sighed and sat down on the bed. Stiles didn't move, he just looked up at Derek and forced a small smile on his face. But Derek could see, that he didn't mean that.

 

“You want to do something?”, Derek asked softly after a while, but Stiles just shook his head. Derek expected that answer, he was used to this by now. So he said “okay”, sat down on the chair and grabbed his book.

 

Stiles didn't want to be rude or anything, he was just so tired. The cancer had come back after all these treatments and pain and now it was going to stay. Stiles was sure of it. He didn't want to give up, but with everyday the pain got worse and he felt useless and weak. It was like his body signalising him, that he had enough as well. Derek had his hand on Stiles' knee and was drawing small bits of pain. Stiles got tired of telling him off, he felt like Derek _needed_ to do something in order for himself to feel better. Stiles moved and put his hand over Derek's. That made him look up from the book. Stiles shot him a small smile and Derek returned it. Derek then lifted their intertwined hands and placed a kiss on them. 

 

His dad came by more often now, but Stiles was acting more and more out of character. It started to scare Noah, because it was like he didn't know the person sitting in front of him anymore. Sometimes Stiles started a joke, but then stopped in the middle of it, as if thinking that there was no point. Or he wouldn't crack jokes with the nurses anymore. Little things like that made Noah's worry grow bigger and bigger. When he opened the door and was greeted with the same sight. Stiles was sitting in bed and looking out of the window. He looked small and fragile.

 

“Hey Stiles, what's up?”, Noah asked cheerfully.

 

“Same old”, Stiles just answered and didn't even look at him. Noah took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. Same as Derek he was used to it by now, but there was anger growing inside of him, because Stiles seemed so slack. He tried lifting the mood.

 

“I talked to the others and they are planning to get you back on the lacrosse team once you are out of here. Then you can play with them on the field, just like you always wanted.”

 

“If”, Stiles just whispered.

 

“If what?”, Noah asked confused.

 

“ _If_ I make it out of here”, Stiles said monotonously and still didn't look at his dad. Noah was getting sick of Stiles' mentality.

 

“Just fight it, jesus, Stiles!”, he shouted. He couldn't take it anymore. That made Stiles look at his dad with his eyes wide open. Noah never shouted at him. Sure, when he was younger, his dad had raised his voice when Stiles hadn't listen again, but he had never shouted.

 

“I am sick of you being like that!”, Noah said loudly again.

 

“I am tired dad, okay?!”, Stiles shouted in return. He was shocked at how loud his voice sounded and his dad was too. It was silent for a few seconds.

 

“I am tired of this all here”, Stiles added quietly, “I don't want to do this anymore. It just hurts. All those medications hurt.”

 

“What do you....what do you mean by that?”, Noah's voice broke.

 

But Stiles didn't give him an answer, he just looked at him and then moved his glance away. Noah understood.

 

“No! NO! You don't get to leave this world before me!”, Noah's hands trembled and his eyes began to tear up. Stiles still didn't respond.

 

“You don't get to give up”, Noah added quietly and tears were falling down his face. Stiles hated that he was the cause of all of that and opened his arms. Noah was hesitant at first, but then got on the bed and in his son's arms. Stiles began moving his hands over Noah's back in small circles and pulled him closer.

 

“It's going to be okay dad”, Stiles whispered and placed a kiss on his head. Seeing his dad like that broke his heart. He hated that he made his dad relive the horrible scenarios with his mum again. But Stiles had lost all hope and started preparing for the worst case scenario.

 

Derek took Stiles to the roof to see shooting stars one night. He had talked to Dr. Adams beforehand to make an exception and after hearing what Derek had planned he happily granted it. Derek prepared everything for the whole day, which is why he wasn't at the hospital. He felt guilty about that, but then thought about everything he had planned for tonight. He bought strawberries and dunked them in chocolate. Made Stiles' favourite potatosalad and grabbed some Doritos. It wasn't the healthiest dinner, but all of these were Stiles' favourite things and he wanted this night to be special. He went to the hospital just before nightfall and walked up to Stiles' room. Stiles looked at him with a confused expression.

 

“We are going to see the stars tonight. And no, you can't bail on me today”, Derek said with a big smile.

 

Stiles shot him a small smile and slowly got up from bed. Derek helped him into his coat and warm shoes. Stiles took Derek's hand to steady him and sat down into the wheelchair. Derek started wheeling him outside the room and up on the roof. Once they were there, he placed everything on the floor and prepared the feast.

 

“Looks good”, Stiles shyly said with a smile and Derek smiled up at him.He then laid down on the blankets and looked up to Stiles. After a few seconds Stiles moved and laid down next to him. Derek took a strawberry and held it up to Stiles' face. Stiles took a bite and chuckled. Derek's heart fluttered at that sound.

 

“You really thought about everything, haven't you?”, Stiles said.

 

“Mhm”, Derek said with his mouth full, which made Stiles chuckle again. Derek had brought pillows and blankets and together they built a little fort. Stiles felt better with every minute and the smile on his face was truly genuine after some time. When they finished eating, both of them laid in each others arms and looked up at the stars. Sadly there were some clouds covering the sky and the lights from the houses made most of the stars disappear. However it was still a wonderful feeling to just lay there and look up. Derek closed his eyes and started to relax. It was quiet for a while when he noticed the change in Stiles' scent. He opened them again and saw tears in Stiles' eyes. Derek was about to ask him why, when he started talking.

 

“You have made me so happy”, Stiles cried quietly. Derek swallowed and closed his eyes for a second.

 

“Please don't...please don't say that”, Derek whispered, “it's not over yet.”

 

“Derek we both know how this is going to end...”

 

“Well I don't wanna hear it!”, Derek said strictly and moved Stiles closer to his chest.

 

“Derek I don't know how much ti-”

 

“Shhh...”, Derek shushed him down and fastened the embrace.

 

“Derek please...just let me say this”, Stiles pleaded and Derek sighed.

 

“Okay”, he said quietly after a while. Stiles took some time to collect his thoughts.

 

“We didn't like each other in the beginning, I think everybody saw that”, Stiles chuckled and Derek couldn't help but join him.

 

“But then I saw what type of person you really are. Kind. Caring. Strong. But there was also so much guilt and pain inside of you. I always knew, that you just reacted the way you did, because you were scared of losing people.”

 

Derek started crying and swallowed hard. Stiles continued talking in a quiet voice.

 

“And then we were always drawn together by some weird incidences and I'd like to think that it was fate”, Stiles smiled and got up on his ellbow to look at Derek better. He wiped away the tears on Derek's face.

 

“Well and one thing lead to another and I fell for you. Hard”, Stiles chuckled. He looked down and cleared his throat. Then he laid back down and put his hand over his face.

 

“I haven't had...I haven't had enough time... _we_ haven't had enough-”, sobs were interrupting Stiles' voice, “I am so sorry for causing you so much pain”. Derek didn't know what to respond to that. Didn't even know if he could talk right now.

 

“I can't do this without you”, Derek cried and newly formed tears were streaming down his face.

 

“Yes, you can”, Stiles sniffled and smiled, “you are Derek freaking Hale. You can do anything.”

 

“I can't...I can't”, sobs were interrupting Derek's voice.

 

“Yes you can!”, Stiles said more determingly now. He took Derek's face in his hands and made him look at him, “it will hurt at first, but then everything is going to b-”

 

“No...no no....”, Derek whispered and closed his eyes.

 

“Derek-”

 

“NO!”, Derek shouted almost enraged. Tears were glistering in his eyes and Stiles thought he saw a bit of red in them as well. It was quiet for a while.

 

“I don't want to hear it”, Derek then added quietly and sounded so weak and broken that Stiles put a small kiss on his cheek and laid back down. He knew, that this here wasn't going to end the way he had planned. Derek couldn't let go at this point, but he had to in the future. Stiles just hoped, that all their lifes would continue even after he was gone.

 


	9. Symptoms

After the chemotheraphy was done, Stiles was given three weeks again to recover. He felt awful the whole time. Whenever he was having sessions he felt like he was dying right there and then. Stiles felt so grateful for Derek to be there with him, but he also felt guilty. Derek didn't deserve this, he had been through so much pain already. So first Stiles tried telling him off again when he took any pain. When he realised that this wasn't going to work he found excuses for Derek being there with him. Stiles either send him away because he said that he was tired or even told the nurses to get Derek out of the room, because he wanted to rest or whatever. Stiles felt horrible when he saw Derek's face, because his eyes were full of pain everytime he left the room. “Okay”, Derek would say, “call me if you need anything”. And then he would kiss Stiles on the forehead and shuffle outside the room. It broke Stiles' heart to see him like that and he often cried as soon as Derek couldn't hear him anymore. But he told himself, that this was for the best. Derek didn't deserve any of this. But Derek dissented. When Stiles tried to get him out of the room again one day he got mad.

 

“Why are you doing this?”, Derek asked calmly, but there was anger bubbling under the surface.

 

“I don't know what you are talking about”, Stiles answered bluntly.

 

“You know _exactly_ what I mean.”

 

It was quiet in the room and Stiles just looked at him. Then he moved his glance away and pulled the covers up to his chin and closed his eyes. Derek felt tears forming in his eyes.

 

“Aren't I good enough?”, Derek's voice broke. Stiles pressed his eyes shut, but Derek could see some tears in them as well. Stiles then sighed and opened them.

 

“You got it backwards”, he started softly, “ _I_ am not good enough for _you_.”

 

“What are you talking about? I am-”

 

“I am not worth causing you that much pain”, Stiles said and finally looked at Derek. Derek couldn't believe what he was hearing.

 

“Well this is not your decision to make”, he then said determingly and angrily wiped some tears away.

 

“It is”, not Stiles voice became a bit louder, “it is _my_ decision who I hurt in this process and I will not let you be in pain because of me!”

 

“I don't care about this stupid decision of yours! I love you and I want to be here for you!”

 

“Derek, just leave it, please.”

 

“No! You can't just push me away....you... you can't, because I don't know how much time...”, Derek's voice got quieter with every word until he looked defeated and unbelieavably sad.

 

“You can't do this to me”, he then whispered and started walking out of the door. Stiles wanted to say something, but didn't know how to start. And then Derek was already gone. _What did I do?_ Stiles asked himself and started sobbing uncontrollably. He felt so hopeless, because he didn't know what to do. He didn't want any of his friends being in pain, but he also knew, that he didn't do Derek justice with the way he was treating him. Still crying Stiles picked up the phone and called Derek. It rang three times and Stiles thought about hanging up, but then Derek's soft voice came through the speaker. He had been crying as well.

 

“What is it? Are you okay?”

 

“I am so sorry”, Stiles cried and sobbed into the phone. He couldn't say anything else, because his voice was shaking so much. It was quiet on the other end and Stiles thought that he might have been too late, but then the door opened and the most beautiful man was standing in the door. Stiles hung up the phone and opened his arms. Derek hurried to get to him and laid down with him on the bed. Stiles couldn't stop crying and put his hands over his face.

 

“I am so sorry”, he said again and Derek just held him.

 

“Shh...it's okay”, he said, but Stiles could hear, that he was crying as well. Derek felt like the weight had been lifted off his shoulders when Stiles had called him. He knew that Stiles just wanted to push him away to protect him, but the thought of him staying away from Stiles was unbearable.

 

“I am not gonna leave you”, Derek said and put a kiss on Stiles head. There was no point in talking right now, so Derek just held him.

 

They never talked about this again. It was now established, that Derek wouldn't go anywhere and Stiles was actually so relieved about that. He still felt guilty, that he put them all through this, but having them all by his side helped immensely. His dad came by whenever he could and saw that Derek was always there with Stiles. There wasn't a day, when Stiles was alone and when Derek had to take care of supernatural business, what Noah still didn't know about, Lydia or Allison were there to keep Stiles company. Noah was so grateful for them all, but he could also see, how tired they all looked. Seeing their friend like this broke something in them, even thought they didn't want to show it.

 

“How is he?”, Derek asked softly after he entered the room. He had two coffees in his hands and gave one to the sheriff, who took it thankfully.

 

“They gave him some painkillers and now he is sleeping.”

 

“That's good”, Derek smiled. Neither of them were talking for a while.

 

“Go home Derek, you look like crap”, Noah said with a sad smile.

 

“I am fine sheriff, I just...I feel like I need to be here for him.”

 

“And I get that. I really do. But couldn't you help him better once you are rested and well?”

 

Derek thought about that for a while. He didn't feel like he needed any rest. The thought about staying away from Stiles scared him, because what if something would happpen to him? But then, his dad was here, so he knew that Stiles wouldn't be alone.

 

“Derek, I got this”, Noah smiled and Derek nodded.

 

“Okay”, he said softly and gave Stiles a kiss on the forehead. It was weird walking out of the room and getting into the car. The whole drive to his loft he thought about turning around and driving back. But when he entered the loft he realised, how exhausted he actually was. He decided to switch on the TV and sit on the couch. It didn't take long and his eyes fell shut. He slept for the rest of the day and halfway through the night. Sadly his dreams weren't as pleasant and Derek found himself having a nightmare. It wasn't his usual one where he relived the past and was forced to watch his family burn because he couldn't move. Nowadays the nightmare were more about Stiles. This time he dreamed about them having a nice picnic. It was too beautiful to be true and the colours looked out of place, but Derek didn't mind. All he saw was Stiles, who was laughing out loud about something and his whole face lit up. They were having a wonderful time, but then the whole scene got dark and the image of Stiles moved further away from him. Derek tried calling after him, but it was like Stiles didn't hear him. _Stiles!_ he shouted in his mind, but no sounds were coming out of his mouth. And then he jerked himself awake. He was panting and his hair was sticking to his forehead.

 

“Wow”, Derek said and dragged his hands over his face. It was too late to go to Stiles now, he needed the rest himself. Still, after having this nightmare Derek thought about sneaking in or at least calling Stiles, but he didn't want to disturb him now. So he decided to go back in the morning and turned around to try to sleep for a couple more hours.

 

The coughs returned after a while. And with them the blood. The first time it happened the pack was over. They were playing cards when Stiles started coughing. When he removed the arm from his mouth there were speckles of blood on it. The girls harshly sucked in air in surprise and Scott immediately started draining Stiles' pain.

 

“Guys, it's fine, it's fine”, Stiles said and removed Scott's hand from his leg.

 

“Stiles, you are clearly not fine”, Lydia started, “should we get the doctor?”

 

“I'm on it!”, Allison said and ran outside.

 

“No, really. This is just another symptom, it's okay”, Stiles tried calming them down and smiled.

 

The others didn't look convinced, but then timidly returned it. Allison returned with the doctor and he looked over Stiles. But this was indeed just another symptom, he told them. It was still good of them to call him, but as of right now, it wasn't anything severe.

 

Luckily the coughing up blood thing happened only once. The pain in his chest region however stayed. Most of the days it was fine though. They gave him enough painkillers so that the pain was more of a dull ache. Scott listened to him when he told him, that he didn't like causing Scott pain. And so he never tried taking it after this time, even thought it hurt him to see Stiles wincing. Derek on the other hand wasn't that cooperative. They almost got into another fight, but then Derek just yelled “fine!” and the topic was done. But what Stiles didn't know was, that Derek continued taking little of it to help Stiles sleep, just like he used to do it before.

 

Stiles hated being alone at night. It was always during these times where the panic overwhelmed him. He thought about his dad, who he was going to leave alone in this world. He thought about Derek, who hopefully would recover from losing him. And he thought about his friends, his pack, who will have to endure pain as well. Deaton once said, that losing a pack member was like losing a limb and he hated himself for putting them all through this. One night he suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. He had been short of breath before, but it wasn't anything like that. Before he had managed to calm himself down and think about something else and the pain had stopped. But not this time. This time it felt like his lungs were gone and Stiles gasped for breath. He started to panic, but then reminded himself to stay calm and think rationally. He moved so that he was laying on the side and pushed the button next to his bed to alarm the nurses. _Why is this taking so long_? Stiles' breaths came out more uneven and he sat up and clutched his chest. It started to hurt really bad. Then finally his door opened and an alarmed nurse came inside the room.

 

“Air”, he just managed to choke out, but the nurse already understood. With some experienced movements she removed his cannula and connected him to a bigger machine, while talking quietly to calm him down. When the cannula was gone Stiles thought that he was going to suffocate, but then the nurse was finished connecting him and the big mask over his mouth and nose provided him with sweet oxygen.

 

“Is that better?”, she asked him nicely and after taking a few deep breaths Stiles managed to say “yeah”.

 

“Okay Mr. Stilinski. I will check in with you in about an hour, just to see if you still need the mask then. But feel free to call me anytime, alright?”

 

“Thank you”, Stiles said truthfully and felt bad for calling her in the middle of the night. But without her he would still be in immense pain, so he shoved the guilt away.

 

“Of course”, she smiled and closed the door behind her. Stiles thought about calling anyone, but didn't want them to worry so he decided against it. His heart and mind were still racing, but with every deep breath he took he managed to get them under control as well. The nurse returned about an hour later and Stiles felt better, so they switched to the nasal cannula again. Stiles was really happy about that, because then the others wouldn't ask questions about his overall whellbeing again. With all these symptoms however the others started to get more and more worried. Stiles didn't feel like eating for a while now and his dad tried really hard not to freak out about that.

 

“You sure you don't want to eat something, kiddo?”, he asked Stiles and the worry was clearly noticeable.

 

“I am not hungry dad”, Stiles said and looked up from the puzzle he was doing.

 

“You haven't eaten anything for the whole day and yesterday you just ate the soup they brought you...I am... I am just worried about you...That's all.”

 

“I know dad”, Stiles answered. He didn't bother to lie that he was fine, because he clearly wasn't. He was dying.

 

He noticed that everybody kept talking to him about food and it started to annoy him. He knew that they were just looking out for him, but he just wasn't hungry. Stiles forced himself to at least eat some of it, but mostly for the sake of his dad.

 

One day when the pain became too much Stiles decided that he would feel much better after a warm shower. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door. When he removed his shirt he caught a glance in the mirrow. Now he saw what everybody was talking about. His bones were sticking out everywhere and his skin had a sickly shade. He brushed his fingers over his collarbone and down to his hips, which were sticking out as well. Stiles sighed and got under the shower. The water was helping with the overall pain in his body and the smell of his shampoo filled his nose and he felt a little bit like he was home.

 

Some days when the others came over he was so tired that they were long gone when he was awake again. If that happened, then Stiles always wrote them a message saying how sorry he was for sleeping the whole day. Then they would talk over the phone for a while, which made Stiles feel better.

 

Derek knocked on the door and walked in. He just came back from taking a walk down to the cafeteria to grab a coffee. He was starting to get more and more worried about Stiles' condition. What sucked was, that he couldn't do anything about it! Sometimes he got so angry at the world and everything that he had to go outside and calm himself down so that he wouldn't shift right there and then. It just wasn't fair!

 

“Hey Stiles”, Derek said softly and gave him a kiss on the forehead, “it is almost 2pm...do you...do you wanna do something? Or do you need anything?”

 

Stiles shook his head and opened his eyes to little slots.

 

“I am so tired”, he breathed.

 

“Okay”, Derek whispered and stood up from the bed.

 

“Stay”, Stiles whispered. Derek sat back down and whispered “of course” before laying down next to him. Stiles shuffled closer and mumbled happily.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I know”, Derek answered with a smile and closed the embrace. He started taking Stiles' pain as well. Sadly he couldn't take it all, since it was just too much at this point. But at least he could help Stiles as much as he could.

 

“Thank you”, Stiles mumbled when some of the pain left his body.

 

“You're welcome”, Derek answered happily but he had to hold back tears. He placed a kiss into Stiles hair, it finally started to grow back again.

 

After the three weeks were over they performed another scan to see if the cancer growth had been reduced. Dr. Adams came by in the afternoon to tell them the news and this time Noah and Derek were both there.

 

“Hello Stiles. Sheriff, Mr. Hale”, he nodded to them all, “I have the results from the scans we performed.”

 

Everybody was looking at him, but Stiles kinda felt like he knew already what Dr. Adams would say. It was like he felt it in his bones.

 

“It seems like...like the chemotheraphy wasn't effective. I am so very sorry, but we can't help Stiles any further”, Dr. Adams said and he looked like he really meant it. There were even some tears in his eyes, because Stiles really grew on him over the past months. Today Dr. Adams hated his job.

 

The room was quiet. Derek was almost crushing Stiles' hand and Noah was looking into nothingness. He broke out of the freeze. Both of them had tears in their eyes as well. Stiles exhaled deeply. _I knew it._ Suprisingly he wasn't scared or devastated, he just felt nothing.

 

“So what do we do now?”, Noah asked quietly.

 

“In these cases we propose two options. You can either take Stiles home, make sure he is comfortable. Or you can get into contact with special homes where he can stay until...until the end, but the decision is up to you.”

 

Noah swallowed hard and cleared his throat. He knew Dr. Adams was talking about a hospice and his stomach twisted and turned. Derek was still in shock, but stopped squeezing Stiles' hand at least.

 

“No, we will take him back home”, Noah said quietly and monotonously.

 

“We will send a nurse, who will look at Stiles' vitals every couple of days. But you have to be sure about it. It takes a lot to take care of a person and-”

 

“Yeah I know, I have been through that”, Noah forced a smile. Dr. Adams returned it sadly and nodded.

 

“Alright. Then I will prepare everything”, he said and walked out of the room.

 

Stiles didn't know what to say, but he actually expected that. Derek looked at him with tears in his eyes. Noah got up and dragged his hands over his face. At least Stiles was going home, but all of them never thought that it would be because of that.

 


	10. The Inevitable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, this chapter is going to be longer than the others. It was so hard for me to write and I cried a few times... I hope you enjoy it nonetheless
> 
> Thank you so much for reading it ♥

Weird to think that it had been roughtly five months when it all started. Almost half a year spent in a hospital. And there were points were Stiles hated that smell of disinfectant and fresh bed sheets. But what he didnt't expect was how hard it was to say goodbye to the nurses and doctors that took care of him. He was released on a Wednesday. His dad was waiting downstairs and filled out the necessary paperwork. Stiles had already packed most of his things the day before so that his dad could get it home. He finished packing his backpack and put it on his lap when he wheeled to the door and turned around to look at his room one last time. He smiled. Not all times had been bad. He remembered the times when the whole pack came over to play cards or when Derek laid with him in bed for the whole day. With a last look Stiles turned his wheelchair around and closed the door behind him. He took the elevator to the third floor and wheeled to the nurses office. He knew that Erica was working right now and already saw her reading through some files on her desk.

 

“Hey Stiles”, Stephanie greeted him and walked past him. He returned the greeting and saw Erica approaching him. She looked sad and stopped in front of him. They didn't say anything for a while.

 

“Well...”, Stiles started and could already feel the tears forming in his eyes, “I just came by to say goodbye.”

 

Erica swallowed hard and nodded. She moved forward and gave him a big hug.

 

“You be good, alright?”, Stiles could hear that she was close to tears as well.

 

“You know me”, Stiles chuckled and she did as well. Erica took a deep breath and cleared her throat. She broke the hug and looked at him.

 

“It's just not fair”, she breathed.

 

“No, it's not...”

 

Again there was silence between them.

 

“Thank you for everything”, Stiles said and really meant it. Erica nodded and wiped some tears away that left her eyes.

 

“Hey, you know where Dr. Adams is?”, Stiles tried changing the topic and Erica happily accepted it.

 

“He should have a doctor's visit right now”, she looked at some papers and timetables, “you should find him in room 03-215.”

 

“Thanks”, Stiles said with a smile and wheeled outside the office, before he started crying as well. He took a deep breath and made his way to the room. When he arrived in front of it he saw Dr. Adams talking to another patient and waited outside. Dr. Adams finished his visit about five minutes later and walked outside the room. He saw Stiles and stopped.

 

“Hey Stiles, how are you?”

 

“Good good, how are you doc?”

 

“Good myself, thank you”, he smiled genuinly.

 

“I just wanted to say thank you for everything you did”, Stiles cleared his throat. Dr. Adams nodded knowingly and notified the others to go ahead. When they were gone he talked again.

 

“I know I shouldn't say this, but it was a pleasure having you here. You are now officially one of my favourite patients”, he chuckled and Stiles joined. Then he got serious again.

 

“I am sorry we couldn't help you”, Dr. Adams said truthfully.

 

“You did everything you could. I really appreciate it.”

 

“Still...”, he said and cleared his throat as well, “I am gonna miss your pranks. Oh and definitely the constant gossip about everyone.”

 

Stiles smiled and huffed a laugh.

 

“I am gonna miss you too”, he said to Dr. Adams and shook his hand.

 

“Thank you again”, he said before wheeling back to the elevator and taking it to the ground floor to his dad.

 

The paperwork was already done when he arrived there. Noah was just getting last tips for handling everything and welcomed Stiles with a forced smile. Stiles knew, that it hurt Noah to realise, that there was nothing to be done anymore. They brought Stiles home to die. He brought his own son home so that he could die. Everybody would freak out about that.

 

They arrived at the house and Noah wanted helped Stiles into his wheelchair.

 

“Nah, I got this”, Stiles said and patted Noah on the shoulder. His dad hesitated for a second but then nodded. Stiles got out of the car and his knees were shaking, but he needed to do this for himself. Needed to do a thing by himself again. Noah walked in front of him and opened the door.

 

“Welcome home”, he said and forced a smile on his face again. Stiles entered the house and was greeted with the familiar smell of his father. It smelled like home and tears were forming in Stiles' eyes. He smiled and helped his dad bring everything inside. After doing so he was completely exhausted, but as happy as he hadn't felt in a while now. He sat down on the sofa and switched on the tv.

 

Stiles harshly sucked in air and let out a weird noise.

 

“What? What is it?!”, Noah came barging into the room looking alarmed.

 

“ _Say Yes To The Dress_ is on!”, Stiles raised his arms into the sky and looked at his dad with a huge grin. It took a few seconds and Noah bursted into a laugh.

 

“You watch that show?”, he asked, still laughing.

 

“I _looove_ that show!”

 

“Okay then”, Noah said and left the room. He was still laughing and Stiles loved the sound of that. He hadn't heard it in a long time.

 

The others came by a few hours later after school. Derek was with him. He had wanted Stiles and his dad to have a few hours for themselves. When they arrived they could already hear them both laughing about something and all of them stopped in their steps. They enjoyed the sound of that and all smiled softly to themselves. Lydia was the one who knocked. The sheriff opened and let them all in.

 

“Hey guys!”, Stiles greeted them happily. He was sitting on the sofa wrapped in a warm blanket and wearing a beanie. He looked cold and worn out but so cheerful. Some random tv show was on and empty tea mugs were on the table. It looked homly.

 

“I see you have already adjusted to being at home”, Lydia chuckled and sat down on the sofa as well.

 

“Scooch”, Allison said and soon Stiles was sandwiched between both of them. Scott helped Derek spreading their sleeping bags across the floor. Noah and their parents had agreed for them all to stay here. They knew, that the end was near and wanted them to be there with their friend. They all realised, that they were more than friends, none of them knew about the supernatural. But the way they were treating each other showed them, that there was a deep love and trust flowing between them.

 

The first night they all slept in the living room, except for Stiles who finally could sleep in his own bed. It felt amazing and the smell of home made him relax. He happily closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. But everything was quiet and dark, he still hated being alone at night. Stiles tossed and turned in bed, not knowing what to do. In hospital he often flipped through the book Scott had given him and the image of his friends had helped him relax. On other days he had called either one of them and talked for a few hours. He remembered, that they were all sleeping in the living room. He didn't want to disturb them, but he felt incredibly lonely. So he whispered “Derek”, because he knew, that he would hear him. It took a few seconds and Derek walked into Stiles' room.

 

“Everything alright?”, he asked softly.

 

“Now it is”, Stiles smiled and opened the covers. Derek smiled back and laid next to him. It felt so good and both of them sighed happily without planning it. Then they laughed softly and tangled their bodies together. That night they slept better than all the nights before. From this day on they did that more often. Derek intended to sleep in the living room at least once to give Stiles space, but he couldn't leave him longer than a few hours and so he walked to Stiles' room and saw Stiles already waiting for him, because he couldn't sleep either.

 

Some days Stiles didn't want to leave the bed and put on a brave face. On other days he walked around the house like nothing happened and was being the same old witty Stiles. It was on days like these when he was so happy that he could finally breathe. Luckily today was one of those fun happy days. Stiles woke up and almost didn't feel any pain. He stretched and let out a big yawn. When he rolled around he saw Derek sleeping next to him. Stiles smiled to himself and admired the view for a while. The worried expression on Derek's forehead was gone and his lips were slightly parted. Stiles could hear his deep and relaxed breaths. He moved closer and put his hands on Derek's face. Derek was waking up, but Stiles' lips were already on his. Derek huffed a laugh and kissed him back passionately. Stiles took a deep breath through his nose and broke the kiss.

 

“Good morning beautiful man”, he smiled and stroke his thumb over Derek's cheek.

 

“Good morning beautiful”, Derek returned and kissed Stiles again. Stiles hummed happily and laid his head on Derek's chest.

 

“I want to go to the park today, wanna join me?”, he said after a few minutes of silence. Derek was taken aback by this plan, because Stiles was still sick. But he wanted Stiles to have everything he needed. Besides, it would be great to go outside again.

 

“If you want that, sure”, Derek returned and kissed Stiles on the head.

 

“I do”, Stiles said softly, “we could feed the ducks or watch other people or lay down in the grass...”

 

“You know, that you are not supposed to _feed_ the ducks, right?”, Derek chuckled.

 

“Pfft, you should know by now, that I don't care. Have you seen their faces? They have wrapped be around their finger...uh wings.”

 

Derek laughed and his chest trembled. Stiles felt so happy and carefree at this exact moment.

 

“Stiles?”, his father called him the next morning, “the nurse is here to check up on you.”

 

“Be right there!”, Stiles called back and got into the wheelchair. The pack was in school, so Derek and Noah were the only one in the house besides Stiles. Derek followed Stiles into the living room and almost ran into him, when Stiles suddenly stopped.

 

“Erica?”, Stiles asked questioningly.

 

“Surprise!”, she laughed and got over to him to give him a big hug. Stiles laughed as well.

 

“What are you doing here?”, he asked her and looked over to his dad who had a huge grin on his face. Stiles put two and two together.

 

“You knew?”

 

“Yeah”, Noah laughed, “I wanted to surprise you.”

 

“Well the surprise definitely worked!”

 

“I could switch with Stephanie and take her place. There is no way I am gonna let her have all the fun. I need to know what's happening on _The Bachelor_ and you are the best source!”, they all laughed.

 

Erica got up from the floor and moved over to Derek.

 

“Good to see you”, he said happily and shook her hand.

 

“Likewise. I see you have all taken perfect care of him, you look great Stiles”, she said genuine.

 

“I _feel_ great”, Stiles said truthfully.

 

“Sounds perfect”, Erica smiled, “I just need to check your vitals and then I leave you guys alone again.”

 

She started taking some of his blood for a test she brought with her. Stiles updated her on his life and more importantly on what had happened on _The Bachelor_. Erica laughed a few times and Stiles joined her. That sound filled the room. Derek and Noah were sitting on the sofa reading some magazines. Both looked up and over to the two.

 

“I love that sound”, Derek said more to himself, but Noah heard it.

 

“Yeah”, he just said quietly and smiled softly.

 

Erica was finished after a few minutes.

 

“I'll be back in a week, but if there is anything-”

 

“I know I know”, Stiles laughed, “I will let you know.”

 

Erica laughed as well and winked before going out of the door.

 

The pack came by every afternoon if they could arrange it. They brought homework with them and Stiles was happy for some distraction. Even thought he knew, that he wouldn't make it until the end of the school year. They often cooked dinner together and just enjoyed each others company. Most of the time there was no need of talking, the silence was never awkward though. It was actually calming. Sometimes they would watch crappy tv shows and cheer for their favourite candidate of voting shows. The sound of laughter often filled the room and on good days they got out of the house to walk around or go shopping. Stiles actually had quite a good fashion sense and practically forced Derek into wearing things, which often resulted in the pack laughing out loud, because Derek put on his grumpy face since he hated shopping. The outfits always looked amazing though and Derek ended up buying them.

 

The sheriff came by in the evening and found them all cuddling on the sofa with the tv still running in the distance. Derek's and Stiles' bodies were tangled together, Allison had her head in Scott's lap. Lydia had Allison's legs in her lap and her head on Scott's shoulder. It was a perfect image and Noah wished, that he could see it for the rest of his life.

 

One night the sheriff came to Stiles' room while Derek and him were watching a movie. Stiles was wrapped up in a thick blanket, but his skin was still ice cold and looked so pale. He was sitting in between Derek's legs and was resting on his chest. Derek had both arms wrapped tightly around him and his chin was resting on Stiles' head. Stiles looked up from the movie.

 

“Hey dad, what's up?”

 

“Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you”, he said and was about to walk out of the room again.

 

“No, it's fine sheriff, I was about to get to the bathroom anyways”, Derek smiled and entangled their bodies. He gave Stiles a long kiss and then wrapped him back into the blankets.

 

“You know you don't have to call me that, right?”, Noah chuckled, “you can call me Noah.”

 

“I know...Noah”, Derek said timidly. He smiled at him and walked outside. Noah sat down on the bed.

 

“How you holding up kiddo?”

 

“I don't know”, Stiles said truthfully, “some days are good, some bad.”

 

Noah nodded and forced a smile on his face.

 

“How are you”, Stiles suddenly asked. Noah looked at him with a confused expression.

 

“Me?”

 

“Yeah, you. I can see it on your face.”

 

Noah sighed deeply.

 

“Well...to be true...sometimes I don't know what to do”, he nodded to himself, “I just wish that there was something I can do.”

 

Stiles sat up and took his father's hand. It didn't feel like Stiles' hand and Noah flinched.

 

“If it makes you feel better, I am very proud of you”, Stiles smiled up to him and it was genuine. But then his face crumbled.

 

“I am so sorry that I am leaving you”, he started crying, “I never wanted it to be like this.”

 

Noah moved closer and hugged him tightly.

 

“No no, hey, it's not your fault”, he said and tried holding back tears himself. Stiles sniffed and cleared his throat.

 

“Promise me you keep living, alright?”

 

Noah nodded hard and fastened the embrace. Derek didn't mean to, but he had heard everything from the bathroom. He had to swallow hard himself and stayed in the bathroom longer than needed to give them both their space. And to get his breathing under control.

 

There were still some days when Stiles couldn't leave the bed and also didn't want to. On these days the others tried cheering him up or distracting him, but soon realised, that there was no point. They didn't blame him for it though. They knew, that that fucking cancer weakens the body _and_ the mind. Derek walked inside Stiles' room. He left it earlier to grab some food and came back with a glass of water and some soup. Stiles opened his eyes to tiny slots and smiled softly. Derek returned it timidly and sat down on the bed.

 

“Do you want to eat something?”

 

Stiles just shook his head. Derek sighed deeply and sat the bowl down on the table next to the bed.

 

“Today is bad, huh?”, Derek whispered sadly.

 

“Yeah”, Stiles breathed. His whole body hurt and his mind was fuzzy. He just wanted to stay in bed for eternity.

 

“Can I join you”, Derek asked with a small smile. Stiles timidly nodded and moved to give Derek some room on the bed as well. Derek moved under the covers and Stiles could already feel the warmth radiating off him. He shuffled closer and wrapped his whole body around Derek. Derek huffed a laugh and kissed Stiles' head.

 

“Hey there little monkey.”

 

Stiles chuckled as well and moved his head, so that he could kiss Derek. Derek fastened the embrace and both sighed happily. It didn't take long for both of them to fall asleep. Stiles woke up about an hour later. He felt totally exhausted, but couldn't sleep any further. The pain was everywhere and it made him numb but at the same time it hurt so bad he couldn't move. Stiles felt tears forming in his eyes.

 

“Hey, hey what's wrong?”, Derek's voice sounded worried. He had woken up to the shift in smell and energy from Stiles. Stiles moved his head further into the crook of Derek's neck. He could almost hear the gears turning inside Derek's head, because he tried to figure out what was happening to Stiles.

 

“I don't want to die”, Stiles whispered between sobs. Almost instantaneously tears were forming in Derek's eyes as well. Both of them didn't know what do say.

 

“I don't want to live my life without you”, Derek's voice broke and he closed his eyes to try to block everything out. There was no way in denying it any further. Stiles was going to leave this world soon and Derek and the others weren't ready for that. Stiles sniffled and cleared his throat. He made Derek look at him.

 

“You will find someone new, fall in love again-”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?”, Derek couldn't believe what he was hearing.

 

“You will fall in love again and it will just be amazing as this time”, Stiles tried again and little sobs were interrupting him.

 

“I...I don't....what-”, Derek didn't know what to say. He moved and put a hand on Stiles' cheek to made him look at him. Stiles' face was blurry, because Derek couldn't stop the tears from falling down his face. Stiles looked away, but then moved his glance and met Derek's. He took a deep breath and wiped the tears off Derek's face.

 

“I will always be with you”, Stiles smiled sadly, “just promise me that you will get through this, alright?”

 

Stiles' voice was laced with tears and he swallowed hard. Derek still couldn't say anything.

 

“Okay?”

 

Derek broke out of the shock.

 

“What? No, no!”, he frantically said and angrily wiped the tears off his face himself. Stiles took Derek's face in his hands.

 

“Hey, hey, look at me”, and Derek did, but his eyes were full of tears.

 

“Promise me, that you will take care of everyone for me, okay?”, when Derek didn't respond anything he asked more determingly this time, “okay?”

 

Derek looked away and took a deep breath.  _I can't do this_ . He wasn't ready to let go. But he also knew, that Stiles needed to know that his friends were going to be okay. So he swallowed hard and kissed Stiles on the lips. He could taste their tears and almost started crying again.

 

“I promise”, he said with a heavy heart after breaking the kiss.

 

“Thank you”, Stiles said genuine and Derek could see that he was relieved to see that Derek was going to be okay as well. But Derek wasn't so sure about that at this point. Living a life without Stiles in it, without the love of his life in it, was going to be a bitch. If not impossible. He loved Stiles so much and seeing him dying ripped his heart out of his chest. Derek knew, that he had to move on at some point, but right now the thought of that hurt too bad.

 

There were often times when either one of them had a nightmare. Derek mostly dreamed about losing Stiles and then shot up from bed, panting and often crying. If Stiles didn't wake up from that, then Derek didn't mean to worry him. He would lay down again and pull Stiles closer to him, afraid to loose him too soon. If Stiles woke up from Derek's crying, then he would mumble reassuring words to him. These often made Derek cry even more, because he couldn't imagine never hearing that voice again.

 

Stiles' nightmares were different, but not entirely. He dreamed about leaving them all behind and seeing their crying and screaming faces. He often woke up being short of breath. There were times when Derek had to get the big oxygen tank and connect him to a mask to get Stiles' breathing under control. Stiles was having one of these nightmares right now. He saw Scott and his dad, both clinging on to each other, crying and sobbing. In the background Lydia was screaming out of her lungs and Allison tried calming her down, but her hands were shaking as well. Before he could focus on Derek's face, he woke up, panting. Derek yanked out of sleep as well and quickly turned on the lights. He sat up and moved closer to Stiles.

 

“Hey, shh, it's okay. It was just a dream”, he whispered and slowly put his arms around Stiles.

 

“I know, I know”, Stiles panted and wiped the tears off his face, “I am sorry.”

 

“It's okay, it's okay”, Derek said quietly, “I am here, you are safe.”

 

Stiles laid back down and ran his hands over his face. He took some deep breaths and tried calming his racing heart down. Derek laid down next to him.

 

“You okay?”

 

“No”, Stiles said with a small smile. Derek sensed, that he didn't want to talk about this any further and opened his arms and Stiles crashed into them. Derek could hear him swallowing down sobs and he felt so helpless. All he could do right now was hold him and make him feel safe. It took a while and Stiles' whimpers became quieter and his body relaxed. Derek fell asleep shortly after that, but couldn't relax in his sleep and felt exhausted the next day. Stiles wasn't always this responsive when he was having a nightmare. Sometimes he just started panting and whimpering, while still being asleep. The first time that happened Derek started to panic, because Stiles seemed still asleep.

 

“No no no”, Stiles was whimpering and fastened the grip on Derek's arm he had been holding during the night. His face was distorted into a mask of worry and pain and his brows were furrowed.

 

“Hey hey, Stiles, it's okay, I am here”, Derek mumbled, still didn't know what to do about the situation. He thought about trying to wake Stiles up, but then saw, that his face started to relax.

 

“It's okay Stiles, I got you”, Derek whispered and took him in his arms. He slowly rubbed Stiles' back and could feel Stiles' heartrate slowing down. There was a knock on the door and the sheriff was standing there looking scared and alarmed. When he saw, that Stiles had calmed down, he sighed deeply and closed his eyes. His body relaxed and he looked at Derek.

 

“Thank you”, he whispered and Derek nodded in return with a small smile. Noah returned back into his bedroom. His heart was still pounding inside his chest and his hands were shaking. He laid back in bed and tried calming himself down. _Everything is okay, everything is okay_ he kept repeating inside his head and slowly fell asleep again.

 

Noah made sure to stay with Stiles as long as he could, but the people at work were calling him every day for about a week now. They understood the dilemma, but without the sheriff most of the work was left unfinished. Noah promised them to come back tomorrow. When Stiles was sleeping he walked into his room. Derek had left to take care of something and the rest of the pack slept in the living room. Noah slowly walked up to Stiles' bed and sat down. He took a big sigh and ran his hands over his face. He was glad, that Stiles was asleep, because otherwise he wouldn't be able to say anything at all. But he knew, that time was running out.

 

“It's okay, Stiles”, he started and cleared his throat, “you can go. I will be fine.”

 

Noah stroke Stiles' hair and smiled to himself. The memory of Claudia became more prominent seeing Stiles like that. He missed her so much and he was sure, that loosing Stiles would crush him. But Stiles would want him to go on. And he had to at least try to do that.

 

“I will be fine”, he said again, “I promise you I will...I promise I will get through this... You taught me to be strong.”

 

His voice cracked at the end and tears were streaming down his face.

 

“Say hi to mum for me, okay?”, he smiled and placed a kiss on Stiles' forehead. Stiles stirred in his sleep, but the medication kept him asleep. Before it became too much Noah got up and walked out of the room. He cleared his throat and wiped the tears away before opening the door and leaving for work. What he didn't know, was the Scott had heard everything. Scott faked being asleep, but when he heard the car driving away he couldn't help the sobs escaping his mouth. Luckily Allison and Lydia didn't wake up from this. Hearing Stiles' dad talk like that showed Scott, that Noah had given up as well. They were now all just waiting for the big catastrophe. Scott couldn't bear the crushing feeling in his gut and so he got up and walked to Stiles' room. He quietly opened the door and looked at Stiles with a sad smile on his face. The smell of him was stronger here and it made him relax. Scott moved to sit in the chair next to Stiles' bed and tried falling asleep again.

 

Stiles wanted to say goodbye to them all, but didn't want to cry anymore. He was sick of the pity looks and the look of tears in his friends' eyes. So he tried to say his last words to them without them noticing. So when Scott and Allison were with him, he said his goodbye. They were currently playing _The Last Of Us_ and Allison had gotten really good in the multiplayer mode.

 

“BOOM BITCH! Get wrecked!”, she shouted when she won the round again. She raised her arms into the sky and got up to do a happy dance. Stiles started laughing and Scott just threw the controller into the courner. Allison continued dancing.

 

“Oh yeah! Oh yeah!”, she kept singing and Stiles had to hold his stomach because the look on Scott's face made him laugh so much. It was a mixture of admiration, rage and defeat.

 

“Man I love you”, Scott then said and Allison stopped dancing to kiss him on the lips. Scott pulled her down and she fell on top of him. He threw his arms around her neck and deepend the kiss even more.

 

“Wow hey guys, I am still here”, Stiles said and placed his hands over his eyes. Their kiss turned into their teeth pressed together and they broke it to look at Stiles.

 

“You are just jealous, because Derek couldn't be here right now”, Scott said with a dopey grin. Allison's lipstick was smeared all over his and made him look even more adorable.

 

“Psshh, no I am not!”

 

“Suuuuure”, Scott said mockingly and turned around to start another round. Stiles didn't know how to start saying goodbye. It felt surreal. While Allison and Scott talked about the benefits of the different weapons and which to choose he tried finding the right words.

 

“I am really happy guys”, he suddenly said and both of them turned around. They looked at him with a sad smile and got up on the bed to give him a big hug.

 

“You take care of each other, alright?”, Stiles said after breaking the hug and he held back tears.

 

“We will take care of _each other_ ”, Scott said determingly and looked Stiles in the eyes, “you will be fine.”

 

“I know”, Stiles said. He didn't want this to turn into another crying session.

 

“I am just saying, Scott needs a looot of education”, he started and chuckled, “he needs to learn how to cook, how to do laundry, how to-”, he didn't get any further, because Scott punched him in the shoulder.

 

“Hey!”, Scott said with a laugh, “my spaghetti with tomato sauce is world class!”

 

“Suure Scotty, whatever helps you sleep at night”, Stiles laughed and Allison joined him. Then they started another round and the topic was wiped off the table. Stiles didn't know if this had been a proper goodbye, but he didn't know what else to say. This here had been hard enough. So this was as good as it was going to get.

 

After two more rounds Lydia called for lunch. Allison went into the kitchen to help set the table and Scott helped Stiles into his wheelchair. Stiles felt that the end was near, because his knees were shaking so bad he couldn't even sit up without help. Scott must felt it too, because he looked at Stiles with sorrow in his eyes. Stiles just patted him on the shoulder and shot him a smile.  _I know, it's okay_ he was trying to say and Scott understood. He smiled in return and wheeled Stiles into the kitchen. Lydia had cooked vegetables and brown rice, it was one of the recipes from her cookbooks about living a healthy life. She really tried everything and made healthy smoothies and made sure that Stiles had everything he needed. But none of these things helped removing the sickening feeling in her gut. She knew what it meant and so she tried distracting herself as best as she could. Stiles tried his best to eat and drink everything she made him, but his appetite had left him a long time ago.

 

The whole time during lunch he tried thinking about a way to get her alone in a room with him. Stiles feared, that the end was nearer than he was thinking and wanted to say something before it was too late. He tried finishing the meal, but after two bites his stomach twisted angrily. Lydia shot him a small smile and then continued talking to Allison. She knew that he tried his best and she was so proud of him. Stiles pushed the carrots around the plate and tried desperately of an excuse to get to talk to Lydia. Lunch was finished and he still didn't know how to do that. Scott must have felt that, because when he took Stiles' plate he looked at him and whispered “I got this”. Stiles was confused, but then understood. He smiled up to Scott thankfully and nodded.

 

“Hey Allison. I was thinking we could do the groceries this time”, Scott said to her and brought the plates to the sink.

 

“Yeah sure, I am up for that. Just let me help Lydia with the dishes and then I am good to go.”

 

They left soon after that and Stiles was along with Lydia. He cleared his throat, still not sure how to start. She shot him a confused look and he took a deep breath.

 

“I am really grateful for you for doing all this, you know?”, he started.

 

Lydia furrowed his brows. She had no idea where Stiles was going with this.

 

“I don't know if I show it enough.”

 

“Hey no, you are”, she said and moved closer to him, “I am pretty sure I would be sick of all this healthy food by now”, she then chuckled.

 

“I don't think I have ever heard of quinoa before”, Stiles chuckled as well, glad, that the atmosphere wasn't tense or depressed.

 

“Yeah me neither!”, she huffed a laugh but the feeling in her gut seemed to increase with every minute. She tried blocking it out and cleared his throat.

 

“Also, what the hell is seitan?”, she pointed at a picture in her cookbook. Stiles just shrugged his shoulders.

 

“How the hell am I supposed to include it in a recipe, if I don't even know how it tastes?”

 

“You will figure it out”, Stiles said with a smile and rolled closer to Lydia to place his hand over hers. Lydia almost flinched, because it was so bony and cold. She huffed a laugh to cover it.

 

“Yeah we'll see...”

 

“No, you will! You are the smartest person I know, so I know you will figure it out”, Stiles said determingly and Lydia looked at him. The sickening feeling in her gut got even stronger now and she resisted the urge to throw up.

 

“You always see the good in people”, Lydia said softly.

 

“That's kinda my superpower, don't you thing?”, he smiled and Lydia laughed.

 

“I mean it though”, he started again, “don't ever let them tell you otherwise. Just believe in your gut.”

 

Stiles didn't mean to, but with this sentence her stomach actually dropped to the floor and she felt like she was dying. She tried changing the topic.

 

“Well how about we go through this book together and you tell me what you think about the recipes”, she said and tried lifting the mood. Stiles happily jumped on that train and said “sure” before rolling back to the table. When Derek returned about twenty minutes later they were still sitting over the cookbook, but they were both laughing about something he didn't know. Stiles was wheezing and Lydia crying of laughter. The sight of that made Derek's heart jump, because both of them looked carefree and happy.

 

“What are you two laughing about?”, he asked laughingly and put a kiss on Stiles' head.

 

“Not important”, Stiles said between wheezing breaths. They turned into coughs and he gripped the table to stay sitting upright in the wheelchair. Lydia's stomach now hurt so bad, she wasn't sure it was from the laughing or from something else. Something worse. Stiles stopped coughing and sat back in his chair. He noticed the look on their faces.

 

“Hey, don't give me that look”, he said tauntingly, “you should be used to that by now.”

 

“Used to, yeah. But not okay with it”, Derek said softly and Lydia just smiled sadly. Stiles thought about a way to make the situation less awkward, but luckily Allison and Scott came through the doors with bags full of groceries. Lydia cleared her throat and with a last squeeze of Stiles' hand moved to help them put everything in the fridge. Derek looked at Stiles and saw that he could barely sit upright. He looked exhausted and tired.

 

“Hey, you wanna go to bed?”, Derek asked him quietly and Stiles nodded. He wheeled him inside his room and carried him on the bed. Stiles was asleep before his head hit the pillow. He slept for about six hours and when he woke up the house was quiet. Stiles yawned and stretched. No matter how long he slept, he always felt exhausted when he did something. Even if that just involved going to the bathroom. There had even been times where he fell asleep in the bathtub with Derek helping him washing himself. But he blamed that on Derek's amazing ability to massage his shoulders. Stiles moved to his side and saw Derek laying next to him sleeping. He moved closer and Derek opened his arms. Stiles snuggled into his chest and sighed happily before closing his eyes and trying to sleep again.

 

The next time he woke up the sun was brightly shining through the curtains. Stiles dragged his hands over his face. Today was a bad day. His whole body hurt and he felt like throwing up. With a grunt he moved to sit in the wheelchair, but before he could do anything else Derek was already standing in the door.

 

“Good afternoon sleepy head”, he smiled, but there was concern in his voice.

 

“Morning”, Stiles groaned and the feeling in his stomach worsened.

 

“Oh god”, he panted and quickly got up and moved in the direction of the bathroom. Derek understood and helped him get there faster. Stiles almost fell to the floor a few times, but Derek helped keeping him upright. Inside the bathroom, Stiles dropped to the floor next to the toilet and threw up. Derek was next to him and stroke his back. The strong smell of vomit hurt his nose, but he got used to that.

 

“Shhh, I am here, it's okay”, he mumbled while stroking over Stiles' back. Stiles continued emptying his stomach. When he finished he felt incredibly weak and his whole body was shaking. He took the wet wipe Derek held up to him and cleaned himself as best as he could.

 

“Sorry”, he whispered weakly.

 

“Nothing to be sorry for”, Derek answered softly and picked Stiles up bridal style. He walked back to his room and sat him down on the bed. Derek helped him get out of his clothes and put him in new ones. Stiles had his eyes closed the entire time and let Derek do his work. He was too weak to do anything else anyways. It didn't take long and Derek laid Stiles down under the covers. He kissed his forehead and stroke his cheek.

 

“Thank you”, Stiles whispered quietly.

 

“Of course”, Derek answered with a smile, “do you want to be alone?”

 

Derek wanted to give Stiles all the space he needed. He knew that on some days Stiles wanted to be left alone, especially on days like this. But sometimes when Stiles was alone Derek could hear him crying in his pillow and calling out Derek's name, because the loneliness was crushing him. Today was one of those days. Stiles slowly shook his head and Derek whispered “okay” before taking Stiles into his arms. It was quiet for a while and Derek thought that Stiles felt asleep.

 

“You are a good person, you know”, Stiles whispered. Derkek didn't know how to react to that. Didn't even know if he _could._

 

“Just....just don't blame yourself, alright? You couldn't have done anything to prevent this”, Stiles added quietly. Derek still couldn't say anything.

 

“Take care of the pack for me, they need you”, Stiles almost choked up, but held back his tears. He wrapped himself around Derek. What Stiles didn't expect was Derek's answer.

 

“Okay... I will”, he whispered and kissed Stiles' head. A small smile was forming on Stiles' lips. He was proud of Derek for saying that. It seemed like Derek finally understood, that this here was the end of the line. It hurt Stiles to leave them all behind, but he had made peace with himself. He had told them all, that they were going to be okay and it seemed like they really would be. It would hurt like hell of course, but the thought of them being happy again after a while made Stiles chest swell with pride.

 

He woke up the next day, but he didn't feel rested at all. It seemed that the bad days were getting more frequent now. Stiles sighed. Derek moved up from his chair and sat down on the bed.

 

“Are you cold”, he asked him even though he could feel it. He knew how Stiles hated the way everybody was treating him, but they all wanted to be there for him.

 

“Yeah”, Stiles' voice trembled and Derek could hear his teeth clatter.

 

“I have an idea”, Derek smirked. He felt his bones transform and his body getting smaller. After a few seconds all of his senses were hightened and he shook his fur. He let his tongue hang out of his mouth and tilted his head.

 

“Hey wolfie”, Stiles said and laughed, “good thinking.”

 

The wolf jumped up on the bed and curled itself around Stiles, so that Stiles' head was laying on him. Stiles hummed happily and traced his fingers through the thick furr.

 

“How comes that we didn't do this earlier?”

 

Derek growled. He used to hate his wolf form, because it reminded him of all the bad things that had happened to him. Being a werewolf always felt like a curse to him. But now having Stiles lay with him felt so good and perfect. His wolf felt complete.

 

“You are not much of a talker, huh?”, Stiles laughed to mock him and the wolf licked over his face.

 

“Hey!”, he laughed again and it turned into a cough. He calmed down after a while, but his lungs hurt really bad after that and felt like they were burning. Derek whined and placed his head onto Stiles' tummy.

 

“It's okay”, Stiles said softly and stroke Derek's furr. He curled up in a ball so that he was completely submerged into the furr. The small grumbles from Derek made Stiles relax and then fall asleep. Both slept for about two hours and when Stiles woke up it was almost nightfall and he was confused about all the furr. But then he remembered and stroke it in admiration. It was still surreal for him that this here was Derek. As if he had heard him, Derek yawned and then looked at Stiles with a tilted head.

 

“God you are adorable”, Stiles smiled and the wolf panted. He then moved from under and around Stiles. When he jumped from the bed he started shifting back to his human form.

 

“I am gonna get some water, do you need anythig?”, Derek asked and got up from the floor.

 

Stiles shook his head and curled up in the blankets to stay warm.

 

“Alright”, Derek said and started putting on clothes again.

 

“You don't have to do that”, Stiles smiled teasingly and looked up to him.

 

Derek just chuckled and looked back at him before walking out of the room.

 

“Love you”, he heard Stiles calling after him.

 

“Love you too”, he shouted back and walked to the kitchen.

 

And with that Stiles' heart stopped.

And Lydia screamed. Derek looked at her with his eyes wide open and she looked at him with the same expression. Derek's mind went fuzzy and he dropped the glas he had been holding in his hand. The sound of that seemed to get him out of shock. Stiles didn't hear any of that. _No, nononono_ was all there was on Derek's mind.

 

“No!”, he shouted and ran back into the room. Stiles didn't hear him dropping down next to him. Derek was starting to shake him, but Stiles didn't feel that either. Stiles was so cold and his eyes were closed. A second ago he was still alive! _This can't be happening!_

 

“Stiles! Hey, can you hear me!? STILES!”, Derek was now fully crying, but Stiles remained motionless. He heard that Lydia finally stopped screaming, now he could hear her whimpering and sobbing. But he couldn't focus on that right now. He knew, that it was pointless, but he couldn't help himself. He started chest compressions.

 

“Come on Stiles!”, he cried, “COME ON!”

 

Allison and Scott came running in after Derek. They had just been outside when Lydia had screamed. It had frozen the blood in their veins. Scott saw what Derek was doing and tried pulling him off Stiles. Derek pushed him away with all the force he had and Scott flew across the room.

 

“No!”, Derek yelled, “I can't loose him!”

 

Scott got up from the floor and ran to Derek again.

 

“It is over Derek”, Scott cried and tried it again, “you need to let it go!”

 

Derek continued doing chest compressions. The blood was rushing through his veins. He kept looking at Stiles in his stupid beanie, still wearing the cannula. His eyes remained closed and his body slack.

 

“Derek”, Scott whispered through his own sobs.

 

Slowly Derek stopped what he was doing. He practically collapsed on top of Stiles' lifeless body, but Stiles didn't feel that either. Derek continued screaming and crying while holding onto Stiles. He couldn't believe, that he was gone. Lydia had broken down in the kitchen, but was now standing in the door. She had her hands over her mouth and was still crying. Allison saw her and quickly ran to her and both of them hugged tightly. Then Allison remembered something and she harshly sucked in air.

 

“His dad! We have to call his dad!”

 

She looked around. Lydia couldn't speak at this point and Scott was holding Derek who was still screaming and crying. It sounded so heartbroken and devastated. So Allison swallowed hard and with a last look on her best friend's body she walked outside the room to call the sheriff.

 

Stiles didn't see all that. Didn't see Scott holding Derek back, didn't see Lydia holding onto the doorframe or Allison hurrying outside the room with tears streaming down his face. Didn't hear them all crying.

 

He didn't hear all their hearts shatter.

 


	11. Epilogue and END OF PART 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... I can't believe that this story is ending! I never (!) thought, that it would be this long and that so many people would encourage me to write it all down :')  
> Thank you all SO MUCH for reading and liking it, you have no idea how much it means to me ♥   
> So enjoy this last chapter guys, I cried while writing it

Stiles' funeral happened on a Saturday. It was a beautiful day actually and then sun kept shining through the clouds. Derek woke up and his throat hurt. He had probably cried for two days straight and in his dreams Stiles was there and he was so beautiful that when Derek woke up he cried even more. He still remembered that day it happened. How he didn't want it to be true and how when Lydia screamed his heart shattered. He remembered how he dropped to the floor screaming and how the others were in complete shock. Then suddenly Noah had been there and he had kept shouting Stiles' name, but he had remained motionless and cold. After a while Derek had stopped screaming and everything from then on had felt empty and like a void. It still did. He knew he shouldn't but he blamed himself for Stiles' way of dying. If he had just stayed a bit longer instead of getting that stupid water, he might have helped Stiles. He could have been there with him. Derek dragged himself out of bed and into the shower. They all had to be strong today.

 

Derek arrived at the chapel directly before the ceremony was about to start. This way he hadn't been forced to talk to anyone about Stiles and how sorry they were. He couldn't handle that right now. It was going to be hard enough to talk about him later during the ceremony. He already saw some guys from the lacrosse team standing in front of the chapel. He greeted them and they told him how sorry they were, but none of these words could bring Stiles back. Derek still thanked them politely and made his way into the chapel. In the front there was the coffin and next to it flowers and a picture of Stiles. He looked so carefree and happy, Derek almost started crying again. He saw Noah sitting at the front of the chapel and sat next to him.

 

The sheriff was a wreck, but shot him a small thankful glance. He looked like he had aged 10 years in the last week. His eyes were dull and they were red and puffy. Noah was also very pale and his hands were trembling the whole time. Melissa was sitting next to him, with one arm around his shoulders and held him while the pastor started the ceremony and talked about life after death. But Noah wasn't religious, he knew, that his son was gone and relalising that seemed to take away his whole strength. When the pastor finished his speech he asked Noah to say something about Stiles.

 

Noah got up and walked to the front of the chapel. He was grateful for the stand he could lean on, because his knees wouldn't stop shaking. Actually his whole body was shaking, but that was maybe because he hadn't eaten anything in the past few days except for some energy bars. It was dead quiet in the chapel and Noah tried to find the right words.

 

“You know, people think I should be used to these talks by now”, he started and smiled, “I am not.”

 

Everyone remained quiet. Noah took a deep breath and continued talking.

 

“Stiles is...was...Stiles was special. He was kind and always wanted to change the world for the better. He reminded me of Claudia”, the sheriff stopped talking and looked down. He hated these talks. Noah swallowed.

 

“He had such a big heart and always put other people's needs before his. And he did everything for his friends and when he locked them in his heart, then he would keep them there forever. I am so grateful, that he had such amazing people around him”, he looked at the pack and Derek, “and I know, that all of them want to say goodbye as well so... Scott?”

 

Noah looked at him and Scott nodded. He got up and walked up to the podium. Noah sat back down and Melissa was already there to take him in her arms again. He took a deep breath and squeezed her hands thankfully. She looked at him with a sad smile on her face and then focussed back on Scott.

 

“Stiles was my brother and it feels like nothing really makes sense without him”, he cleared his throat and wiped some tears away, “but I am not sorry that I have met him so many years ago. He was always there for me and I hope that I did him justice.”

 

Scott looked around and locked his glance on Coach Finstock and some members of the team who came as well.

 

“Even thought he mostly sat on the bench, he was a crucial part to the lacrosse team”, Coach had tears in his eyes and sadly smiled up to Scott. Coach had once said, that both of them were like sons to him and even if he didn't want to admit it and always screamed at them, he deeply cared. When he found out, that Stiles was gone it was like loosing family.

 

“He helped me bring up the courage to talk to Allison and I am so happy I found you”, Scott said when looking at Allison and now she was crying as well.

 

“Allison? You wanna come up here next?”, he asked her and she timidly nodded. With a last squeeze of Lydia's hand she got up and walked up to the podium. Scott gave her a small kiss on her cheek and walked back to his seat. When she stood at the podium, she cleared her throat and smiled.

 

“I will never forget the day where Stiles used to bring messages from Scott to me and back, because my dad wasn't allowed to know that I was with Scott”, Chris chuckled and nodded to Scott who had turned around and was looking at him with a smile.

 

“He ran across the whole school just so that Scott and I could talk and it still brings a smile to my face. He is...he was one of the kindest people I know. Even if I only knew him for some years, he became like family to me and I will love him forever.”

 

Allison smiled sadly and looked up when the sun broke through the window. She closed her eyes for a second. _I miss you, Stiles_ she thought and then walked back to her place to make room for Lydia at the podium.

 

“I don't even know how to start describing Stiles”, she chuckled, “he always made sure to put a smile on my face even though I treated him pretty badly when we were younger. I am still sorry about that by the way”, she said and looked up into the sun as well. She took a few seconds to steady herself and continued talking.

 

“He was a smartass and his witty comments made school better. Yeah, sometimes he was a pain in the ass, because he always wanted to know _everything_ , but he just wanted to help”, she laughed and Noah chuckled. She saw a few people from school quietly laughing as well.

 

“I still remember the times when he annoyed Derek so much he pushed Stiles into a wall”, now Derek was laughing too. It felt wrong at first, but then it felt like the big lump in his stomach was gone.

 

“Missing him really hurts but...but I am so grateful to have known him”, she smiled and nodded to herself. She wiped some tears away and went back to her seat. It was now Derek's turn to say something. He got up and stopped at the podium. He then turned around and looked at the people in the chapel. Derek needed to clear his throat a few times.

 

“Stiles was the love of my life”, he started and nodded to himself, “I didn't see that at first, but then every stupid thing he had done burried him deeper in my heart. He was a great friend and an awesome brother.”

 

He looked around and Scott was smiling at him with tears in his eyes. Derek returned it.

 

“I know, that he played a big part in all of our lifes, because otherwise we wouldn't all be here. I also know that he didn't want us to be sad forever though. If he would be here, he would probably crack a joke and demand some food”, he smiled to himself and saw other people smiling too. The sun was coming through the clouds again and lightened up the whole place.

 

_Hey Stiles_ , Derek thought with a smile. He didn't really believe in the afterlife or anything like that, but he definitely felt a warm feeling in his stomach. God he missed him so much. 

 

“He made me to the person I am today. When I lost my family I didn't see a point in waking up in the morning. But then I met him and he knew how to push my buttons. And then I was looking forward to waking up again, because I knew that I would see him again. I will love him forever”, he said and smiled sadly. Noah had tears streaming down his face and so did most of the people in the chapel. Derek wiped his tears away and sat back down next to Noah. When he sat down Noah moved and put his arms around Derek. He tried holding back his sobs and hugged Noah back.

 

“He loved you so much”, Noah whispered in Derek's ear and Derek couldn't hold back the sob anymore. He nodded in Noah's neck and held onto him. He still smelled like Stiles and it made him feel whole for a while. Derek broke the hug.

 

“Thank you”, he whispered and his voice broke. Noah just smiled sadly and squeezed his shoulder one last time.

 

“Thank you everyone for saying something”, the pastor said and even he was holding back tears, because he knew the Stilinskis since Stiles had been born, “let's all remember Stiles as the funny kid he always was.”

 

The ceremony finished shortly afterwards and everybody got up to go home. Melissa and Derek were helping Noah stand up, he was so shaky, but got a grip on him and steadied himself. Some people were walking up to Noah and said their condolences. He thanked them all friendly and genuine. Derek saw, that the pack was standing closely together, as if giving each other strength. He nodded to them and they returned it. They figured, that he needed to be alone right now and let him walk out of the chapel to his car. Derek got in and closed the door. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. This had been hard but also kind of therapeutic. All the times where he tried distracting himself with anything just so that he wouldn't have to think about Stiles and the disease had been stressful. So it had actually been nice getting the words out, even if he felt, like he didn't do Stiles justice. If he would have been there today, he would have probably laughed at Derek's try on saying something about him. The thought of that formed a soft smile on his face. _I am going to be okay Stiles_ he said and took a big breath before starting the car and driving home.

 

When Derek opened the door to the loft it was too quiet. He closed the door and hung up his coat. He saw the photos he had of Stiles and him on the shelf and newly formed tears were in his eyes. Stiles smiled brightly at him in these photos. Some of them showed them kissing or tightly hugging with having a huge and genuine grin on their faces. If he would focus right now, he thought he could even hear Stiles' laugh flowing through the air. But instead of breaking down when thinking about these memories he smiled to himself and thought about the way Stiles crinkled his nose when he laughed. Or the way his lips felt on his. Or the way he would wake Derek up with a kiss. Tears were streaming down his face, but this time it was different. He would miss Stiles forever, but he knew, that with time it would get easier.

 

_Everything was going to be okay_ he thought to himself and smiled.

 


End file.
